Where the world was safe from him.
He tugged on his clothes, well aware that Haley was watching him without getting out of bed. She probably was horrified. She probably thought there was something wrong with him.
There was.
“You didn’t just serve,” she said with that quiet conviction he found so unnerving. “You have PTSD.”
And just like that, the secret Damon struggled to hide was out in the open. He felt exposed and vulnerable, which didn’t exactly help in his current situation.
He had to get out.
Immediately.
Damon was ex-military, and he had PTSD. Haley felt stupid for not seeing the truth sooner, even though that was hardly her area of expertise.
She just believed she should understand everyone’s issues.
And preferably fix them.
She saw the panic in Damon’s eyes when she made her guess and knew enough about the condition that she understood he’d want to flee.
Nightmares, flashbacks or bad dreams.
Heightened fight-or-flight response.
Emotional detachment.
The list of symptoms unfurled in her mind and she easily identified the ones she’d noticed in his behavior.
“It’s not your concern,” he snapped, grabbing his T-shirt.
Haley moved quickly. She was on her feet and leaning against the door to the corridor by the time Damon turned. She knew he wouldn’t hurt her, but she saw in his eyes that he wasn’t as confident in that. “It is my concern, because you’re here in my apartment.”
“That won’t happen again.”
“It might not. What is going to happen is that we’re going to talk about this.”
“Not on your life.”
“It’s not my life that’s at stake,” Haley replied calmly. “It’s yours.”
He grimaced and looked away, one hand tightening into a fist. “You don’t understand.”
“Not completely, no. That doesn’t mean I can’t help.”
“It does!” His eyes flashed.
“Didn’t you have treatment?”
“It was a long time ago.” He pushed his hand through his hair. “I have a system. I have a routine. They taught me that and it works.”
“Until you’re stressed,” Haley guessed. “Then the symptoms get worse again.”
“I have a system,” he said, grinding out the words. If sheer willpower could heal him, it would have done so already. Haley was in awe of his discipline. “I’m not going to talk about this. I’m going to get through it.”
“You need to talk about it, if not to me then to one of your partners, or a therapist. That’s the only way you will get through it.”
“You don’t know what’s best for me,” he said with hostility that she knew wasn’t really directed at her. “You can’t fix me, Haley.”
“No, you’d have to fix yourself, and that means asking for help. I’m going to guess that you don’t like asking for help.”
“I don’t need help.”
“Because everything’s going so well?” She shook her head. “We all need help sometimes, Damon. No one can do it all alone.”
He took a deep breath, surveyed the apartment as if he’d find the words there somewhere, glared at the cat, then met her gaze again.
“You did ask to come here,” she pointed out.
He glowered at her. “I owed you a thank-you.”
Haley thought she’d try to make him smile. “If you thanked everybody with orgasms like that, you’d have a lot more friends.”
Damon didn’t laugh, though. In fact, he looked more grim than before. “It’s not going to happen again.” He bent to haul on his boots.
“So, you don’t want me to visit your mom when you can’t?”
He half-turned, his expression wary, and Haley knew he was torn. “That’s not what I said.”
“If I do, will you say thanks again?”
Damon’s jaw tightened and she thought of volcanoes on the verge of explosion. His control was amazing. His eyes blazed, then he composed himself again. “No. This was the last time. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come here.”
“I’m glad you did.”
She got a simmering look for that.
“You can’t fix me, Haley. I won’t lie to you. And I won’t promise anything I can’t deliver.”
Haley shook her head. “Well, I’d like to live in that world,” she said. “Imagine, being able to control every little thing. Imagine being in command of all the details, of being able to decide what happened next.” She raised her hands. “Who lived. Who died. Who got cancer. Who won the lottery. That would be some kind of power.”
“Don’t mock me.”
“I’m not mocking you. I’m pointing out the flaw in your logic. You can’t control every detail. You’re not God. You can’t know that you can keep every single promise you make. You can only try.”
“I don’t see the difference.”
“There’s a big one. Because if you believe you’re in complete control and something bigger than all of us makes you wrong, where does that leave you?” She didn’t think she had to mention his mom’s illness.
Damon looked so suddenly broken that Haley’s compassion surged to new strength. “Right where I am, in case you haven’t guessed,” he admitted under his breath.
“You couldn’t keep one promise,” she guessed in a whisper. “So you won’t make any more.”
“I let someone down. I won’t do that ever again.” He shook his head and turned away from her. He picked up his jacket, without ever looking back at her.
“But what happens when you need someone, Damon?”
He gave her a hot look. “I never need anyone.”
“You will soon.” She could have said he needed someone already, but she knew he’d argue that.
“No.” He shook his head, emphatic in clinging to his conclusions. Haley admired his resolve. “No. I will not withdraw what I can’t repay.”
“You’re underestimating yourself. Your partners would have your back if you trusted them with the truth.”
“Are you done?” he demanded, his tone sharper. “This was sex, Haley, not therapy. I’m sorry I had a nightmare but that doesn’t make me your next project. You have no right to examine my choices and pester me to make different ones.”
“Because I was just a fuck,” she said, her voice hard, and watched him flinch.
“Don’t say that.”
“Why not? It must be what you mean.”
“No, it isn’t...” He fell silent, then eyed her for a moment. “What happened with Garrett?” he asked instead. “What did he do?”
The question caught Haley by surprise but she gave him one of his own answers. “It’s not your concern.”
“You’re right,” he said quietly. He swore under his breath, pivoted, and left her apartment.
Haley swore a little more loudly, locked the deadbolt behind him so that the sound would echo down the corridor, then folded her arms across her chest.