He tastes good.
Like mint and like Ryan.
It's different than our other kisses. Deeper. Realer. Better.
So much better.
My fingers dig into his skin.
His hips rock against mine.
His hard-on presses against my pelvis.
He pulls back with a heavy sigh.
I blink my eyes open.
But he's not staring back at me with joy or need or animal lust.
Those beautiful baby blues are filled with one thing:
Regret.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Ryan
Every molecule in my body is begging for Leighton.
I want to tear off that dress.
I want to plant my face between her legs.
I want to pin her to the wall and fuck her senseless.
But none of that is in the cards.
She isn't mine.
I'm not about to fall for a woman in love with someone else. Not again.
Her blue-green eyes fill with hurt as she stares up at me.
But there's nothing I can say to fix that.
Nothing I can say to change things.
Even so, words find their way to my lips. "I'm sorry."
She blinks and a tear catches on her lashes. Her gaze goes to the floor. She steps sideways. "I'll let you get dressed."
"Leigh." Stay. Talk to me. Tell me it's me. That there isn't another guy. That there's only me.
She responds by pulling the door open.
Her footsteps move through the hall.
I strip, hang the suit, change into my street clothes, pay.
But she isn't in the main room.
She isn't in the department store.
She isn't in the parking garage.
She's gone.
Ryan: Talk to me.
I spar until the dojo closes. I shower. I fix dinner.
My cell stays silent.
All night.
All morning.
She's there, behind the counter, when I get to Inked Hearts. Her eyes meet mine for a second then they go to the shop computer.
Dean shoots me a what the fuck did you do look.
I wave him off. Wash my hands. Wait impatiently for my eleven o'clock. Turn all my attention to his classic pinup tattoo.
But she's there when he checks out.
She smiles her usual oh, please do go on about whatever you'd like to discuss, you're just so interesting smile. Twirls her purple hair around her pointer finger. Presses her tits together as she hands over his receipt.
I walk him out.
Go back to the counter. "Leigh."
Her eyes stay on the computer.
"We're supposed to be adults about this."
"You're sorry. I'm sorry. What else is there to say?"
"Are you?"
"What?" Her voice is curt.
"Sorry?"
Her lip corners turn down. Her eyes scream no. But still, she nods. "I let the line blur. I won't do it again." She turns her entire body away from mine.
She might as well scream leave me alone.
I know her well enough to know there's no sense in arguing.
She's hurt.
She's insisting it was a mistake.
She's in love with someone else.
Fuck, something doesn't add up.
I try to find an explanation in my suite, but there's nothing. I'm still cursed with an inability to understand women.
Or maybe I'm just unable to understand women I care about.
We're quiet all day.
She leaves without saying goodbye.
It's the same all week. All business, no pleasure. No teasing her, or watching her eyes light up as she smiles, or laughing at the way she roasts me at every fucking opportunity.
I still bring her lunch.
And she still eats it.
And taking care of her still satisfies me in a way nothing else does.
But everything else stays fucked.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Leighton
After I get off work Friday, I run until my legs are aching. I get home. Shower. Grab street tacos from my favorite truck. Eat them at my desk.
This is design round three. There are little things that need changing, but it's nearly done. It's a few tweaks from perfection.
And the client is happy.
It feels good, creating something out of nothing, meeting a challenge.
My hands move by instinct. I reach for my cell. Tap a text to Ryan.
Leighton: I finished my first design. What do you think?
But we aren't talking.
I… I'm not talking to him.
I'm running from my feelings again.
I delete the text. Consider calling Iris. But that also means facing my feels. Putting them into words. Figuring this out.
I will do that.
Eventually.
I turn off my cell and drag myself to the couch—it's too far from the window and its amazing breeze. But there's nothing I want to watch.
Streaming bad TV is no fun alone.
Romantic comedies are salt in the wound.
I settle on a juicy thriller, but it's not the same without Ryan here.
I used to spend all my free time watching movies and TV. But now it feels like I need him here to enjoy pulpy twists and turns.
Maybe I just need him.
I fall asleep on the couch. Wake up to two more requests for covers.
After a run and a shower and a cereal breakfast, I pour myself into work. And I don't stop until I absolutely have to get ready for Penny's party.
I have to face my feelings.
I have to fix this with Ryan.
I have to tell him.
But, fuck, I have no idea how to do that.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Ryan
Moonlight bounces off purple hair as she steps onto the concrete.
She looks fucking perfect with her fancy updo and her soft makeup. It's not a Leighton I see often, a formal version of the punk rock princess.
She's as beautiful as always.
And as irresistible. Her black dress hugs her curves like it was made for them.
Her silver nails dig into her black bag. "Someone had to do it."
I arch a brow.
"Wear all black."
My shoulders relax. I need her smile. I need her teasing me. I need this awkwardness gone. "You look gorgeous."
"Thanks." She moves down the walkway. "You look great too."
"Thanks."
"Really. It's weird though, seeing you in a suit."
It's bizarre, being in a suit.
But it can't compare to the distance between us.
To the memory of her lips on mine.
Of that groan bouncing around the dressing room.
We still haven't talked about the kiss.
That's a million times weirder than dressing like someone else.
I tap the key fob to unlock the door for her. She moves around the car, slides into the passenger's seat before I get the chance to open the door for her.
I get into the driver's seat, click my seatbelt, turn the car on.
Melancholy music fills the car. I've been listening to this shit all week.
I've been a mess all week.
I can't stand it.
She clicks her seatbelt. Sets her purse in her lap. "It's in Beverly Hills?"
"Yeah." I pull onto the street. "Shouldn't be much traffic at this time."