I keep my gaze on his chest for as long as I can stand it.
My eyes meet his.
He's... I don't know. I just don't.
He cups the back of my head with his hand. "Thank you."
What?
I...
Huh?
"It's an honor, you sharing that with me."
What? I blink a few times. Everything gets blurry.
I'm crying.
"You... you don't want to leave?" A tear rolls down my cheek and falls off my jaw. It lands on my shoulder.
"Never."
"But I... You... You hate complicated."
"No. I just never met someone worth complicated." He stares back into my eyes. "Are you taking care of yourself? Taking your meds? Seeing your therapist?"
"Yeah."
"And everything else?"
I nod. "Aren't... aren't you scared?"
"I'm always scared of bad shit happening to you. But this, no—I'm not scared that you have depression. Or that you've been suicidal."
"But one day... I might... what if I..."
"You think about it that much?"
"I did. It was scary. I didn't trust myself. I guess I still don't."
He stares back into my eyes. "Nobody can promise they'll be okay forever. I don't care that you need a little chemical help, Kay. You're still the sun in my sky. You're gonna struggle, yeah, but I want to be there for that. I want to be the person holding you up when shit is bad."
"I... you... you're not leaving?"
"No."
I stare back at him, blinking away tears until my vision is blurry.
He rests his palm on my cheek and wipes my eyes. "Are these happy or sad?"
"Both. And everything else. I... I just can't. I thought... I thought you'd leave."
He shakes his head. "There isn't a single part of me that wonders if you're good enough for me."
"Really?"
"Not even a molecule."
The weight lifts off my chest.
My hands stop shaking.
I...
He...
Maybe things will be okay.
He leans in to press his lips to mine.
It's an I love you.
We haven't said the words.
But I can feel it.
He knows.
And he's staying.
And he loves me anyway.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Brendon
Kaylee steps onto the stairs with the world's most content smile. She's already in some adorable sundress. One with a blue floral print and thin straps.
Her eyes brighten as they meet mine.
I have to force myself to direct my attention back to my sister.
This is giving too much away.
And I'm not doing enough to check in with Em. The school year isn't as big a deal for her—she started college officially back in June with summer courses, and she's only going part-time—but it's still a transition.
"You've been working more." I snap my piece of bacon in half and take a bite. It's salty, chewy, rich. Perfect.
"I like money." Emma stirs another splash of cream into her coffee. "I'm not going to suffer another 'you should be in school full-time lecture,' so if that's where you're going you can save your breath." She turns to watch Kay step into the main room. "Where are you going dressed like that?"
Kay's laugh is nervous. She twirls a long, blond strand around her finger. "With my hair a mess and no makeup?"
"That's a mess?" Emma shakes her head, sending crimson hair in every direction. "Life is unfair."
"True." Kay's eyes meet mine. Her smile gets wider. She's stupid happy.
Last night meant a lot to her.
I'm still turning it over. I'm going to be turning it over for a long fucking time.
It terrifies me, the thought of Kay doing anything to hurt herself. It hits me like a punch to the gut.
But, mostly, I'm humbled by her sharing that with me.
Fuck, I want to find every place she hurts and destroy it.
I don't think she's broken. But if she is, I want to be the glue that holds her together. I want that as much as I want the shop to succeed. As much as I want Em to thrive. As much as I want anything.
"There's more eggs and bacon in the pan." I nod to the kitchen. "And coffee."
"I'll make a tea." She nearly floats into the kitchen.
Is that all from spilling her secret?
Fuck, I can't imagine the weight of that.
Taking all that on her own—she's so fucking strong, so fucking brave.
Emma turns back to me. "Really? No lecture?"
"You want to stay part-time." I bring my mug to my lips. Damn. This coffee is good. Nutty. Rich. With that hint of toffee. It's the best fucking coffee I've ever had. Or maybe that's the smile on Kay's face. The honor and responsibility of her placing all her trust in me.
"Nothing about how I should work a little harder and get done in four years instead of languish for eight?" Emma takes a long sip. "Really?"
"You've worked retail for two years. You know what it's like. You know you'll be doing that forever if you don't go to college." The coffee warms me everywhere. No, that's Kay. "If you want to own a boutique one day, you'll need those business classes. Trust me."
"I do. It's just..." She scoops her eggs onto her fork. "Weird that you're being reasonable."
"I'm always reasonable." I eat the other half of my bacon slice.
Emma laughs so hard she slaps the table. "No." She turns to Kaylee, now pouring hot water into her mug. "Back me up here."
Kay laughs. "Always isn't the right word."
"Yeah. It's weird. It's like... like you're happy." Emma stares at me like she's picking me apart.
"I am." I really fucking am.
Emma tilts her head to one side. "Why? You're never happy."
"I own a quarter of the shop. We're putting a new sign up next Friday. With a logo I designed. We're getting rid of all the old shit that doesn't suit us. I finally talked Ryan into interviewing another artist or two." My eyes meet Kay's as she takes her seat. And that. Her. "Why wouldn't I be happy?"
"Because you're Brendon." Emma brings another scoop of eggs to her lips. Chews. Swallows. "It's good. I'm happy for you. Just weird."
"He's always weird." Kaylee smiles at me. "That isn't new."
"True." Emma turns to Kay. "And you're happy too. Satisfied. Like you... like that hairstyle is really working for you."
"It is." Kaylee dunks her tea bag. "It's great."
"When did you... try it out yesterday? Weren't you working all night?" Emma asks.
Kay giggles. "After."
"After. Hmm." Emma shoots me a stop eavesdropping look.
I should let them talk. I finish my last bite. Even these eggs taste better than usual. The room is brighter, the air is sweeter, the coffee's bolder.
Everything is better.
I bring my plate to the sink. Finish my last cup of coffee. Watch Emma and Kaylee giggle over their incredibly obvious metaphor.