"What about?"
"Why you're frowning."
"I don't drink that much. You should mind your own business."
"You're my business."
"You wouldn't say that shit if you didn't know my mom's a drunk."
"I do know." I run my fingers along her jawline. "I fucking love that I know. I love when you let me in."
Her brow softens. The frustration in her eyes fades to affection. "Ryan, I…"
"Best shit we got." The bartender interrupts with my bourbon.
She presses her lips together. Swallows whatever she was about to say. Holds up her glass. "Now we can toast."
"What to?"
"The end of this."
I lift my glass. Clink it against hers. Drink.
It's good bourbon, but it doesn't go down easy. It burns my throat. Twists my stomach. Sends my thoughts to ugly places.
"You think Dean took Kristen home?" she asks.
"He told me he didn't fuck her."
"What?" She arches a brow. "No way."
"Said he couldn't get over how she stood by Penny."
"Damn." She takes a long sip. "He's admitting he has feelings again. This is an alarming trend."
"Probably good for him."
She nods yeah. "She's still looking at you." Leighton motions to Penny, in the middle of the room, talking to her dad and—
Fuck. That's my mom.
He catches us staring. Waves.
"Fuck." I down the rest of my bourbon.
Leighton turns to me with a curious expression. "Huh?"
"That's my mom."
"Oh." She stares at the conversation. "It is."
Mom waves. She turns and makes her way toward us.
Leighton laughs. "You're nervous."
"Yeah." I set my glass on the bar. "Another when you get a second."
The bartender nods sure thing. He stares at Leighton's tits as he refills me. "You need one too, sweetheart?"
She stares at her glass like it's the hardest question she's ever heard. "Yeah. Sure." She throws her head back to finish her drink then sets it on the bar.
He smiles as he refills her. He's practically screaming get rid of this loser and come home with me.
I slide my arms around her reflexively.
My lips go to her ear. "Talk to me, baby."
"Not here."
"Ryan. You look great." Mom taps me on the shoulder. "This must be your girlfriend."
I release Leighton. "Leighton, yeah. You two have met."
"Of course." Mom smiles as she opens her arms for a hug. "What a dress! I wish I could pull off something like that."
Leighton shoots me an is she for real look then goes to hug my mom. "Thank you, Mrs. Maddox."
"Please. It's Amelia." She smiles. "It's sweet of you to come."
"Is it?" She wraps her fingers around her drink. "I couldn't let Ryan come alone."
"No. I suppose you couldn't." Mom turns to me. "Tell me the truth, honey. Was she the one who got you into this suit?"
"Yeah." I slide my arm around her waist. "She's the one who opened up my entire world."
Leighton shakes her head. "That's more credit than I deserve."
"No. It's less." I pull her closer. "You're my silver lining."
Mom rests her hand on her heart. "How sweet. You two work together, yes?"
"For a little longer. I'm leaving to start my own graphic design studio," Leighton says.
"She's amazing. Better than I am," I say.
"Really? That's quite an accomplishment. Ryan is talented," Mom says.
Huh?
"He really is. But then he never doubts that. He knows he's a great designer. He knows he's hot. But he doubts everything else," Leighton says.
"We all have our insecurities." Mom's expression gets concerned.
"I know what you're thinking. She's drunk. It's true. I'm a little drunk. I have a bad habit of downing vodka when I'm nervous. Like about the way Penny keeps flirting with Ryan. And the way he keeps looking at her like he's trying to figure out if she's what's missing from his life." She takes a long sip of her vodka. "I get it. My mom's a drunk. It's what gave me all these intimacy issues that make it hard to believe Ryan's going to be mine. But I am working on it. The drinking."
Mom's brow scrunches with confusion.
"Let me take you back to the room, baby." I help her off the stool.
She shakes her head. "No. I just need some air. And I need to stop causing a scene. Excuse me." She cuts past me before I can answer.
I reach for her, but she's already gone.
Flashes of silver and purple move through the crowd. Out the door.
"Ryan, is that true?" Mom asks.
"Which part?"
"Are you still in love with Penelope?"
"No. But…" I can't explain it. Whatever I am, it's not enough for Leighton.
Fuck.
This is the same shit again.
"It must be hard, figuring out how to love someone after the way you and Penelope ended." Mom places her hand on my shoulder. "The same thing happened to me when I was young. Before your father."
"What are you talking about?"
"Dean explained it. Don't be mad at your brother. He loves you—"
"He told you she cheated?"
"Not in lurid detail."
"It's Dean."
"With more detail than we needed, yes. We were defending her. Asking why you'd do something so foolish. He was right to explain."
"It was mine to explain."
"No. He cares about you. That's what happens when you love someone. Their business becomes your business."
I bite my tongue.
"You know your brother looks up to you. He always has."
"Maybe."
"He's been following in your footsteps since he could walk."
Maybe.
"Forgive Dean. He's only trying to help." Mom's eyes fill with pity. "And her too. Leighton seems good for you."
"She seems like a drunk mess." I shake my head. "She is that sometimes. But she's more. She's everything."
"I can tell you love her."
Why can't I tell?
It's not fucking fair.
Why is it all these other people know how I feel?
Mom's lips curl into a frown. "You shouldn't be here Ryan. Your father convinced me I shouldn't talk you out of coming, but that was a mistake. You shouldn't be spending your time and energy on someone who did that to you."
"I'm not here for Penny." My gaze goes to the restaurant's front door. Leighton isn't coming back. Which means I need to leave. "It feels good wanting this for Pen. Being happy for her."
"Are you sure that's it?"
Almost.
But there's still a part of me that hates it.
"Listen, Mom, I have to—"
"Go."
I cut through the restaurant. Push out the door.