“Aren’t you working at barn tomorrow night?”
“Luc and I arranged coverage there and the farm for the next two days so we can go on the trip.”
“Ah, okay.”
“You understand why we’re doing this, don’t you?”
“Of course, but I just hate that you have to deal with something like this, that your dad has to deal with it, especially at Christmas.”
“I know. It sucked to see him so emotional over what happened all those years ago.”
“I’m sure. He’s such an upbeat, positive, happy person.”
“He is, and to know what he had to give up to have the life he wanted… I just can’t stand that for him.”
“I don’t know him as well as you do, of course, but from what I can see, he’s been completely content in the life he’s led with your mom and all of you. He loves his family, his work, his community. I wouldn’t pretend to speak for him, but from what I’ve witnessed, he has no doubt he made the right decision.”
“He said as much. But still… It had to be so painful to lose touch with his siblings. I wouldn’t be able to deal with that.”
“The good news is you’ll never have to. That won’t happen in your family. You guys are so tight. You’d fight for each other no matter what.”
“I’d like to think so.”
“You would. For sure.”
“I bet my dad thought that about his own siblings, too. How’d they let that happen? Their father couldn’t stop them from talking to each other.”
“Think about the times, Landon. None of the technology we take for granted now. They probably didn’t even know what part of Vermont he’d landed in.”
“If that’d happened to one of my siblings, I’d have gotten in a car and driven to Vermont and tracked down him or her.”
“Unless your father was holding something over you, like money or a job or being banished like your brother was.”
“None of that would’ve stopped me from looking for them.”
“Just playing devil’s advocate here, but it’s easy to say that without knowing the whole story.”
“I guess. It’s just hard to picture life without even one of my siblings, let alone all of them. That must’ve been so awful for him.”
“I’m sure it was, but I’m also sure the beautiful family he created with your mom helped to fill some of the void.” She brought his head to lean on her shoulder and ran her fingers through his hair.
He wallowed in the pleasure of her touch and the way she managed to calm and soothe him. “Thanks for listening.”
“Always happy to listen to you.”
“Will you girls be okay here by yourself tomorrow night? You could stay with Emma and Gray if you don’t want to be here alone.” Amanda and Stella had become very close with Emma and Simone over the last few months.
“We’ll be fine. We’ve got Matilda to keep us safe.”
He snorted out a laugh. “As long as a potential robber doesn’t offer her a piece of steak, she’s got you covered.”
Hearing the word steak, Matilda lifted her head to look at him.
“Stand down, girl,” Landon said. “No steak tonight.”
Sighing, she dropped her head onto her paws, looking dejected.
“Poor baby. First, I came home without Stella, and then you said the word S-T-E-A-K and didn’t deliver. This evening isn’t going well for her.”
“She’ll be okay.”
“Will you?”
“I’m much better after talking it out with you. At times like this, I wonder what I ever did before I had you.”
“I have a hard time remembering what life was like before I lived in this gorgeous house with you, Stella and Matilda. It’s the most perfect life I could ever picture for myself.”
“If you’re happy, I’m happy,” he said, as he often did.
“Same goes, my love. Same goes.”
Chapter Twelve
“I get by with a little help from my friends.”
—Ringo Starr
As he did every night after dinner and bath time, Max rocked his baby son until he fell asleep, well aware that soon his little boy would be too big to be rocked. Max was determined to stick with their bedtime routine for as long as he possibly could. He’d read an article on one of the parenting sites he followed about how there’s a “last time” for everything—the last time you’ll ever change their diaper or pick them up or rock them to sleep. Often, you won’t know it’s the last time until much later when you realize you haven’t done those things in a while or they stopped happening without you noticing.
He wasn’t ready for any of it to end and could barely believe Caden was already thirteen months old, walking and saying a few words, such as Max’s favorite word—Dada. Being Caden’s Dada was the best thing to ever happen to Max, even if it was also the hardest thing he’d ever done. While making sure his son had everything he needed, he grappled with the nonstop parental guilt he’d learned was normal, even if it sucked. Did he spend enough time with his son? Was it right to ask his mother to watch him while he was working? Would he be better off in daycare with other kids his age?
Max tortured himself with those and a million other questions, thus his reliance on the parenting sites that were a wealth of information, as were his parents, who’d been there, done that, ten times over. Even though they hadn’t been single parents, they’d seen it all with him and his nine siblings and generally knew what he should do in any situation.
“I know you couldn’t understand the stuff your Gramps was saying today, buddy,” he said softly to Caden, who was on his way to sleep. “But you should know that I’d never make you choose between me and the one you love. I’d never, ever do that to you. All I want is for you to do whatever it takes to be happy. I want you to love and be loved and to find your place in this world, whether it’s here or somewhere far away. Although, I sure hope you end up close by, because I’d miss you something awful if you weren’t around every day. Didn’t my grandfather miss my dad after he kicked him out of the family? I hope he regretted what he did. I hope he regretted it every day.”
He continued to rock until Caden’s little body went slack, but he didn’t move to transfer him to the crib. Not yet. Tonight, he needed a little something extra from his son. He needed the comfort of knowing, no matter what happened, that he would love and support Caden in everything he did, even if he didn’t necessarily agree with his choices. As long as he was living a healthy, productive life, Max would have his back. It was really that simple.
While holding his son a little tighter, Max rubbed his tiny back and ran his lips over the soft silk of his blond hair. The two of them were a team and always would be, come what may.
From across the hall, he could hear his mother laughing, which happened a lot when his parents were together. They were #couplegoals to Max and his siblings, all of whom had found their perfect match. He hoped his was out there somewhere, waiting for him to find her. A year after his relationship with Caden’s mother had imploded, he was starting to feel ready to take a chance on something new. He’d hoped he’d hear more from Caroline, his sister-in-law Mia’s cousin, whom he’d met at Mia and Wade’s wedding in Boston and had one great night with. But after a few weeks of regular texts, they’d dropped off to once in a while as they both went on with their lives.