Her laugh gets louder. "That's absurd. But I see it."
"You love him?"
"Of course."
"What else do you need to know?"
She stares at her empty glass. "You're right. God, I'm sorry." She stands, moves to the counter, wraps her fingers around the bottle. "I told myself I was coming here to make things right between us. But I guess I was—"
"You wanted validation."
Her lips curl into a frown. "How is it so obvious to you?"
"I know you."
"I don't deserve you."
"You don't have me."
"You're here."
"This is my room."
She laughs. "True." She turns and stares into my eyes. "What happened with Leigh?"
"We're not there, Pen."
"You two—"
"No, me and you. We're not there and we're never gonna be there. I'm always gonna love you. But I can't be this person for you. I can't be your friend. I'm glad I'm here. I'm happy for you. Really, I am. I want you and Frank to have a big, beautiful life together. I want you to soar." My shoulders relax. "But I don't want anything to do with it."
The words hit me someplace deep.
I want her to light up when she whispers I do.
I want her and Frank to make a billion babies.
And I don't want a fucking thing to do with it.
Those French-manicured nails release my heart.
I'm done with Penny.
And not in some I'm better off without her break up song kind of way.
I don't want her to die in a fire.
I want her to burn bright with passion and love and joy.
I can see her big, beautiful life and it makes me feel good.
I don't want her anymore.
I don't miss her anymore.
I don't need a single part of her.
"I gotta go, Pen." I stand. Move closer. Plant a goodbye kiss on her cheek. "Congratulations, really."
Her smile gets sad. "Thank you."
I walk her to the door. "You deserve it."
"You really mean that?"
Yeah, I do.
She tore my fucking heart out.
But it's still beating. I'm still here. I'm still alive.
And I feel so much fucking better wanting the two of them happy.
"Are you and Leigh gonna be okay?" she asks.
"I don't know." I close the door behind us. "I hope so."
"Me too."
I walk Penny to the elevator.
I say goodbye to her.
To her hold on me.
To this whole fucking phase of my life.
This is it. The end of the Penny chapter.
I just hope it's the beginning of the Leighton one.
No.
Hope isn't enough.
Hope hasn't ever done shit for me.
Somehow, I'm going to make this right.
Chapter Forty-Seven
Leighton
The automatic check-in machine spits out my ticket with a loud whir.
The air conditioning hums.
A middle-aged couple hugs a twenty-something guy goodbye. They linger in their embraces, exchanging promises and I'll miss yous and love.
Dean taps his foot against the tile. "It's not too late."
I wave my ticket.
"So?"
"I asked you to drop me off."
"You really think that was gonna happen?"
No. But not for the reasons Dean is suggesting. Not because he's an asshole who lives to cause trouble.
He is. But he's staying to see me off.
To make sure I get to security without crumbling into a million pieces.
My cell buzzes against the pocket of my shorts. Again. This must be Ryan's fourth call. Or maybe it's the fifth.
I can't bring myself to look at my phone to find out.
"What is that?" Dean nods to my pocket.
"My crotch."
He makes a show of laughing. "Is that a call you're getting or you just packing your vibrator with you?"
"My vibrator is too big to fit in my pocket."
"Go on…"
"In your dreams."
Again, he motions to my pocket. "It's buzzing."
It is. "It's nothing."
"Nothing, really?"
"Yeah. An alarm," I lie.
He shakes his head you're so full of shit. His sandals squeak against the tile as he takes a step toward me. "Then let me see."
"I have to go."
"Am I holding you down?"
"You're into that?"
His grin gets mischievous. "Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. I'll fill you in if you let me see."
"I don't care."
"Bullshit."
"Even if I did." I really don't. "You'll fill me in either way." I should go. I should turn and run to security. But I can't leave. This is normal. It's easy. It's family.
As soon as I leave, that's gone.
Hell, this might be the last time I see Dean for a while.
Or ever.
My entire life revolves around Ryan.
There's nothing to go back to in Los Angeles. I want to crawl into my bed and cry. I want to fall apart in my apartment. I want to be home.
But without Ryan, I don't have a home.
I don't belong anywhere.
My damn cell buzzes again.
Dean stays teasing. He motions hand it over.
I do.
I need to be here.
I need him screening the message.
I need someone making this okay.
The call ends. Right away, the screen flashes with a text.
Ryan: Penny
That's all I see.
Her name.
Penny is naked in my bed.
Penny told me she's in love with me.
Penny is dead to me.
I don't have a clue what it is.
Dean unlocks my cell with the password.
I raise a brow.
He shrugs. "Like you don't know mine."
I know everyone at the shop's passwords. But I never use them. Even when it's tempting. "I plead the fifth."
He reads from a text. "Penny came by my room." His eyes go wide. "Wait. Shit."
"See." My heart sinks like a stone. She came by his room. God knows what they did after.
I don't get a say.
I ended this.
I broke up with him.
I have no right to hurt over him fucking Penny.
But he's better than this.
He deserves more than this.
He deserves everything.
That's why I feel this in my bones. Because everything should be right. We're good together. We're happy together. He wants to love me. He just can't.
"No." Dean's voice goes dead serious. "He talked her out of her cold feet then told her to get lost. But, fuck, maybe he should have led with that. It's like he's trying to lose you."
My shoulders soften. "They didn't have sex?"
"Fuck no. He kicked her to the curb."
"Does it actually say that?"
"Ryan isn't smooth. You have to let me translate."
My chest warms. "He really isn't." But the warmth hurts. I'm staring at a bright, shiny memory of what I used to have.