“Nothing. It was what you did.” She took two steps forward and saw him inhale.
Ha. Haley understood that she had power in this transaction, that he was worried about losing control if she touched him. He must be close to letting it slip.
So, she would touch him. Haley was sure that she had to break Damon’s composure to make a difference.
“What did I do?”
“You thanked me so very well that I can’t forget it.”
He frowned again. “Haley...”
“I’m sorry about your mom,” she said, interrupting him. “She was a nice lady.” When he didn’t reply to that, she offered her hand, as if to shake hands. “I came to give you my condolences.”
“You must have come for more than that,” he accused, the corner of his mouth lifting just a little. “Nothing is ever that simple with you.”
“Is that a good thing?”
The smile almost broke free, then he shook his head and heaved a sigh. “It’s an interesting thing,” he admitted with caution.
Haley would take interesting over the other possibilities. “Why?”
“Because you’re fearless. You think you can poke and prod me without repercussions, like I’m a great big teddy bear, but you’re wrong, Haley. You don’t want to provoke me. I don’t want you to provoke me.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want to hurt you. You saw the other night...”
“You won’t hurt me.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do.” Haley lifted her chin. “You have the strongest moral compass of anyone I’ve ever known. I’m not afraid of you, Damon.”
“Maybe you should be.” He made to step past her.
“Because you’re determined to protect me from yourself?”
He stiffened but continued to the door without looking back. “It was great, Haley, but don’t make more of it than it was.”
“I thought it was romantic.”
“Check your definitions again.”
“I don’t have to. Making sure your partner is pleased is romantic. Period.”
He gave her one of those simmering looks and stepped past her.
“Even if it’s just sex.”
Damon paused then continued toward the front door.
Haley continued in a light tone. “The other nurses said you’re not going to arrange a funeral for your mom.”
“It’s really not your business,” he said without looking back.
Haley shook her head. “Wrong. I think friends tell friends when they’re making mistakes.”
“We’re not...”
“I think we are, or at least I come closest to being a friend of yours. The line is a bit short.” Damon started to protest, but Haley kept talking. “So, I’m going to tell you why you’re wrong. First of all, by not having a funeral, you’re not honoring your mom’s life.”
“I don’t need to pay for a priest to say some words over a box.”
“I think you do, actually, but you can manage it however you want. You’re making a selfish choice because you don’t want to do it, and that’s shirking your responsibility to her.”
Damon looked at Haley, then, really looked at her.
“She was a lovely lady and her days on this earth should be celebrated. You can’t be the only person whose life she touched. Funerals are for the living more than the dead. What about all those people who would like to pay their respects and honor their memories of your mom? What about their need for closure or just for the chance to say farewell?”
Haley stepped back, even though she wanted desperately to touch Damon. In this moment, she was the one who needed distance. She hadn’t planned to confess this next bit, but she knew it was necessary.
Even though it wouldn’t be easy.
She had to convince him.
Funny how needing to help Damon always drew out her own confessions.
“My mom didn’t want to have a service when my dad died,” she said. “She was so devastated to be without him, and so angry that he’d died doing his job. She had a friend who insisted that she just agree and all the arrangements would be made. Her friend said that my mom and we kids didn’t even have to come.”
A glint of curiosity appeared in Damon’s eyes. “Did you go?”
“Of course. Reluctantly and with great trepidation.” She met his gaze. “Going to that service was the hardest thing I’d ever done at that point in my life. It still makes the top three.” Her tears rose and she blinked them back.
He waited, silent, and she guessed that he was wondering about Garrett.
“It was a celebration of life and it was beautiful. I cried so much but even then, I knew the tears were healing. That service helped us begin to face his sudden loss. The people who attended helped us to accept the loss and move past our grief. Their love and their compassion changed everything for us. Ever since then, my mom has said that her friend gave her the best advice she’d ever had, especially since she didn’t want to take it.”
“You’re going to tell me that’s what friends are for.”
“I’m going to tell you that if you cheat your mother’s memory of her due, just because it’s hard, then you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.” Haley took a shaking breath. “I’m telling you that if you evade this opportunity to share your pain, you might not be able to move past it. Those people will each give you a tiny bit of energy, and that will make all the difference in the world to you.” She paused. “Don’t you think your mom would want you to facilitate that?”
He stared down at the steps and Haley saw his throat work. “I don’t know who to call.”
“Did your mom go to church?”
“Sometimes. She changed to the Orthodox church in Flushing after my dad died.”
“Maybe she had friends there.”
He shrugged. “Probably.”
“That’s a good place to start. Call the priest there. He’ll help you through it. It’s part of his job and it’s certainly something he knows a lot more about than either of us. Did she teach or mentor any dancers?”
“Not recently, but until a few years ago, she helped out at a dance academy.”
“Ask them to help, then. They can put out the word. Don’t be afraid to delegate. People will know that you’re hurting: if you start the process, they’ll help.”
Damon didn’t say anything, just kept looking down. She reminded herself that it was unreasonable to expect more than that from him.
She’d accomplished what she’d come to do.
He wasn’t going to thank her or invite her in or continue their relationship in any way. He might not even tell her when the service was going to be.
They weren’t friends, to his thinking.
This really was the end.
It was time to leave.
Haley pivoted and walked down to the sidewalk. She told herself to be glad that she might have made a difference, but that didn’t feel like nearly enough.
She was startled when Damon spoke. “You still have that cat?”
“Of course.” She turned to look back at him, still standing on the top step, keys in his hand. She couldn’t read his expression, but that didn’t surprise her.