“You’re as hung up on him now as you were when we first met. And now… after those pictures, he knows it.”
“I was drunk,” I explain for the fiftieth time while flicking a glance at the ceiling. Thankfully, or I would have nothing to blame my bad behavior on. Unfortunately, I wasn’t inebriated when I told Lewis and Kiki. I only have myself to blame for the awkwardness that is this conversation. “And it didn’t mean anything. A big fat zero.”
It truly was nothing. If there were any muddled thoughts on that, Vale cleared them up when he told me to find someone who actually wanted to be with me. Like my college boyfriend did when I found him making out with that girl’s genitals at a frat party. Yet another reason I don’t bother dating.
It’s cool though. If that’s how Vale feels about the whole situation, it’s fine. I don’t need a guy to validate my worth. I have my career… and my friends… and donuts. I have donuts.
I clamber off the couch and move to the kitchen where I still have a couple of donuts left from the box Lewis had delivered to me this morning. Because that’s the kind of great friends I have. I take a bear claw out of the carton. “Truly.”
“Bullshit,” he says. “That’s why you’re stuffing your face with cheese puffs and sugary baked goods.”
I stare at what is now half a bear claw. “Erm, do you know me at all? This is Friday night dinner, baby.”
He rubs his hand down his face and sighs. “I don’t know what to do with you.”
“I’m good.” I lick my fingers and stow the box of Crunch Berries under my arm. “I promise. I’m going to watch The Witcher and flirt with Cap’N Crunch. Possibly eat his berries. And forget all about Vale Westerly and his stupid, pretty face.”
“Okay,” Lewis says. “Message me in the morning?”
“Will do. I love you.”
“Love you too,” he says and then hangs up.
Another name pops onto my screen as soon as Lewis disappears. Speaking of the dill pickle…
Vale: You left without saying goodbye.
“Well, that was because you were being a jackass.” I’m not quite ready to talk to him. Not when every time I think of him it stings. And I can’t stop thinking about him. It’s like is this color sample, right? Aww, it’s practically the same color as Vale’s cerulean eyes. Blech. I’m making myself nauseous.
Those carrots in costumes are sounding more and more like a good idea. I could be the crazy carrot lady instead of the crazy cat lady. Lewis is right, I need to stop thinking about the dill pickle. That’s the only way to put this crush squarely where it should be. Not behind me, because I have totally fantasized about Vale coming up behind me.
Wrapping his arms around me.
Pulling my hair away from my neck, so he can skate his lips along the line of my throat. Nibbling, sucking, teasing.
Pressing every inch of his hard body against me. Making me gasp when the banana in his pocket, that extra hard piece of forbidden fruit, rubs against my ass while he whispers erotically naughty somethings in my ear.
Like, “You’re so sexy,” and “I want you so much I can’t fight it anymore,” and “I’m going to make you scream my name. Over and over and over…”
That’s all in the past though. It has to be. I need to forget about every daydream and fantasy I’ve had about him and move on. Which is what I thought I’d been doing all these years, but apparently throwing myself into work isn’t cutting it.
Another notification slides onto my screen. Another text message from my brother’s best friend.
Vale: Come on, Lil. You can’t stay mad at me forever.
“I absolutely can,” I mutter under my breath. Or at least I can manage to stay mad at him long enough to get over him.
I mean come on, what was I thinking? Crushing on my brother’s life bromance partner. I might as well try to date Jane. I’d probably have more luck if I did.
Vale: I don’t want to fight. Can’t we go back to normal?
“No, no we can’t.” Because normal is me pretending I didn’t doodle hearts and our names intertwined on my school books when I was sixteen. Or that I didn’t wish that he’d kiss me with all the passion of a man possessed when I blew out the candles on my birthday cake at eighteen. Or that I haven’t fantasized about us in all the positions in the Karma Sutra. And that I did not try to send foxy half-naked pictures to him mere weeks ago. Or that even in this moment I’m still wondering if we could possibly ever find our way together, despite the fact that I know better. And if I hadn’t kissed him and sent those pictures, he would never have had a clue about any of it.
No, it’s too late for normal. I have to move forward so that we can find a new regular. A new way to fit together in the life we share with my brother. And if that means doing the one thing that I possibly hate most, then first dates are my new best friend.
I open up the Icebreaker app and pull up my message chain with the Cap. Sucking the inside of my cheek between my teeth, I type out a new message.
Violet Queen: So do you think you might want to meet?
What do you know? Waiting for a response is completely nerve wracking. The receipt changes from sent to seen. The universal bouncing dots jump onto the screen and my breath catches. They bounce on and on and on. Stop. Start again. Finally morph into words.
Cap’N Crunch: I don’t know.
Wow. I drop onto the sofa, the box of Crunch Berries slipping from under my arm and tipping over. His response is surprisingly disappointing. All that nervous energy for nothing. I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea anyway. All right, let’s recover. I type out another quick text.
Violet Queen: Sorry. That was lame. We don’t know each other.
His response is much quicker this time. It’s also pretty flattering. Like a rejection sandwich. Well, an open-faced banana sandwich. Since it’s sweet and makes my heartbeat return to normal.
Cap’N Crunch: Well, I know you a little. I know you’re funny and sarcastic as hell and I’m pretty sure you don’t take shit from anybody.
If only…
Violet Queen: You might be surprised on that last one.
Cap’N Crunch: Let me guess. It’s your family? Boss? Your cat?
I laugh. If I had a cat, I’d bet my last dollar it would be the most opinionated feline. Thankfully I only have an overprotective brother and a ridiculous crush on a guy with no qualms about women except for when it comes to me. Can I get any more blessed?
Violet Queen: Brother. But it comes from a good place.
Cap’N Crunch: Ah, I get you. I have a best friend who is like that about his sister. So what’s bro’s problem? Thinks you’re still a kid? Worries you’ll steal his friends or something?
He hits a little too close to home. Although in the words of Elle Woods, like it’s hard. Especially when talking about older brothers. I don’t expect that I’m the first girl with this problem. Or the last.