Violet Queen: A family friend. I put myself out there. Sort of. And that was all it took for him to make it clear that he will never see me like that.
Cap’N Crunch: Ouch.
Violet Queen: Rejection is all lemons. No tequila. But don’t worry, I have my own supply of Patron and I know how to make margaritas.
Christ, it’s like she’s the flipside of my coin. Is this how Lily felt when I told her that she should want someone who could want her? I saw how much it hurt her when I said it, and I’ve been feeling like an ass ever since. Now, even more so.
Cap’N Crunch: That sucks. I’m sorry.
Violet Queen: No need. It’s not like you were there.
No, I wasn’t. But I might as well have been. The scenario is the same.
Cap’N Crunch: Well, I think you’re fantastic. And if it helps, I’m willing to meet up. Somewhere that idiot will see us. So we can make him so jealous he cracks.
Violet Queen: Do you think that’s a possibility? That he would get jealous?
If it was me. If I were him. If she was Lily. Hell yes, I’d be on edge the minute I caught another guy flirting with Lily, laughing at her sarcastic retorts, and claiming her smiles. The idea of someone getting close enough to taste her skin or inhale her sweetness makes me tense inside. This possessiveness. It isn’t me. It’s irrational and unnerving. It used to be easier to ignore.
I focus on my new friend. I can deal with her problem. Help her.
Cap’N Crunch: He’d probably end up punching me in the face. That’s how much it would frustrate him to see you with someone else.
Violet Queen: I think you’re making assumptions.
Cap’N Crunch: Am I? Because he’d have to be an idiot not to be able to see how great you are.
Violet Queen: That’s really nice of you to say. But I think I would be able to tell if he liked me.
Cap’N Crunch: Are you sure about that? Because guys are weird about hiding their true feelings.
They don’t showcase their weaknesses. And they don’t wear their hearts on their sleeve. Well, unless they’re Hud, and even then it’s like he’s holding an Uno Reverse Card each time he mentions his feelings so you can never be sure whether he’s joking or serious or you’re literally assigning your own opinion to what he’s saying. But a lot of us… well, me… I’m not like that.
Even if Hud wasn’t in the picture I couldn’t tell Lily I like her, because I don’t want to like anyone.
The fact that I’m not invincible to her has burrowed under my skin like a tick, though. She makes me wish I was someone who could be the guy she deserves.
Violet Queen: Thanks for the heads up, but I have a sibling and his four pain in the ass friends who also like to believe they’re my self-styled older brothers. I know having a penis makes you weird.
Cap’N Crunch: Fine. If you don’t want my help just say so.
Violet Queen: I didn’t say that. I just don’t think there’s anything to help.
Cap’N Crunch: If you change your mind you know where to find me.
Violet Queen: I’ll whistle real loud.
Cap’N Crunch: I’m working on fixing that, I promise.
Violet Queen: You know it really is too bad that you’re living the Maury life and I have a thing for my brother’s best friend. We could have been amazing.
She’s joking. I know it. She knows it. We’re both pretty clearly fucked up. Well, I am. She’s unfortunate in who she chooses to fall for. But at least that guy, whoever he is, isn’t me.
Cap’N Crunch: I’d only break your heart.
Violet Queen: Friends then?
Cap’N Crunch: It seems inevitable, doesn’t it?
Violet Queen: Then, friend, enough about me. What are we going to do about you?
How much can I confide to a complete stranger? I finish up what I’m doing and shut down my computer. I send another message to Lily and hope this is the one that she finally responds to, but I don’t suspect she will. Not if she’s still smarting like I think she is.
I stand under the spray in the shower for a long while, considering what I’ll do when I see her. I scrub myself dry. What will I say if she won’t talk to me? What will I say if she does? I crawl between the sheets. What would I say if she was the girl on the app and not my best friend’s little sister?
Any which way I look at it I come to only one conclusion. There’s no escaping I have feelings for my best friend’s sister.
Cap’N Crunch: It’s time to move on.
Violet Queen: Tough decision?
Cap’N Crunch: Yeah. But I can help you with yours. Want to meet up?
Violet Queen: As friends?
Cap’N Crunch: Totally.
Chapter Thirteen
Lily
Violet Queen: The last date I went on I found out I was allergic to macadamia nuts. I ended up in the emergency room, looking like Quasimodo and dosed up on antihistamines. It goes without saying that was the most awkward date ever. And the guy still wanted to come in for “coffee.”
Cap’N Crunch: Are you serious??
Violet Queen: And I quote, “Come on, doll, I’m not planning on sticking it in your face.”
Cap’N Crunch: Holy shit. I’m guessing you told him where to go.
Violet Queen: Sure. I told him to turn left at the corner and go straight to hell.
Cap’N Crunch: Well, I’ll remember to keep the macadamias far away from you.
Violet Queen: And your dick too!
Violet Queen: Was that too crude? Should I have said peen?
Saturday night and we’re at Line ‘Em Up. Well, we’re at the L.A. version. There’s no Hud though. No Vale or Fleetwood or Callan. None of the newer crew either. There’s no one here to keep me out of trouble or tell me what to do or protect me from boys who look at me the wrong way.
It’s also the place Cap’N Crunch suggested we meet for the first time. Considering it’s the hottest night club in the city, that’s hardly surprising. It feels like everyone in L.A. is crammed into the venue tonight.
I wrestle my way to the sinks in the bathroom so I can check my hair and makeup in the mirrors. Kiki is already there, reaching inside her sparkly jacket to adjust her boobs in the crushed velvet gold bralette she’s wearing underneath it.
It’s eighties night and it seems like we’re the only Cindy Lauper and Whitney Houston in a sea of Madonnas. It’s a little surprising that’s the case when there are so many powerful female voices to come out of that decade. They’re even being sampled on the radio these days, old masterpieces spun up into new hits. But I guess most people my age don’t have a brother like Hud. I can thank him for my excessive knowledge about every genre of music from the eighties and especially the nineties.
I tighten the velvet scrunchies holding my temporarily fire engine red hair in check and smooth my hands down the multiple bright ruffles of my otherwise denim dress.
“It suits you,” Kiki tells me as she watches me tug the strands into position. “You’re smoking hot.”
“Thanks.” I take my candy apple lipstick out of my purse and uncap it. Open my mouth and roll the pigment over my lips.