I kept bouncing and purring, waiting for my parents to show up. Within a few minutes, they did, and my father tossed me a gift box wrapped in blue paper. “You haven’t even seen it yet, and you’re already out here purring like a little idiot?”
My daddy sounded rather pleased I was purring like a little idiot, and I wasted no time spinning around and diving off the porch to play with my new car. I made it three steps before Sebastian caught me by the waist and hauled me in. To keep me from struggling too much, he lifted me off my feet and tucked me against his side while I dangled off his arm. “Open the box in your hands first, Harri. Then, if there’s an alarm system, disable the alarm. Then, and only then, begin tearing the paper off. You might get overly excited in your effort to mark the vehicle as yours and set the alarm off.”
I should have stopped purring, but I tore into the box, tossed the paper aside, and found a jewelry gift box. I cracked it open to find two car fobs and matching key rings decorated with a gemstone-encrusted lynx and a lion. “Lion!” I twisted around and contorted in my effort to show Sebastian the lion charm. “We each got one.” I checked again, and the second set was enamel instead of covered with stones. “A more masculine one for you, one covered in bling for me.”
Sebastian chuckled, took the fob with the enamel charms, and pressed the unlock button on the fob twice. The wrapped car beeped. He released me. “Now that you won’t accidentally set off the alarm, go play with your present.”
I almost dropped the keys, which Sebastian rescued before I tore off and grabbed for the paper. It put up a fight, and I hissed at it before settling in to wage war against my opponent.
Some cruel, evil entity had trapped my gift with confetti, which erupted every which way when I tore through the first layer. Confetti beat glitter, but the scraps of paper spilled everywhere, revealing another layer.
Someone had wrapped my car up with duct tape. I admired their work, which would require my claws to get into. Did I use my full lynx form or my hybrid form? I debated, opted for the path of least resistance, and transformed my right hand into a claw-wielding paw. The duct tape would die at my hand, but I had to do so in such a way I didn’t damage the car beneath.
Only an idiot purred at the challenge the silvery tape presented, but I couldn’t help myself.
“I have noticed she really appreciates whenever someone puts in any effort whatsoever on her behalf,” Sebastian said with laughter in his voice. “She meant to say thank you for the watch, as she really likes it. It took her the entire week to work up the nerve to wear it, as she’s terrified of breaking it. The cheese box might be her favorite possession, and I count myself fortunate she lets me touch it.”
My twin brothers laughed loud enough I paused in my planning to regard them with interest. Hugh said, “The box was us. She has some serious problems with catnip, so we wanted to give her some, but the good catnip-infused cheeses go rancid really fast if they’re left out, so we got the box. The watch came from the rest of the litters, although we chipped in, too. The car is from all of us. We started saving up when you stopped letting us buy you things for Christmas or your birthday, Harri.”
Sneaky bastards. “How long has that been, anyway?”
“You were ten,” Harvey informed me. “Mom and Dad helped us do it, and we gave you the one present we forced you to accept each year to cover our clandestine activities. We increased how much we put away as we got older, and every time we got something nice, our uncles contributed to our fund, too. When we found out you were going to the spa, we went over our finances and started buying the gifts. We weren’t expecting you to actually let Dad get rid of your junker, so we had to improvise, but we managed.”
I stared at Sebastian, as I had no idea what to do.
“Purr, wage war with the wrapping job, purr some more, and rub up against the car once you’ve gotten to see what it is while purring,” he suggested. “Mostly, just purr. Once you get the purring out of your system, you can indulge in hugging or whatever else you see fit. If you’re that happy, you can even cry, just make sure you purr while you do so to mitigate any alarm and concern. It’s all right if you’re purring.”
My brothers stared at Sebastian with their mouths hanging open.
“What?”
“You have her figured out?” Harvey demanded.
“I’ve turned making her purr into an art.”
Well, I couldn’t argue with that, so I shrugged. “It’s true. He’s trained me to purr on demand, basically. I like his roars so much I just start purring when he does it. I tried to act all fierce and pretend I don’t actually purr whenever he roars, so he got in my face, roared at me, and waited. I purred like an idiot. I have no more feline pride. It’s dead, so I may as well purr. What use is there for dignity?” I investigated the bottom of the car to discover it had been wrapped in paper and duct tape, too. “How much tape did you use on this thing?”
“Why don’t you come on in and have a drink, Sebastian?” my father invited. “Harri will be at it for a while. Her mother’s making some fried chicken.”
Poor Sebastian. I hoped he survived. “You make it sound like I’m going to be here for a long while, Dad. Like hours.”
“You have how many brothers? They all wanted a turn with your present. Good luck and have fun. I’ll take care of your lion, and I won’t let your brothers beat him. If you need help, give a shout.”
“Do you love or hate me?” I asked, wondering what sort of fresh hell I would discover underneath the layer of duct tape.
“We love making you hate us,” my father replied. “Come along, Sebastian. I’m sure one of her brothers will keep an eye on her, and even if they don’t, we set up cameras to capture the entire unwrapping process, which we can watch and savor at our leisure.”
“You could at least watch my suffering in real time!”
“We’ll check in on you every now and then,” he promised before taking my lion into the house.
I truly had the best father.
Twelve
I could help you lick that off.
Beneath the duct tape was glitter, but it wasn’t just glitter. It was glitter made of sugar, making certain my family’s terrible idea of a joke wouldn’t damage the environment. Underneath the glitter, someone had gotten the idea to use chains linked together with padlocks, zip ties, and silicon, creating an iron barricade separating me from my new car. To add to the fun, the keys were trapped in balls of cured silicon, which had been left in several plastic baggies in the layer of glitter, which covered the prized parking spot and would attract every ant in the state.
I stopped counting after twenty padlocks. A heavy cloth cover protected my car from the chains, and judging from the wheels, which I could finally spot, I owned a car that lacked hub cabs, as it had mags instead.
Sexy, sexy mags.
I spent a solid thirty minutes stroking the wheels on my new car, wondering what sort of pretty vehicle waited underneath the cover protecting it from my brothers and their horrible sense of humor.
Sebastian chuckled from somewhere behind me. “Have you been purring the entire time, or do those tires make you that happy?”