The anger in her voice wakes me from my trance.
We're not doing this to send blood to my cock.
We're not doing it to fill that gaping hole in my gut.
She's doing this to protect me.
I need to protect her too.
Dean is an idiot, but he's right about one thing: I need to be careful with Leighton.
The sun fades behind the clouds as I pull my hand from her skin.
Her sigh is heavy. Needy. She shakes it off. Turns to Penny. "I'm sorry. That was—"
"No. You're right." Penny smooths her sundress. "I shouldn't have done that to you, Ryan. I am sorry. I understand if you don't believe me. But I hope you do. I really want us to be friends." She looks to Leighton. "Would you mind?"
Leighton clears her throat. "Would I mind what?" Anger drips into her voice. Her eyes narrow. Her heels dig into the concrete.
"If I spoke to Ryan alone?" Penny's smile is soft. Disarming.
The girl I fell in love with.
But it doesn't mean shit to Leighton.
She looks to me. "It's up to you. I'd rather we go up to your room." Her fingers trail the waistband of my board shorts.
Fuck.
I want her hands on my skin.
I want these clothes gone.
I want her naked in my bed.
Thoughts of baseball do jack shit to cool me down.
"Give us a minute, baby." I brush Leighton's wet hair behind her ear.
Leighton frowns. "Are you sure?" Concern fills her blue-green eyes. She folds her arms, glares at Penny. I'll kill you if you hurt him.
Or maybe I'll kill you if you touch him.
"Yeah." I need her gone or I'm gonna touch her. I'm gonna forget this is pretend. I pull back. "Go. Eat. You look starved, baby."
"I am." Leighton makes a show of giving me a long once-over. Her gaze lingers on my crotch. "But food isn't going to satisfy." She shoots Penny a forced smile. "I'm sure I'll see you soon."
"You're both coming to the joint bachelor, bachelorette party, aren't you?" Penny's voice is soft. Sincere. She really does want us there.
To rub her marriage in my face.
To make amends.
To prove something to herself about how over me she is.
All of the above, maybe.
Leighton looks to me. Raises a brow. "It depends."
I return her gesture.
"Will there be cock lollipops?" She smiles.
Penny laughs. "Mom is planning it."
"So yeah." I can't help but laugh. Mrs. Winters is fun. Sarcastic. Punk rock. Everything Penny was when we fell in love.
Now…
I'm not sure who the hell my ex is now.
Leighton nods your call, spins on her heel, saunters to the grill.
I watch her ass sway as she walks away.
Fight my urge to go after her.
To bend her over the patio table, roll her bikini bottoms to her knees, and drive into her again and again.
"She hates me, doesn't she?" Penny presses her French manicured nail into her middle finger.
"You blame her?" I ask.
She shakes her head. "I would hate me too."
"Do you?"
"Hate myself? Is that what you want?"
Part of me does.
The rest just wants to be done with her.
"When I first saw the two of you together…" Her honey eyes fix on mine. "There's something about the way she looks at you."
"What's your point?"
"Does she treat you well?"
"Excuse me?"
"What?" She runs her fingers through her dark hair. "I know I hurt you, Ryan. I know what I did was shitty. But it wasn't because I stopped loving you."
"Then what the fuck was I'm sorry, but I don't love you anymore."
Her eyes go to the floor. "I'll always love you—"
"Spare me the bullshit about how you love me but you aren't in love with me."
"I am. I mean, I was." She bites her lip. "Hate me if you want. Kick me out of your house. It won't change how I feel." Her fingers curl around my wrist. "I want the best for you. I always have."
"Like walking in on you with the kind of guy we used to mock?"
"I made a mistake."
"You made a mistake?"
"I should have left as soon as I realized it. But it wasn't just me."
My jaw cricks. We had rough patches, same as everyone, but I always tried to smooth them.
"After I took that job with my dad…" Her eyes meet mine. "You lost respect for me." Her gaze goes to the patio tables. Frank is sitting at the one on the left. Mutual friends fill the one on the right.
Leighton is M.I.A.
Probably pissing or something.
Or fucking Dean in his bed.
My fingers curl into fists.
I need to step back. Cool off. Destroy the part of me that cares.
A deep breath does nothing to offer clarity. Penny is still standing there, staring at me like I'm a horse with a broken leg.
Like she's so, so sorry she's gonna have to put me down.
Fuck that.
Fuck Dean's vagueness.
Fuck Leighton's secrets.
I stare at my ex. "You looked me in the eyes and asked me to strangle you if you ever decided to work for your dad."
"When I was sixteen."
"So?"
"People change."
"I didn't."
"You ever consider that's why this happened?"
"You decided to fuck some finance bro. Don't put that on me."
"He's more than that."
"Tall?"
"Ryan." She folds her arms. "I'm barely five three. You think I really notice that?"
"Blond?"
Her lips purse. "No. It's not because he's more attractive than you. He's not."
There's no victory in her admission.
Only another twist of the knife in my gut.
"He's not better in bed. He's not blessed with a bigger cock. Or more stamina."
"Then what—"
"He talks to me."
"I talked to you."
"When we were kids, yeah. But one day, you stopped. I still remember it. I still remember coming home to you with this glum look on your face, asking you what was wrong, and getting nothing."
I shake my head.
I offered her everything I had.
Everything.
And it wasn't enough.
I always suspected that, but now I know for sure.
"He listened. He cared. He didn't stare at me like I was the enemy for taking the job my dad offered," she says. "He didn't expect anything of me."
"I only wanted the best for you."
"Your best."
"No. Our best. What we both agreed on—"
Regret streaks her honey eyes. "I'm not here to fight."
"Then why'd you pick one?"
"I just want to know you're okay."
No. I'm not okay. But fuck her for asking.
For caring.
For looking at the cracks.
Her lip corners turn down.
Her eyes fill with frustration.
Her perfect posture slumps.
She's miserable.