"You're not wrong," I mumbled as tears began to form in my eyes. "But you're supposed to be mad."
"Why?"
"Because...well...everything I said!"
"Brianne." He pressed a kiss to my forehead. "We knew you were taking care of Elijah."
That had me staring at him as if he just said someone died. Seeing as I was frozen by the news, he kept going.
"We all speculated and knew you'd tell us when you were ready," he confessed. "You've wanted to share but something stopped you, right?"
All I could do was nod, and he gave me a tender smile as he closed his eyes for a moment. "Can I guess why?"
He opened his eyes again, and they held a seriousness to them. One eye was his usual golden beauty with tiny hints of red and orange, while the other was completely black. It reminded me of the poster, leaving me to wonder if Jax and Jaxsin were present.
This was the chance I was waiting for, and I expected to feel that crippling anxiety begin to roll its ugly head to disable me from saying what I'd been denying for what felt like eons.
All I could do was nod again as I waited for him to guess some random answer so I could finally say the truth.
"You still care for Elijah."
"You see I..." The words I'd planned to counter whatever reasoning he gave suddenly stalled as my wide eyes stared into his. I waited for his reaction at my prolonged shock - waited for Jaxsin to be in full control and remind me that I was their Notorious Queen and no one else's.
I waited and waited until the silence was suffocating all on its own.
"You...why...how...?" I couldn't fathom words.
"You closed that chapter with Elijah a long time ago," he whispered. "However, it opened when you found out the potential truth that Elijah was a mere pawn in all of this and was essentially set up to fail, just like Eliza was set up by her sister Elisha her entire life."
He encouraged us to sit up, and I did, while using the blanket to cover myself to try and hide the slight shakiness in my body. It wasn’t like I was afraid of Jax or Jaxsin's response, but maybe I was afraid of losing everything we'd built these last few years.
"I..." No words could replicate what he'd just acknowledged without me even hinting at it. "Why...why aren't you angry?"
"When the idea crossed my mind, I was," he acknowledged. "However, what would it solve?"
He reached out to brush away my tears that spilled down my cheeks.
"I love you. Connor, Finnick, and Kaito love you. We're practically bound by these tattoos, even though we haven't officially activated them yet, and, well, we know you carry a heart that's so full of love. Before you met us, Elijah was your rock. Your bestie who was there for you when you were bullied, outcasted, and ridiculed for your talents and gifts. He was the first guy you fell in love with, and though it may have been just a crush, it doesn't get rid of the past and the fact that he was important to you."
He smiled slightly. "In the beginning, it's not like I disliked Elijah. None of the guys hated him. He wasn't competing with us. The problem was the reality that he was dragging you along like you weren't a queen to be loved, cherished, pampered, and idolized for all the amazing qualities you carried. His bitterness and jealousy were beginning to show, and instead of being a man and admitting he had a crush on you and didn't want to lose you, he pushed you further away and hurt you. That's why I began to despise him. Because he hurt the woman I was coming to fall in love with."
"Jax," I whispered.
"When we discovered the potential that Elijah has been a puppet in all of this, it made me realize what a victim he could potentially be. That the only joy in life he had was the friendship and moments he shared with you. Those weren't tampered with by the plans of the Shadow Kingdom. Maybe it was done on purpose so you'd never realize how close the true enemy was. We won't know until Elijah wakes up, but if he's truly innocent and has been left in the shadows to only come out to be hurt and be stripped of all he once cared about...then I can't judge him for what he didn't mean to do."
He sighed as if he'd been struggling to get all of that off his chest.
"Most people misunderstand Jaxsin. They never grasp that he's not the same reincarnated person from our past life. It annoys me to be judged for stuff in the past that I can't clearly remember doing, and it hurts far more than anyone really realizes. Kaito, Finnick, your sister, and her team, they don't see things the way you see them. They don't get that Jaxsin is working on himself and trying to change and tame the fire I'd engraved in him. It's hard...and annoying when the world ignores all the progress we've made in the shadows. Being ignored hurts, and I'm sure Elijah has had to deal with that his whole life while knowing whatever he cherished the most would eventually slip from his grasp. No one would defend him. They would remind him of the past, of his old self, and insist that the past will repeat itself. Basically, prove that nothing can be changed. When I think in that manner, it makes me realize how similar Elijah’s and my circumstances could potentially be."
Running his outstretched hand along my cheek to run through my hair, he gazed into my eyes once more. "If you want to open that chapter, none of us will stop you, Brianne, but what we can't let you do is hurt yourself over it. When Fuwa found you, you were in Elijah's bedroom. He doesn't know how you got there and he’s positive you didn't Spell Travel there either."
"So...I did pass out." I bit my lip in worry while Jax nodded.
"You've been out all morning and afternoon."
"That means we did miss the festival." My shoulders sank as I tried not to shed more tears. Finnick's going to be so upset.
"You didn't miss anything," Jax revealed. "It’s only four. The art portion starts in an hour because there was a delay in delivering one of the competitive pieces."
"Meaning...we can still go?" I asked with wide eyes filled with hope.
"As long as you’re feeling up for it," he assured me.
"Jax," I whispered and tried to blink back my tears. "So...you're okay if I keep checking on Elijah?"
"I'm perfectly fine with it as long as you’re safe, Brianne," he stressed with a serious gaze. "After this festival, you're getting a week off. No excuses. You need to catch up on much-needed sleep, and if you want to visit Elijah, you'll do so with one of us to make sure you're protected. Not because we want to keep an eye on you. We don't know who got you out of Switzerland and back here, but we can make sure we're together. We can find a better way to teleport back and forth then draining Professor Phoenix. We can also alternate in checking on Elijah so you're not too strained with your cheer practices."
"And when he wakes up?"
"We'll figure out the truth. If he's truly innocent and has feelings for you, then I won't object to you wanting to try again, but he's going to have to start from fucking scratch to be close to us, or you, as a matter of fact, and if he dares to scratch your heart with his stubborn stupidity, he's out."
"So...just to make sure," I began, "you're not disgusted that I may still like him."