“No, your sister is a lifesaver. She made sure I was all set.” He studies me for a few long seconds and my palms start to sweat. Can he see it? Can he tell she’s more than just his little stand in little sister to me? That she’s more than just the friend who has helped me over the past few months?
Finally, he looks away and heads toward the front door. “Be back in a few,” he says over his shoulder and then he’s gone.
Chapter 22
McKinley
The sun blaring through my bedroom window causes me to groan in frustration. It was after one this morning before I finally let sleep claim me. I lost track of time while editing, but at least I’m all caught up. Today, I don’t have anything scheduled in the studio, so I plan to take my camera and the outfit I bought to Evan’s and get some, hopefully, adorable newborn pictures of Lexi. However, I first need a shower and food, since I skipped dinner last night.
After rushing through a shower, I head downstairs and find Mom pulling a casserole dish out of the oven. It smells amazing. Looking at the clock, I see it’s only nine-thirty. “That smells great,” I tell her.
“Thank you. I made lasagna for Evan. It’s something he can eat on for a few days and it’s easy to reheat. Do you think you could drop it off for me?” she asks. I’m surprised she doesn’t want to herself.
“Sure, I’m headed there anyway. I’m going to take some newborn pictures of Lexi. I can’t wait to see her in the Alabama outfit I bought off of Etsy.”
“Those ears are just too cute,” Mom says. I purchased a gray crocheted hat with elephant ears and a matching diaper cover in gray with a red “A” right on the bottom. I can’t wait to take these pictures. Evan is a hardcore Alabama fan.
“They really are. I was going to surprise him, but I don’t know if I can get him to leave her long enough. He’s smitten.”
“Hmm, that he is. I’m sure for you he would be agreeable,” Mom replies.
“What do you mean for me?”
“He just seems to trust you. You two have gotten closer since you’ve been home.” She goes back to packing up the lasagna in her carrier. I study her to see if she can tell, for him, I would be agreeable to anything. It’s not Evan; it’s me. Now that Lexi’s here, it’s just going to be harder to resist him---them. She is the sweetest baby.
“Yeah, he needed help. That’s what friends do.” I try to sound nonchalant. Mom doesn’t call me out on it and I’m grateful. I don’t want to talk about how I’m falling harder every day for my brother’s best friend, for my best friend. Evan and I have become really close, and I feel guilty that I want him, but I just…his kisses are hard to forget.
After scarfing down a bagel, I run to the studio and grab the outfit and a few other props I use for newborn shoots. Once I have everything I need, including Mom’s lasagna, loaded into Evan’s truck, I’m on my way. The drive takes mere minutes from our place to his. I park and grab the lasagna. I can come back to get everything else. I’m hoping I can convince him to get out of the house for a little while so I can surprise him with the pictures.
I knock softly, not wanting to wake the baby if she’s sleeping. I wait, but no answer. Maybe they’re both sleeping. Using my key, I slide it into the lock and slowly push the door open. I hear a soft whimper coming from the living room and the sound of Evan’s voice as he tries to soothe her.
I take the lasagna to the kitchen, kick off my shoes, and make my way to the living room. I find Evan pacing back and forth with Lexi in his arms, begging her to sleep. “Rough night?” I ask. The sound of my voice startles him. When he turns to face me, I can see the dark circles under his eyes. He’s exhausted.
“You could say that. She’s hardly slept,” he says, defeated.
With a few steps, I’m standing beside him. I place my hand on Lexi’s back and gently rub. “Let me take her. You go get some rest.”
With glassy eyes, which I’m sure have more to do with emotion than exhaustion, he says, “Kinley, what if I can’t do this? I love her, but what if I’m not what she needs?”
Reaching out, I take Lexi from him and cradle her in my arms, gently rocking her from side to side. “Evan, you are what she needs for the simple fact that you do love her. You have to remember, most of the time, there are two parents, two people to take shifts until this little one gets her days and nights on the right schedule. It takes time, and you are trying to do it on your own.”
“I just—”
“You’re just tired. Have you eaten?”
“Yeah, Aaron came over last night and brought pizza.”
“Today, Evan? Mom made you a lasagna, not exactly breakfast, but it’s still warm and it smelled amazing when she was making it. I set it on the counter in the kitchen. Go make yourself a plate, then go upstairs and sleep. I have nothing planned today. I’ll take care of this one.” I look down at Lexi. “You, little one, have worn Daddy out. You and I are going to spend some time together while he gets some rest.” I talk to her like she understands me. I’m sure I look like a crazy person, but Evan’s so tired he probably doesn’t even notice.
“Kinley, I—”
“Evan, go. I got this. We will be here the entire time. She needs you rested. Now go get some food and then sleep.”
He’s too tired to protest further. He nods and leaves the room. Lexi is no longer whimpering; she’s passed out in my arms. Babies can feel tension and I’m sure this little one was feeding off his exhaustion. Not wanting to move her just yet, I reach for my purse and pull out my Kindle. I settle down on the couch with this precious baby girl to read. I need Evan to see I’m good with this so he won’t feel guilty.
A few minutes later, he joins me with a heaping plate of lasagna and a glass of sweet tea. I pull my feet up, so he can sit on the opposite end of the couch. “She’s out,” he observes.
“Yeah, I think the two of you were keeping each other up.” He doesn’t say anything; instead, he digs into his lasagna. I open my Kindle and start reading, letting him eat.
“I can’t take care of my own kid,” he says, setting the now empty plate on the coffee table.
“Evan, every parent needs help. You can’t expect to do it all alone. Let me help. Go crash for a few hours. I got her. I’m going to make sure she’s in a deep sleep before I lay her down. I have my Kindle.” I hold it up for him.
He runs his hands over his face and releases a heavy sigh. Finally, he stands and carries his plate to the kitchen. When he comes back, he sits on the edge of the couch close to me, tracing a finger down Lexi’s cheek. “I love her so fucking much, and it kills me to think I can’t take care of her,” he confesses.
“You can take care of her. You’re exhausted, Evan. Go get some rest,” I say softly.
Leaning in, he cups my face with his hand and runs his thumb across my cheek. “What would I do without you?” he whispers the question. I assume it’s a rhetorical question, so I don’t answer. “You’re amazing, Kinley.” Leaning in a little further, his lips press against mine. “Thank you,” he says, pulling away. He watches me for a reaction, which he’s not going to get. I can’t let him see how he affects me. I would rather have stolen kisses we don’t talk about than have him pull away when he finds out those kisses make my heart full.