My lips curl into a smile. "You really think that?"
"Of course." He downs the last drop from his cup. Pops an ice cube in his mouth and sucks hard. It muffles his words. "You're my silver lining, Leigh."
I stare into his piercing blue eyes.
I want to believe him.
I really, really want to believe him.
My water fails to wash away my worries. The vodka is right there, all shiny and clear and inhibition erasing.
I can't think about this.
Not anymore.
But I'm not going to drink it away.
I don't need that.
I need to stop drowning my feelings.
I reach for the first distraction I can find. "I've been thinking about a date."
His eyes fix on mine.
"For my last day. Officially."
"Already?"
"Yeah." I take another long sip. Swallow hard. The water is freezing against my lips, tongue, throat. It cools me down. Brings me back to reality. "The end of September. I know that's almost two months away, but—"
"That's so fucking soon."
"Yeah."
"I'm gonna miss you."
"You are?"
"Of course." He rests his palm on my cheek. Runs his thumb over my temple. "Seeing you is the best part of my day."
"More than doing tattoos?"
"Yeah."
Warmth spreads through my chest. "But that's your favorite thing in the world."
He shakes his head. "Making you come is my favorite thing in the world."
"That's cheesy."
"I don't care. It's true." He holds up the mini bottle of vodka and unscrews the cap. Booze spills over melting ice. "To you soaring." He raises his glass.
Does this count as drowning my feelings? I don't know. It's a celebration. And it's only half a shot. "If this is a toast, both of us should have a drink."
"Fair." He motions to my cup. Give it to me.
I take my last sip of water and hand it over.
He pours half the drink into my cup and hands it back.
His eyes fix on mine as he raises his glass. "To you."
I bite my lip. "I can't toast to me."
"Too bad." He taps his glass against mine then brings the cup to his lips.
I take a long sip. It's good vodka. Crisp. Clear. Smooth. I swallow it in three gulps.
Ryan follows suit. "You've gotta be careful getting me drunk."
"Oh?"
"I might do something stupid."
Like admit you're still in love with her? "Like what?"
"Try to fuck you in that bathroom."
My nose scrunches in distaste.
"Baby, that hurts."
"Not in a bathroom."
"Right here." He motions to the blanket again.
"When we get in."
"You sure you can wait that long?"
Hell no. I offer him a coy smile anyway.
He laughs. "That's bullshit."
"Maybe." I drop my cup on his tray. Slink into my seat and rest my head on his shoulder.
He runs his fingers through my hair. "I tell you how proud of you I am?"
"Once or twice."
"I'm being obnoxious, huh?"
"No. It's sweet." My eyelids press together. Being with him, doing nothing, feels so right. Why can't it always be this easy? "But I'm terrified."
"That's normal."
"I hate that I won't see you every day."
"You can."
"Every single day?"
"Of course."
"You move fast for a guy who isn't over his ex."
"Leigh."
"You know what I mean."
Frustration drips into his voice. "No. I don't. You're my favorite person in the world." He leans down. Presses his lips to my forehead. "When I think about losing you… it makes me sick. It steals my oxygen. I need you, Leigh."
I love you. Tell me you love me. Please. I need to know. I need to feel it.
The words climb into my throat.
But I swallow them down.
I can't say that yet.
Not until this is over.
Not until I'm sure he's really mine.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Leighton
A winding pool wraps around a lush garden.
Behind it, the sun casts a sparkly glow over the azure ocean.
The guy at the counter smiles as he takes Ryan's credit card and presents us with orchid leis. Actual orchid leis made out of actual flowers.
Ryan's smile widens as he picks up a lei and hangs it around my neck.
I do the same to him.
He slides his arm around my waist. Laughs at the attendant's joke.
His fingers curl around the set of keys.
Mine curl around my giant pink suitcase's handle.
Ryan presses his palm against my lower back to lead me through the hotel lobby, past the cafe that smells of coffee, the gift shop overflowing with sarongs, the wide courtyard glowing in the sun.
The elevators are to the right.
Shiny silver doors pull apart. Three kids in swimsuits run onto the concrete. A middle-aged dad chases after them. He's wearing a wedding ring. He's happy.
I step inside the elevator. Lean against the mirrored wall.
Ryan follows.
The doors slide together.
The rest of the world disappears as his lips meet mine. He sucks on my bottom lip. Soft. Then harder. Then he's scraping his teeth against my flesh.
He shifts his hips to pin me to the wall.
My fingers curl into his t-shirt. I tug at the cotton. Pull him closer. Kiss him deeper.
Yes. I need this. I need his love and affection pouring into me. He can't say it. But I can feel it.
When he kisses me like this, I can feel it.
He keeps me pinned to the wall as his tongue slips into my mouth.
I groan against his lips. Bring my other hand to his hair to hold his head against mine.
He kisses me until the elevator dings.
The doors pull open.
Ryan releases me.
My knees knock together. I nearly crumble onto the floor. I need him so badly. I need this—the two of us, in our own world—so badly.
I need to believe in that.
In him being mine.
He takes my hand as he leads me into the hallway, around the corner, to the third door on the right.
He slides the keycard into the lock.
The door flashes green. Ryan turns the handle and motions after you.
I step inside.
The room is gorgeous. And huge.
An orange and teal pineapple print comforter adorns the massive king bed. A matching blanket hangs over the teal sofa. Sheer white curtains fall over the sliding doors to the balcony.
I kick off my sandals. Sink into the scratchy carpet.
It's half a dozen steps to the balcony. I pull the curtain aside, unlock the door, push it open.
Warm, sticky air greets me. Bright blue sky bleeds into the cerulean Pacific. The hotel pool is to the right. The freeway and the town beyond it are to the left.
It's like something out of a postcard.
Hello from paradise.
Ryan's footsteps move closer. He slides his arms around my waist. Brings his lips to my neck. "You look fucking adorable all contemplative."