"You're taking it back?"
"No. I meant every word. But it's not fair for me to blame you for what I did. It was innocent with Frank at first. We were friends. But I realized I was falling for him and I kept meeting him for lunch. I kept crying on his shoulder. I kept soaking up every one of his secrets." She sets her glass on the bar. "I knew what I was doing when I went to his place the first time. Deep down, I knew I needed to end things with you first. I really am sorry about that. I'm sorry I made you feel like it was your fault."
I bring my glass to my lips.
"It wasn't. We weren't meant to be, but that was my fault, not yours."
I shake my head. "You were right. I stopped respecting you. I started putting up walls."
Her shoulders relax. "Thanks for saying that."
"It's not for you, Pen. It's for me."
"It seems like it worked out."
"Yeah."
"She's fiery."
I laugh. "She is."
Penny laughs. "I guess that's always been your type." She brings her glass to her lips and takes a sip. "Are you happy with her?"
My jaw cricks. It feels good, accepting her apology, offering mine. But I can't have Penny in my head or my heart anymore. "Don't ask me shit like that."
"I care about you."
The words twist something in my brain. They're too familiar and too different. I want every ounce of them and none of them. "Then stop."
"Ryan." Her nails dig into the stem of her flute.
"You lost the right to say my name that way a long time ago."
She sinks into her heels. "I'm sorry."
"Then prove it by respecting me—"
"I do."
Bourbon warms my throat. Sends my thoughts swimming.
"Mom is watching us." Penny nods to her mom, sitting on the couch with her dad. Mrs. Winters looks the same as always—pretty, well-dressed, some mix of classy and grown up wild child. "She's glad you're here."
"Me too."
"Really?"
"Yeah." I swallow another sip of bourbon. "You look happy."
"I am."
"Good."
She looks up at me. "Really?"
"I always wanted that for you."
"Even after I—"
"Not at that moment." But now, I do. I want to let go of that last bit of hate in my gut. I want to be free of her. "You love him as much as it looks like you do?"
Her honey eyes light up. "I really do."
My throat tightens, but a deep breath opens my airways. "Good."
"But the wedding stuff is driving me crazy."
"That's normal, isn't it?"
"I guess so." She takes a long sip. "I didn't realize Dad was going to be this hands on. I get he wants to use this as some bullshit write off, but it's still a wedding, not a business meeting. I try to tell Frank that, but he just reminds me Dad's footing the bill."
"He is."
"I know. And I know I'm lucky. But I wish he ‘got it.'"
I arch a brow.
"Working at his company is a headache. Dad nixed my idea about a feminist column. He thinks it will alienate half our demo even though we're a women's interest site. When I told Frank, he took Dad's side—"
"That's just stupidity."
She laughs.
"Every guy knows better."
"Maybe. I'm glad he's honest with me, but—"
"Nobody's perfect."
"Yeah." She takes a long sip. "It felt good, being pissed about the injustice of it. But it would have felt better doing something other than dealing with makeup advertisers." She looks up at me. "Sorry. I know you hate hearing about my job."
I do. But that's not what's weird about this.
It's how much I see the Penny I fell in love with.
She's still there, under the layer of business casual. At least, a part of her is.
And a part of me wants her.
But it's smaller than it used to be.
Quieter.
"I can't believe I let Mom talk me into this party." She finishes her glass and sets it on the bar. "It's as bad as my eighteenth birthday."
"Can't be that bad."
She laughs. "No. I guess not. But it's pretty bad. This is my first interesting conversation all night."
"You don't show it."
"I know how to play Daddy's girl, I guess."
I nod. She fought with her dad a lot when we were younger, but she always knew how to get him on her side.
"It's all bizarre and formal." She smooths her ivory dress. "Not how a bachelorette party is supposed to feel."
"You need to tuck some ones into a stripper's g-string?"
She laughs. "Pretty much."
"Dean's somewhere."
"Dean hates me."
"Use reverse psychology. Tell him you hate strippers. He'll call one to ruin your night."
"I'll consider that." Her fingers brush my wrist as she brings her hands to her side. "But what if he starts stripping?"
"Not sure there's any way to prevent that." I scan the room for my brother, but he's not in my eye line. "You had to know that was a risk with inviting him."
"True." Her eyes linger on me. There's an affection in her gaze, but it's not an invitation. It's something else. "It really is good to see you happy."
"Thanks." I finish my last sip of bourbon. "I better find my girl."
Her smile is soft. "Don't let her mess it up."
If only I had any fucking control over that.
My shoulders relax as Penny turns and walks away. It's easier talking to her, but it still steals the warmth in the room.
I replace it with bourbon.
Leighton isn't in the living room—her purple hair makes her easy to find. I check the hallway. The bathroom. The kitchen.
There.
She's sitting at the dining table, dipping carrots into hummus, nodding along to whatever Penny's best friend Kristen is saying.
Kristen's dark eyes light up when she sees me. She leans in to whisper something to Leighton. From her posture, it's clear it's some gossip about me.
"There you are, baby." I move to the dining table with confident steps. "I've been looking everywhere."
Kristen's face goes ghost white. She stutters something. Shoots Leighton an apologetic stare. "Ryan, hey. It's been forever." She pushes herself to her feet. Moves in for a hug.
I offer her my hand.
She shakes with a nervous laugh. "I forgot you aren't big on touching."
"He's not like that with me." Leighton pats the chair next to her. "I was worried I was going to have to save you from a boring conversation."
"But weren't you just talking to Penny?" Kristen clears her throat. "I mean. Um. Are you two good? You and Penny? Don't tell her I said this, but it was awful the way she ended things."
The world is upside down today.
Penny is admitting wrong doing.
Kristen is apologizing.