"I'm probably going to need a nap," I muttered to myself as I finished combing through Elijah's hair. "There we go. All done."
With a sigh, I began to clean up before putting everything in the top drawer of the table stand. My eyes landed on the picture of us, and I couldn't help reaching for it to look at the details.
The picture was taken almost four years ago. It amazed me how different we looked now. I looked so young and innocent, but the joy was obvious in my expression as my eyes twinkled with life.
Elijah looked the happiest here. His bright eyes shone with plenty of hopes and dreams. I could remember those nights clearly where we'd stay up and think about what we wanted to achieve.
We wanted to help people. To find those who didn't feel accepted and help them transition to a world that would love them. We had no clue what careers did that, but at the time, it didn't matter.
Funny how time changes everything.
"Do you remember when we wanted to change the world, Elijah?" I whispered as I put the picture back down and moved to face the side of the bed. I reached for his hand to hold it. His hand was a little cold in comparison to my warm one.
"We'd stay up all night talking about how we were going to be like heroes and help those who were shy like me break out of their shells and enjoy the world around them. You wanted to find those like you, who liked a balance between socializing and alone time. Even though we were both lonely at times, we vowed to find others and make them join our group so we'd all be together. Ah, good times."
Another yawn left me, and I sighed. "I've been really tired lately, Elijah. I think I'm pushing myself too hard. Professor Phoenix was busy today so I tried to teleport myself here. Well, Spell Travel," I corrected myself and sighed again. "I did it...and I should be happy, but I'm so tired. I kind of don't know how I'm getting back home. Maybe I'll take a nap or something and then go back. I can't miss today since it's the festival and Finnick's in the competition for a really big prize. I don't think he cares about winning, but the exposure could help him get his artwork out to the world."
Holding his hand a little tighter, I closed my eyes. "You know...I wish you had a new start with the guys. I've been thinking about...like if we could rewind but know about the whole twin thing. Maybe it would explain your frustrations, impatience, and anger. I think about when I started hanging out with the Notorious Four, and with what I know now, I guess it makes sense why you were so upset."
Opening my eyes just slightly, I stared at his sleeping figure. "Did you feel rejected? Lonelier? That your last speck of light was leaving you?"
I knew the reply would be silence, which made me smile in irony at all of this. If Elijah could hear me, I bet he'd be mocking me or something for all this sacrificed time. I mean, why was I still doing this? Why did I still care?
"I still haven't told the guys I've been taking care of you since we found out you were here. I think I'm embarrassed by it. Not by you...I'm embarrassed of myself? My feelings? Whatever this is...I don't know. I can't figure it out...and whenever I try to, I just want to break down and cry. I don't want you thinking I'm taking care of you out of pity. Far from it. I just...care?"
Letting go of his hand, I made sure the blanket was tucked properly and bobbed my head in approval.
"I doubt it matters," I muttered under my breath. "Anyways. The nurses said you're improving very well. Maybe you'll wake up in a few weeks. I was talking to Aurora...er, Professor Phoenix, and she said if your name was cleared and such, you'd only have one year left at Witchling. Sucks that we won't be there, but if you ever struggle, I'm sure you can ask me. I guess if you want to."
I paused and rubbed at my irritated eyes that were beginning to water.
"I've yet to determine what I want to do after graduation. Will we even keep in contact? This could be all in vain...but was I ever doing this for praise? Nah."
Why...am I doing this?
"I should go..." I concluded and closed my eyes. "Need to get...to the..." I trailed off as my body leaned back.
Hands gripped my shoulders, but I couldn't keep trying to tug my eyes open. I attempted to speak but a tired moan escaped my lips instead.
It felt like I was falling at a slow rate, and then I was simply floating with an occasional sway.
"I should kill you," a deep voice declared.
It was eons away.
Always interfering.
No one understands what I'm attempting to do.
No one gets my perspective.
I've accepted that I'm a mere pawn in this catastrophic game of chess, and we're meant to be used, abused, and left for dead.
Puppets don't feel.
Puppets can't win.
Puppets can't be saved.
There's never a happy ending for a puppet...like me.
The echoing voice held so much despair, and I wished to help them solve whatever was causing such sadness, but my mind drifted away until darkness held me captive.
~JAX~
* * *
"Hey, have you seen Brianne this morning? No. I checked her room already and asked Miya and Mia and they haven't seen her. I don't think so. Professor Phoenix is off until the festival so she isn't with her. Hmm. Don't worry about it, I'll look for her. Don't tell Finnick. He's nervous as it is with the competition today. Ya. I'll call you back when I find her. Thanks, Connor."
I took a worried inhale as I looked around her room, my magic begging to be used. The knock on the door startled me, and I looked over to see Kaito leaning against the door frame with a deep frown on his face.
"Still no clue?" he inquired, and I saw no need to hide the obvious from him.
"No," I replied and slipped my phone into my pocket. "She didn't sleep last night. Well, barely. She got up to do some training but it's eight o'clock and she still isn't back. Professor Phoenix isn't working today."
"I know where she is," Kaito voiced calmly, which only made my speculation grow. "But there are two problems. One being I don't know how you're going to react and two, I can't see past that."
"You can just send me there," I encouraged and turned to face him. "As for what I'm not going to like, I already know."
"Know what?" He was testing me on purpose, but this had to stop today for the sake of Brianne's sanity.
"She's been taking care of Elijah," I voiced the obvious.
"And how does that make you feel?"
"Am I supposed to feel something?" I countered and sighed out of obvious frustration. "Kaito. You're wasting time."
"I need to know if Jaxsin is going to lose his shit on Brianne for helping Elijah."
"Why would he?"
"Because he's a jealous prick and Elijah isn't in our crew."
"Brianne doesn't like Elijah," I grumbled.
"And you're probably the blindest of them all," Kaito muttered back at me, which left us in a moment of silence.
I huffed and ran my hands through my hair. "I'm not blind, Kaito."
"And neither are any of us," Kaito replied. "We’ve known about where Brianne's been going, but why haven't any of us said anything?"