After four rounds of double drinks, Rod asks if I have had any. I tell him one. He is already on his way which is great. He can get trashed and loosen up. God knows what he’ll reveal.
The fifth round is done and we are now to make our guesses as to who we believe is the killer. It’s anonymous so I write Elaine’s name down and say I think it because she is a home-wrecking whore.
Lord Bartholomew reads the answers as we gather in the study for the last time. When he says my answer aloud, everyone giggles. Elaine’s laugh is forced but her red face is obvious. Rod doesn’t laugh and he doesn’t meet my gaze though I am staring right at him.
When midnight is close, I make my way down the hall to the powder room, trying not to talk to anyone. With my back against the closed door, I relax, exhaling deeply for the first time. The Spanx cuts in and I stare at myself.
I’m a stranger.
I make my way to the sink and give myself a long hard look as the clock strikes and the crowd in the house goes crazy. I wonder if Elaine and Rod have snuck off to a dark corner to kiss. Are there people who know about the affair?
It’s there in a random moment of clarity, I promise myself I will humiliate them both as badly as they have done to me. I lean in, whispering, “Happy fucking New Year’s, Lil.”
I stare at my reflection, expecting her to wink back. She doesn’t, and I’m not drunk enough to hallucinate it. But the glint in her eyes, my eyes, suggests this is it. The end of the line as far as bullshit is concerned. I need to start taking this, my life and my happiness, more seriously.
Chapter 8
January 1, 2020
The physio office is exactly where James described when he called to tell me Sam had made me a special appointment although the office isn’t technically open. It’s in a gym which makes me feel awkward walking in. I haven’t been in a gym in a decade. And being nearly thirty-six, I have to assume it’s pretty obvious to the trainer’s eye I don’t work out.
An eye I catch the moment I step in the front door.
“Hey, happy New Year. How’s it going?” a stunningly handsome man calls from the counter he’s wiping with cleaner.
“Oh uh, good. Thanks.”
“You looking for the physio office?” he says with a smile, obviously aware I’m not here to work out. Especially not with how stiff I am.
“Yes, I have an appointment. They managed to squeeze me in thanks to a—friend. I have a concussion.” It comes out quickly as a weird overshare. My discomfort at being here is palpable.
“Cool. Yeah, they’re good like that. Linnie’s a great physiotherapist. You’ll love her. Door to the left, just past the washrooms.” He points me in the direction I’m meant to go.
“Thank you.”
“No problem.” He says it and reminds me of Joey from Friends, but shorter and thicker. He flashes me a charming smile, the kind you can’t help but sigh after seeing. Yup, Joey.
Tearing my gaze from him, I make my way to the hallway and find the door to the office. I knock and it opens quickly.
“Hey.” A beautiful redhead with a strong but lean build answers, “You must be Lilly. I’m Linnie.”
Why are they all so hot?
“Hi. Yes, Lilly.” And apparently, I now cannot form full sentences. This is going to be magical.
“Nice to meet you. Well, come on in and let’s get to it.” She flashes a bright white smile. Her teeth are stark compared to her tanned skin. “Ignore the blinding choppers. I was forced into a bikini bodybuilding photo shoot two weeks ago. The fake tanning and teeth whitening that goes into it are more than my norm.”
“Oh, it’s nice. So bright. Reminds me of my mom’s schnauzer.” The statement is insane to anyone who doesn’t know Teddy, who has the whitest human Chiclet teeth you’ve ever seen. But this girl cannot possibly know Teddy. I’ve compared her to a dog.
“That’s the weirdest thing someone has ever said to me. I’m not even gonna sugarcoat it for you. Weirdest.” She bursts out laughing and I want to crawl under the sofa and die there. I’m just not certain I could make it to the floor. “You and I are going to get along great. My sister is crazy awkward too. Always makes me laugh.” She closes the door behind me, shaking her head. “I need to see this schnauzer.”
“I’m so sorry. He just—he has the whitest teeth.” With trembling hands, I pull out my phone and find a photo of him in my reel, flashing it at her.
“Oh damn. That is weird. He has tiny man teeth. Look at him. Why are they so white?” She takes the phone and zooms in on his little face.
“We don’t know.” I snigger inelegantly. Exactly how this entire session is going to go.
“My teeth aren’t even that white. That’s impressive. Does your mom floss and brush those?”
“No. He came that way.”
“How old is he?” she asks as she hands me back the phone.
“Four.” I turn off the phone. “I am so sorry. I didn’t mean you look like a dog.”
“No, please. It’s fine. That was funny. And he’s an incredibly handsome little man.” She gives me another blinding grin. “Now, Sam said you were in a car accident and have a serious concussion and some residual effects of a dislocated shoulder and whiplash? That sounds nasty.”
“It was,” I say with a breathy exhale, grateful to be moving past the awkward dog conversation. “Thanks so much for seeing me on such short notice. And on New Year’s Day.” I feel awful about her squeezing me in.
“I was coming in for a workout anyway and Sam knew it. I’m so happy to be able to help. Concussions are serious business. Especially when it’s a KO. So let’s get to it.” She claps her hands and offers me a seat on the couch. She sits on a large workout ball. Her energy levels are frightening.
She is stronger than she appears since she’s at least five inches shorter than I am. The exercises she forces on me are awful. But by the time I’m leaving and she’s waving goodbye from the doorway, I already feel better. Completely wiped but better.
“Well?” the Joey guy asks from where he’s Swiffering in the corner by the front door.
“You were right, a miracle worker,” I reply.
“You’re in good hands with her. Linnie’s the best. Did she mention anything about you needing to start working out to rebuild some muscles?” He lifts his dark eyebrows.
“Yes, there might have been a mention of working out. I agreed to look into it,” I lie.
“Well, we have a top-notch facility here and a New Year’s resolution package. You want a tour?” he offers with a hint of flirtatiousness. It twists my stomach in knots to have a sexy man flirt with me. I assume that’s a bad sign. I’m damaged beyond repair.
“Oh, uhhh, I have to get home. I’m beat. A rain check?” I ask, not wanting to be flirted with. Maybe never again.
“Of course. Have a great day.”
“You as well.” I wave.
“Lil!” Sam calls from behind me as I reach the door.
“Hi.” I wave awkwardly with my good hand and head outside into the cold day. It doesn’t feel like a new year. It’s got a real “same old bullshit” vibe to it.