Silence.
If you’re going to get away with clocking one of those bitches, I’d do it now.
Willow was in my ear again. I could imagine her snide looks at Erin. I suppressed a laugh, knowing I couldn’t do either, but she so would have.
Ryan’s hand found mine. Softly, as if he were crooning to a cornered wild animal, he said, “Come on. Let’s go upstairs.”
Another surge of rage was coming, so I let him pull me upstairs. Nick and Tom moved aside. Ryan said something to them, but it was so low I couldn’t make it out. He led me upstairs to his room, and once inside, I waved him away. “Go. I know you want to talk to them. I’ll be fine.”
He hesitated at his door. “You sure?”
I nodded, not looking at him. “Yeah. I have to chill out. I know.”
“Kirk isn’t usually that wrong on things. He’ll correct himself.”
I wasn’t holding my breath.
I was embarrassed.
Those girls wanted a reaction, and they got one. I’d lost it in front of them. They got the win. They’d used Ryan’s best friend to get it out of me.
Point one for the rich bitches.
I sat at Ryan’s desk, grinning slightly at Willow’s words. She would’ve been impressed with them too.
You were cool as tight back there. Proud of you, little sis.
Cool as tight? I had no idea what that meant, but it was something my twin would’ve said, in a moment when she was “cool as tight” too.
There you go, thinking you’re funny. And look at you, getting it on with Ryan like you’re rabbits. Watch the sexual activity, twin sister. You don’t want to pop out little babies for Mom and Dad to ignore too.
I was full-on smiling. Fuck you, you dead bitch.
She would’ve laughed, and I swear, I almost heard it.
God.
Her presence was so strong.
Head’s up. Your Willow-replacement’s little sis is approaching. In three, two . . .
“Mackenzie?” Peach knocked on the door.
I froze for a second and then looked around. Was Willow actually there?
No.
I was going insane. That seemed more logical.
Ryan’s sister poked her head in. Seeing me, she pushed farther inside, shutting the door behind her with a gentle click. Her back kept to the door, and she looked down at her linked hands in front of her. “Um . . .”
She was there for something. I waited for whatever it was.
“I’m sorry.”
She stopped after that, and I frowned. “For what?”
“For?” Her chest lifted. She took a deep breath and looked up. Shame hung heavy, like bags under her eyes. “I didn’t really think about what you went through.” She held her hands up. “Are going through, and I’m sorry.”
Okay. She apologized. I had no clue why. “I don’t understand you. What’d I ever do to you?”
Her face closed in on itself as if she were in pain. “You’re going to think I’m an idiot.”
I already did, so I kept quiet.
She sighed. “I was jealous of you, and worried because of you.”
“Huh?”
“It’s so completely stupid. I—Ryan doesn’t like anyone.”
I snorted. “Besides Tom, Nick, Cora, and Kirk?”
“Yeah, but they’ve only recently come back in the picture, and he doesn’t talk to anyone in the family. I’m his sister, and after Derek died, Ryan only hung out with Kirk. Then Kirk left, and . . .” She didn’t finish.
“What are you talking about?”
“Derek died during Ryan’s sophomore year. Except for ball, he stopped doing everything for an entire year, and then Kirk left, and it was—he was like you until a few months before you moved here. When that happened with your sister, and you came here, I hated you. I saw how you attached yourself to him, but Ryan wasn’t pushing you away. He pushed everyone away until you showed up.” She faltered, glancing down for a moment. “I didn’t want to lose my brother again.”
“You thought I would do that?”
She jerked her head up. “I was scared he’d slip back into whatever had him before.”
It made more sense. Ryan’s response to me, why maybe I was pulled to him, even her attitude.
“I’m sorry for that.”
“No.” She shook her head, smoothing back some of her hair. “I’m sorry.”
I saw the tears that lined her eyes.
She wiped them away. “Anyway, I wanted to say that.”
She slipped out again before I could respond.
I sat there, feeling . . . nothing. Again. Or maybe still?
Another quick knock, and Kirk’s head came around the door this time.
I read the apology on his face before he started to speak, and I held up a hand. “Please. Don’t.”
“What?”
“You’re here to apologize?”
His head lowered. He grabbed the back of his neck, kneading it. “Uh. Yeah. I am.”
I shook my head. “I honestly don’t need it. I didn’t go off on you and then come sit up here, expecting you to come to me with your tail between your legs.”
“Well.” He looked down, the beginning of a playful grin tugging at his mouth. “It’s there.” He moved his hips from side to side. “I can let my hair grow longer, if you want, so there’d be a real tail.”
“No.” I laughed a little at that. “Ryan’s letting everyone have it down there?”
His hips stopped moving, and he nodded. “Yeah. I feel like a dumbass. Erin never told me any of that stuff. She just said that Ryan had changed since you came into the picture. I’m protective of him, and it isn’t just because of my cousin. If you hadn’t noticed, Ryan’s loved. By a lot of people.”
I was getting that.
I shook my head. “It’s fine. Don’t jump down my throat again, okay?” I laughed. “I think I’ve reached my quota of confrontations. There’ve been more the past few months than ever in all my life.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
I could imagine Willow standing next to me, her arms crossed over her chest as she rolled her eyes. Yeah, because that was my job. You’re stepping into my shoes, sis.
Kirk rubbed his hand over his face. “Look. I might be overstepping, but I get what you’re going through. I thought I was going crazy. After Derek died, I saw my cousin everywhere—or, I thought I did.”
I didn’t know what to say. “Did he go away?” I finally asked.
He didn’t reply at first. A second passed, and a hollow look entered his eyes. He was staring at me, but he wasn’t seeing me.
“Not really, no,” he replied softly.
Great. I should just go ahead and reserve my room in the mental hospital.
“But I don’t want him to.” He nodded to me. “You won’t either, if it’s the same for you.”
I sighed. “I’m sorry for going off on you.”
“I’m sorry for being the asshole you had to go off on. And for the record, I deserved it. You don’t have to apologize for anything.”
Willow grunted next to me. Damn straight.
Kirk motioned for the door, grabbing the doorknob again. “Ryan sent me up here to grovel and see if you wanted the spaghetti he promised. He’s heating some downstairs. Guess pizza got shot down.”