I put down the Fruit Loops and get to my feet. “I’ll go see.”
Vale stands on the step. Hands glued to the lining of his pockets. Shoulders tight to his ears. He’s practically vibrating with energy. It’s cool tonight but not cold enough for him to be shivering.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so awkward and uncomfortable. And he’s still wearing that ridiculous blue shirt that is actually kind of hot on him. “What are you doing here?”
“Hud gave me the address so I could check on you for him.”
“You can tell my brother I’m fine.” I step back and start to close the door. For one sweet second I actually thought that maybe Kiki was right and that he was here for me and not for my brother. “Dandy even.”
“That’s not why I’m here.” He catches the timber with his hand, preventing me from shutting him out. “I needed to see you. Couldn’t leave things like that. I honestly didn’t think you’d still be up.”
“Can’t sleep.” I shrug. “Tonight was…”
“It was a lot,” he says, creating a mohawk with his fingers. “I handled it badly.”
“You think?” I arch an eyebrow. I hate that he’s adorable when he’s rumpled. I hate that it’s my favorite Vale look. And that my fingers itch to make it worse or make it better. Just to touch him.
“Can I come in?” His voice is rough.
“Um.” I glance over my shoulder. The house is quiet. Kiki must have gone up to her room. “I guess.”
“Thanks.” He follows me through the living room and into the kitchen. “Nice house.”
“It’s Parker and Bree’s.” I pull juice from the fridge and pour both of us a glass.
“That makes sense.” He glances around the gourmet kitchen with its marble waterfall counters and state of the art appliances and every conceivable piece of equipment anyone would need because they have a chef come in since neither of them can cook. “You designed it, didn’t you?”
“Yes.” I scoot one tall glass closer to him. I’m miffed as to what he’s doing here. I’m still chafing from earlier. Surely he must know that.
“Want to show me around?” he asks.
I can’t work him out. Can’t fathom what he’s thinking. This new awkwardness between us sucks so much. I miss him. I miss how we used to be before I made it weird. I don’t know how we get back to what we were. Especially after tonight.
He licks his lips and picks up his glass. Stares out into the backyard. He has something to say. I just know it. But I haven’t got a clue what. I used to know what was going on with him. “Okay, sure.”
I take him through the first floor. Point out the things that I’m most proud of. The Italian marble. The eighteen foot ceilings. The huge seating area around an indoor fire place. We wander outside where there’s a full kitchen, including a bar and a built in fire pit. And beyond that a pool and the cabana with its butter yellow walls and terracotta roof. “Bree and I picked over every little detail to create their dream home. Well, second dream home, since we all know they love Chicago most.”
“What about you?” He takes a sip of his tropical drink. “Is Chicago home, Lil, or would you want to move out here?”
Why would he ask me that? I know he originally moved to Chicago from out this way. Maybe he’s thinking about relocating. I wrap my arms around my waist and take a few steps toward the line of loungers by the pool. “I haven’t thought about it. What about you?”
“You couldn’t pay me to move back to L.A.” His voice holds a burr of darkness, an edge of anger.
I don’t know what happened. He’s never talked about it. At least not with me, and that’s not so surprising when I’ve always been the kid sister of his best friend. But I know in the deep down recesses of my soul that it haunts him.
“What if you met someone out here?” The question is out before I have a chance to reign in my thoughts.
“That won’t happen,” he says, matter-of-fact.
“But what if you did? Stranger things have happened.”
“Are you looking to meet someone?”
“That’s not the point.” I hug myself tight. “Would you move?”
“No.” He puts his drink down on one of the bamboo side tables. “What about you?”
Would I move across the country for love? Home has never been a place to me. It’s always been the people I’m surrounded by. My brother and his friends. Lewis and Trix and Kiki. My grandparents. People who wanted to be in my life as much as I wanted to be in theirs. Goosebumps break out on my legs. “I don’t care if I live the rest of my life in Chicago or move to Timbuktu. Home base is where you and Hud are.”
“Lily,” he cautions.
“It’s okay,” I say. “I’m not telling you because of how I feel about you. I get that nothing is supposed to happen between us. It’s just the truth. You and Hud and Jane are my nucleus.”
“It isn’t okay though.” He comes to stand beside me at the edge of the pool. Fingers tucked back into his pockets and glued to his thighs. “Not after this evening.”
“No, it isn’t.” I turn on him. “You really hurt me tonight. That was such an asshole move.”
“I’m not a nice guy.” He shrugs. Can’t even look me in the eye. “But you knew that already.”
“I don’t know that.” I shake my head and shove my hand into his chest. “The guy I grew up around is not that mean. He’s a nice guy who would protect me from jerks like you.”
“That’s what I was doing,” he says.
“Oh. That’s what you were doing?” The pitch of my voice rises higher than my eyebrows as I stare at him in disbelief.
“Yes.” His voice is calm and steady as though his response is so well-rehearsed as to be ingrained.
“I don’t even know what that means.” I throw my hands up. “You’re trying to protect me from jerks? Or from you?”
“Now you’re getting it.”
“So you’re saying you’re a jerk?”
“Lil.” He sounds frustrated. “What else would you call it? I kissed you, for fuck’s sake. My best friend’s sister. My closest female friend. And I fucking stuck my tongue down your throat with nothing but the intent to know exactly what you taste like.”
I know he’s frustrated and angry at himself, but damn if hearing him say that doesn’t make my thighs clench. “Y-you chased me across the country?”
“Yes.” He moves into my space. “Damn it all to hell. That’s exactly what I did.”
“You kissed me because you…” My brain stutters to a stop. He’s too near. All pheromones and heat and blue, blue eyes. All I can think about is that kiss. His taste. His smell. The bruises on my hips, shaped like his fingers. How much I want to stretch up on my tiptoes and repeat that toe curling kiss despite the fact that he was such a jerk about it. I take a step back.
Big mistake. I teeter on the edge of the pool for the longest second of my life.
“Lily.” He grabs at me but I’ve already got momentum and he doesn’t have balance. My arms go around his neck like I’m grabbing onto a life preserver as we fall.