Crap. “Which fuckwit?”
“One of the ones who wanted you to be their mate and didn’t want to give you an option in the matter. Your violent refusal offered me hope, as earlier that week, you’d spent an entire hour with me in a coffee shop talking business, and you only hissed at me once. I got several purrs out of you that day.”
Oh. That fuckwit. “Yeah. He was a wolf. It’s fine. I’ll just tell the bastards I gave you the picture as a challenge or something. With my makeup skills? They’ll believe it’s fake blood. You should see what I do for Halloween. Once, I showed up with no face, just exposed bone and flayed muscle and blood. I made people faint. It was amazing. Once I finished laughing, I stole their candy, wrote messages in lipstick on their foreheads, and had a great time. They got revenge, but I’d gotten them so damned good it was worth tolerating.”
“Dare I ask what sort of revenge they got on you?”
“They filled my fridge with cans of whipped cream. That’s it. Just cans of whipped cream. They stole my food and replaced it with whipped cream. One of them took mercy on me and left some hot chocolate out. I had to go bum food off my mother for a week because they cleaned the whole place out, and I was between paychecks. They knew this, too. They waited for a slim week to get their revenge. It was also in the middle of January.”
“I fail to see how this is revenge.”
“Well, I had to go to my parents’ place every day several times a day if I wanted food, but the hot chocolate with whipped cream part of that week? Quite nice, actually. I gained five pounds, but I was a little thin anyway.”
“So, you’re saying, their version of revenge was treating you with something you like but making you go home for a week to be properly fed?”
“When you phrase it like that, it was a very odd choice of revenge. I did like it more than I should have.”
“We’re going to have rules in our house, Wells. One of those rules involves you eating a proper diet. I will feed you by hand if I must.”
“You just signed up to spend a ridiculous time feeding me, Mr. Mane. Will you drag me home if I’m late for dinner?”
“Absolutely.”
“It’s good to be me. Just don’t let me get fat. I need to be in good shape to hunt idiots.”
“I can work with that condition.” Sebastian stretched. “They didn’t joke around on your new car. I had no idea Corvettes were this nice. I didn’t really put them in upper end luxury sports car territory, but this feels like a luxury sports car.”
“It’s fun to drive, but I’m really not used to how responsive it is. I feel like I’m driving a cloud, and it’s disconcerting. Have you ever driven a luxury sports car before?”
“A few times. I don’t own one because I know how much they cost to maintain. I’m guessing your family checked into the maintenance costs and figured you’d be able to afford the bills—or your uncle would be footing the bills while your family pays him for them.”
“And unbeknownst to them, I can afford my own bills.”
“Right. Still, I’m pretty impressed with your family. They have a really streamlined process of feeding the whole family, although I’m a little shocked your mother tried to wipe everybody out with spicy fried chicken. And how enthusiastic you all were about making all that chicken disappear.”
“We love fried chicken. We love spicy food even more than we love fried chicken. We love when our fried chicken is spicy. Unfortunately, we’re weak, weak felines, and we cry when we eat spicy food.” I sighed. “But it was so good. But so hot.”
“My spicy dishes are about twice as hot, Wells.”
“You are cooking for me the instant we get home. And you will provide milk for me. In exchange, I will purr for you.”
“Perhaps I should have just told your brothers to make sure they can cook and clean. That would have a lot of women knocking on their doors. If you want me to cook for you, I’ll cook for you. If you can’t cook, you will learn. Or at least learn enough to not starve if I have to go on a business trip and can’t take you with me. But if you can’t cook, you will learn.”
“I can handle basic survival on my own, but I suspect I do not cook up to your standards.”
“It doesn’t have to be up to my standards, you just have to be competent.”
“I am barely competent. So, Chicago. Where am I taking us tonight?”
“There is a nice hotel about two hours from here, and I’ve already gotten a reservation. I did it while you were unwrapping your car. I’ll admit, I indulged. This is my first vacation in a while, and I tend to be rather frugal. I also get paid bonuses like your uncle does on bounty handling, and I take on some bounties directly, but I tend to work specialty jobs. Although you’ve become a bit of a specialist.”
“At what? Going into coffee shops, waiting for the asshole I want to take out to come in and start something, and beating him into submission? If so, I’m definitely a specialist.”
“I’m really hoping you’re going to use a different tactic on this job.”
“I absolutely am not going to use a different tactic. That’s how he operates. I’m going to use a temporary microchip, trackers in my clothes, my purse, and so on, and have you handle the tracking portion of my adventure while I set myself up to be the latest addition to his little black book of death. I’m also going to put in a request for any tricks the CDC has on resisting mind-altering substances and temporary immunities to pixie dust. While I’m doing that, I want you to check the local black markets for repeat buyers of top-grade pixie dust.”
I expected my commentary would annoy the lion, but to my surprise, he made a thoughtful noise without growling at me over my general plan. “Elaborate on temporary microchipping, please.”
“It’s a pill that doesn’t digest. It usually stays in the body for up to forty-eight hours. I’d take a pill every morning, and you’d track them all. This way, you can track my general pattern.”
“Would you consent to a general microchipping?”
“Maybe.” I considered my general situation, our target’s inclination to murder his victims in gruesome fashions after probably impregnating them, and came to the conclusion only an idiot would decline microchipping. “Okay, yes. For this job, I will consent to being microchipped, but I may ask to have it removed after the job is over.”
“Done. I’ll contact the CDC about getting you chipped tomorrow. And you’ll probably get paid a bonus, as the microchipping technology for agents is still under development and needs to be tested.”
“I accept bonuses without remorse. Ask about the neutralizers and preventatives for pixie dust and other compounds like it while you’re booking me in for a microchipping.”
“Anything else you’ll need for the job?”
“Yes. Business appropriate attire for a woman who will never be anything other than a secretary, and not one of those pretty secretaries who gets bent over their boss’s desk during lunch.” I glanced at Sebastian before fixing my attention back on the road where it belonged. “If you don’t have a desk appropriate for that sort of lunchtime play when we’re at home, I’m going to be forced to use my saddest lynx techniques until we get such a desk.”