“You need a ride home? I’m headed there now,” Sam asks as he catches up.
I want to say no but waiting for a cab with the clouds overhead threatening to snow seems like a stupid idea when the car sits not ten feet from us, and I’m close to passing out with exhaustion. “Sure. That would be great.”
“How was the appointment with Linnie?”
“She is just as you said, a concussion wizard.” I walk to the car. He gets the door for me. “Thanks.”
“Watch the head,” he says with a laugh.
“Shut up.”
That makes him laugh harder.
When he gets in, he offers me that smile, the one that pushes in his dimple. “She gave you a list of workouts?”
“She did. Not before I completely humiliated myself though.” My cheeks flush and I close my eyes, replaying the dog comment in my head.
“Oh no, not the nervous chattering?” he asks as he starts the car.
I wince, not loving that he knows me so well even after all this time.
“You know you have to tell me.”
“Why am I so awkward?” I ask in a whisper before explaining, “Linnie’s teeth are insanely bright white from a bodybuilding photo shoot she did.”
“Yeah, they all fake tan, whiten teeth, and shrink wrap for those photo shoots. She’s ripped, huh? So tiny and feisty and strong. Team Canada for rugby before she focused in on her career. Now she plays for fun and assists the team when she can.” He sounds smitten with her. That makes two of us.
“She did mention she played rugby.” I contemplate her for a second and mutter, “She might be the coolest girl I’ve ever met.”
“Agreed.”
“Anyway, I told her that her white teeth reminded me of my mom’s schnauzer.”
“That’s a weird thing to say, Lil.” He chuckles and turns at the light, driving less like the crazy person he did when he was younger.
“Not if you’ve seen the schnauzer,” I defend myself and pull up the picture again.
When he stops at another light, I show him.
“Oh yeah. Those are funny teeth. So white, like Chiclets. He’s cute.”
“His name’s Ted.”
“Ted the schnauzer.” He nods approvingly and drives to our building.
“Thanks for getting me the appointment,” I say, needing to thank him again.
“No problem. I knew she was coming in to work out today anyway.”
“Are you two dating?” I ask offhandedly.
“God no. She’s way out of my league.” He glances over as he pulls into our building’s underground parking and winks.
“That’s fair,” I say with a chuckle. “Are there men in that league?”
“No, she’s amazing. And truthfully, Linnie is more like a little sister to me than anything. She’s the only physiotherapist I send my concussed patients to. She’s brilliant at her job.” The joking is gone. “And she’s a bit young. She’s only twenty-eight.”
“And you’re nearly forty.” It’s my turn to wink but for some reason I blink. I’m a mess.
“I’m only thirty-eight! I have two years.” He hurries around the car and stays close by, maybe watching to ensure I don’t fall walking through the underground parking lot.
“Isn’t your birthday in April?” I remind him. “You’re nearly thirty-nine.”
“And yours is in four weeks. You’ll be thirty-seven. I don’t know why you’re so cocky about me turning forty when you’ll be right on my heels.” He grins and gets the elevator.
“I’m twenty-nine plus taxes, thank you very much.” I use the line Shawnee always says.
His face brightens. “Twenty-nine plus taxes? I’m using that from now on.”
“On all the sexy nurses at work?” I chuckle and step into the elevator.
The joy vanishes from his face, but he tries to muddle on. “Yeah.” He struggles with something I’ve said for a moment before turning back to me. “Has Rod contacted you at all yet?”
“No, he’s a pathetic coward,” I answer and turn to the shiny metal doors, catching my own reflection as the joy slips from my face too. I think we’ve unintentionally wounded one another.
The silence that follows is uncomfortable.
“Thanks again for helping me out,” I say, trying to rescue us from this heavy air and cramped space.
“Of course.” He forces a polite expression. “I’m here if you need anything.”
I turn rigidly, hoping he sees the genuine gratitude. “And vice versa. I know I don’t seem capable this week, but I am actually. If you need anything, I’m here.”
His smile creeps back, lighting him up once more as the doors open to our floor. “Thanks,” he says as though he’s struggling not to laugh.
“Are you mocking my capabilities?” I follow him out of the elevator.
“Of course not. I would never.” He is. He puts his key in the lock and glances back, pasting on a flirtatious grin. “I was picturing all the ways you could help me out. Or rather remembering.”
“You’re disgusting.” I gasp and pull my own keys out. He is still laughing at my reddened face and shocked expression when he closes his door.
I lean against mine when I get inside my apartment, shaking my head in disbelief.
A traitorous thought creeps about in my mind.
What if?
It’s a dangerous game to play with one’s heart but my head does it anyway.
What if I’d married Sam instead?
What would our life look like right now?
The journey takes a fantastical trip through possibilities and happy endings and not being cheated on.
But only one small part of my brain is fantastical. The rest is quite realistic. And the sad fact is Sam and I have too much history. There’s a truth he doesn’t know and can never know. It was the end of all those years ago, a decision I’m afraid is unreversible.
The final destination in the journey into sadness and disillusion is Rod. I can’t believe he hasn’t tried to contact me.
Without thinking, I cross the room to my laptop and open it, clicking on Facebook and checking his profile. He hasn’t unfriended me and is tagged in at least a dozen pictures from the New Year’s Eve party we were supposed to go to. Elaine is in the pictures too, minus Brent. She and Rod don’t seem to be together in the pictures, but rather are purposely as far apart as possible. His mustache is curled up like the villain he is.
He went to the party as if nothing had happened?
I click on his profile again, seeing his status has been changed to single. Weirder yet, he has likes on it. I click to see who liked it. His mom, Elaine, and his sister-in-law Kari. It burns a bit, I can’t deny it.
I close the laptop and slide into the chair next to me.
“Happy New Year’s,” I whisper to no one.
Chapter 9
January 1, 2020
New Year’s Day, I wake to an empty bed. Rod has already left for the city to do the work he said he had to do. Work I’m assuming involves banging Elaine in the mall parking lot.