Walker slides his arms around my waist. He pulls my body into his. Brushes his lips against my neck.
My thoughts dissolve.
"Happy Birthday." The cute blond in a pastel cardigan hands Ryan a small present wrapped in blue paper with a turquoise bow. "I hope you like it."
"Thanks, Kay." He takes the present. Looks at her like he's not sure if he should hug her or shake hands or nod. He offers his hand.
They shake.
Relief spreads over his face as he pulls his arm to his side. This guy is not into affection.
Dean nods to a massive present sitting on the counter behind us.
Ryan nods thanks.
Dean shakes his head you aren't getting away that easy. He pulls his brother into a hug.
Distaste spreads over Ryan's face. He steps back with a sigh. "We have drinks?"
"Please." Dean motions to said counter. There's a row of top shelf stuff next to the present.
Ryan moves toward sweet, sweet intoxication, but Brendon cuts him off.
He's merciful. He doesn't hug Ryan. He simply shakes his head and hands over a present.
The girl with the purple-grey hair takes her turn. She does hug Ryan, but he actually seems okay with it.
Then a girl with dark hair that fades into crimson ends bounces forward. She throws her arms around Ryan. "Happy birthday." She pulls back with a smile.
"That's Emma." Walker motions to Brendon. "His sister." Then he motions to the cute blond. "Kaylee's best friend."
I try to shove the names into the important things section of my brain. I know he's told me some of this before. But Walker has this way of making me forget everything.
Like being at a party with a fresh bottle of Belvedere.
My tongue slides over my lips.
My nerves pick up. The same as my coffee fix, but duller. Need. Drink. Now. Need. Thoughts. Gone.
Walker brings his lips to my ear. "You want a drink?"
Yes. A double. Triple. Hell, bring the bottle. A few shots and I'll be dancing on the counter. I'll be happy. Free. Void of any concerns except fun.
"No, thank you." The words feel like a lie. But they aren't. A part of me still wants that drink, but most of me is thinking about waking up in Ross's bed with memories of the last night a blur. Combining drinking with opiates… bad idea. Good way to OD. I knew better.
I know better.
My first few weeks out of rehab were tough, but since I found my footing, I haven't really been tempted. I'll have a passing urge here and there. But I never want a buzz or a high enough to actually consider using. The bad memories outweigh the bliss.
He releases his grip on my waist. "You don't drink?"
"I don't like the person I am when I drink."
He nods. "I'll skip it."
"You don't have to."
"I don't mind." He slides his hand over my ass. "You're more intoxicating."
"That's cheesy."
"What if I drag you to the back room and fuck you against the wall."
Yes. Great idea. My breath catches in my throat. "You should."
"You think I won't?" His eyes fill with determination. "Say the word, sweetness."
I shake my head. He will do it. And part of me wants him to. But the rest of me is too shy to even consider it.
"Too bad. Would have been fun." He takes my hand and leads me around the room, re-introducing me to everyone.
Ryan forces a smile.
Brendon is nothing like he was on the hike. There isn't a single sign of annoyance on his face. He has his arms around Kaylee and he's happy as a clam.
She is too.
They're like a poster for a teen drama. The cute innocent blond and the tattooed bad boy. How will it play out? Tune in tomorrow at ten.
They're clearly the endgame couple.
Leighton—the girl with the purple-grey hair—smiles like she can't believe how relieved she is to see me. "It's always such a sausage fest here. Nice to have another face."
Dean steps in. He shakes his head, sending his wavy hair in every direction. His blue eyes fix on hers. "Please. You love being surrounded by dick."
"Not like this." She winks at him. "Stop reading my journal."
"It's too hot. I can't," he teases back.
"Uh-huh." She shakes her head isn't he ridiculous?
I nod. He's a lot of things. Ridiculous is pretty high up the list.
I turn back to Walker. "Go. Talk to your friend. I'm fine."
He arches a brow. "You sure?"
"Yeah. It's his birthday. Tease him about getting old. And—what did you get him?" I ask.
Walker's smile spreads over his cheeks. "Dean and I went in on that together."
"What is it?" I ask.
Dean laughs.
Walker too.
They share a look—the kind of look I used to share with Lily. That best friends we're the only people who get each other thing.
"Oh please." Leighton shakes her head. "You were talking about it forever." She moves closer to me. Leans in to whisper. "They got him a blow-up doll."
I look to my definitely not a boyfriend. "Why?"
"Hey, if he's not gonna move on to a woman, why not try this substitute?" Dean offers.
"It's cheaper than you'd think," Walker says.
"And my boy tested the equipment." Dean winks at me. "Hope you aren't jealous."
"You… you didn't, right?" I'm pretty sure he's teasing. Because giving someone a used blow up doll… and Walker wouldn't. Right?
"Yeah. Of course." Walker laughs.
Ryan joins us. He takes a long swig from his red solo cup, gives the group a long once-over, shakes his head. "Can't believe I fell for this we need to have a meeting Saturday night because it's always dead shit."
"It wasn't our finest work," Walker admits.
"Speak for yourself," Dean says.
"Yeah. Dean's proud when he can tie his shoes," Leighton says.
Dean shows off his checkered Vans. "Too difficult. I made the switch back in middle school."
Ryan takes another swig from his drink. "This is good shit."
"Only the best for my big brother." Dean blows him a kiss. It's sarcastic. And it's not. There's affection in his blue eyes.
"Yeah. Right." Ryan shakes his head. He turns to Leighton. "How'd they rope you into this?"
"I wanted to celebrate your birthday." She folds her arms. Hurt creeps into her voice. "Is that really implausible?"
"You're too smart to think I'd enjoy a surprise party," he says.
Her eyes fix on Ryan. "You do. You just don't show it."
He shakes his head no way.
"Is that the only gesture you know?" Dean teases.
Ryan flips him off.
Everyone laughs.
"I just got out of a relationship too. Well, a few months ago. Walker mentioned that you, and, uh…" This is awkward. He's just staring back at me, all intense and glum. "It sucks, huh?"
"Yeah." He nods.
"You never want to love again," I say.
Again, he nods.