Nowadays, there was no need to hide it. If I didn't feel like smiling, I didn't. There was no desire to force a smile on my face or try to please the world around me while my own heart ached on the inside.
Whenever I thought about it, I debated if this was some sort of emo stage, but maybe I was at the stage of my life where I was fine with accepting reality.
Accepting that every day won't be butterflies and rainbows and that it's okay. Life was never made to be a perfect reflection of happiness.
"What are you thinking about?"
I pulled out of my thoughts to turn my head to see Kaito in his kendo attire, leaning against the locker next to mine, his arms crossed over his chest. I hadn't even sensed him, which only confirmed that I needed to go chill for a bit. I'd been working hard to balance my studies, creative endeavors, training, and helping Jax on the side.
Poor guy had so much on his plate and yet he was handling it like a boss. I guess we were all so caught up with everything that even eating dinner together became too strenuous to keep up. We all understood that this would be a short term thing, but it was stressing us out.
"It's too noisy in the hall," I replied with a slight smile as I met his intrigued gaze. "Practice?"
"Sadly," he replied and sighed. "Master ZenSu wants me to take a week off, but the festival is almost here anyway, so I don't see the need to."
"You have to be careful not to burn out, Kaito," I scolded with a hint of worry. I didn't want him getting an injury before his tournament. He put in far too many hours, hard work, and dedication for this final moment to be wasted by pushing himself too hard.
"I'm fine," he assured me. "I'll take tomorrow off. Were you going back to the dorms or going to help Jax?"
"Connor's helping Jax today," I revealed and leaned in closer to whisper, "Connor's surprising him with a little date."
He arched an eyebrow at the mention of 'date', and I wondered if we'd go somewhere once we had time to basically live. I'd be lying if I said I wasn’t beginning to feel a tad lonely from the decreased amount of affection, but it felt selfish of me to complain when we had so much going on.
We were doing our best to eat properly and get a few short hours of sleep at night. Brianne was barely getting sleep, from my observation. Two to three hours. She'd go to bed super late after doing yoga and showering, and then she'd be up and leaving for her run.
A part of me felt like she was doing something else that was beginning to take up her time, and yet I didn't want to intrude either. I trusted Brianne, just like the others, and I felt like when she was ready to share something, she would. Maybe she could be hiding it due to the same reason I wasn't expressing my desire for some intimacy.
We all needed to focus this semester, and there was no need for distractions. It was just hard to keep telling yourself that.
"Where are they going?" Kaito asked, but his eyes began to glow slightly before he looked confused and also intrigued. "Never mind."
"Now you have to tell me."
"It's...um..." He began to blush while his face scrunched. It wasn't a disgusted look, but more like he was attempting to figure out the right way to express what he saw. "A club?" he suggested.
"Why did that take you so long to state?" I inquired.
"I think it's a gay club," Kaito quietly admitted.
Alright. I get his reaction.
"That's bold of Connor," I voiced. I knew he was going to take him out for a break but never would have thought of a gay club. Since our Dubai trip, I wondered if Connor was okay with being affectionate in public with Jax.
It was easy when Brianne was around. She awakened a part of us that just blossomed without a second thought. When we were independently on our own, things got...flustered. Even with just us standing at the lockers, I could feel the pulsating pressure of those watching us.
The judgment, whispers, gossip, and potential pictures would scatter through the internet to be ridiculed and mocked.
"I agree, but maybe he sensed Jax's emotions?" Kaito offered. "You know Jax hides his stress really well."
"That's true," I agreed. "With Brianne being so busy as well, he's probably not getting his usual motivational boost either.”
"She hasn't been sleeping," Kaito acknowledged.
"I noticed," I replied and turned to lean my back against my locker. The hall was quieter now, and it seemed as though everyone was moving away, so we could see if anyone was lingering for no apparent reason. "I have a feeling she's doing something that she's worried to share with us."
"She's been taking care of Elijah," Kaito casually announced.
It was such a relaxed response that it simply didn't process in my brain as I looked over to him. "What?"
"She's been taking care of Elijah," he repeated. "Obviously not the evil one. The one in a coma."
"How...that's not possible," I voiced. "Is she literally teleporting back and forth?" I felt like that wasn't the primary problem here, and yet I was more concerned about Brianne's health. She was strong magically, and I didn't doubt her capabilities, but this semester had already been a little vigorous with all the spells we had to learn before the training and extracurricular activities.
"I think Professor Phoenix is helping her. Kind of like training. Brianne can teleport to places around the world in her sleep, but that's because she's in a resting state. It's far harder when she's straining herself and is low on energy. You noticed she was a bit drained today," Kaito explained.
"Ya. Not to forget Professor Phoenix has been taking a lot of the afternoon off for admin stuff so we've had that substitute," I acknowledged. "At least it's not that boring one."
"You're not surprised about the Elijah thing?"
"No," I confessed. "I honestly kind of expected Brianne to want to do something when we found out he's been in a coma since the incident."
"I feel Brianne's afraid of sharing that she's helping him," Kaito revealed. "Not necessarily scared, but I guess it's hard to read."
"Maybe she thinks we'll be jealous or upset with her? I guess in other situations, a guy could be," I countered.
"Could be. Most insecure boyfriends would have a problem, but I feel we've passed that stage," Kaito admitted. "Let's be realistic. She did have a major crush on him, and before that, they were best friends. It's easy to hate someone when you know they've been involved in many things that were aimed to hurt you, but now that we know the truth, it's difficult to keep that mindset."
"His evil brother really fucked up his life," I whispered as I remembered my brother. "A brother is supposed to be there for you through thick and thin. You don't always need to get along, but it's nice to know you have someone to rely on when life gets dark. Siblings should have your back. It's sad that from day one, it seemed Elijah was simply set up for failure."
"He was the perfect scapegoat," Kaito suggested. "I bet the Shadow Kingdom thought the good Elijah would simply disappear."
"But if what was stated about them having some sort of connection like Elisha and Eliza is true, then he has no choice but to exist. One can't survive without the other."