The first time I met Li’s parents was at Ben’s for dinner soon after their arrival. They didn’t speak a single word of English, and Li had to translate for them. They were nice and polite but I could tell they were overwhelmed. There were many questions thrown at them all night. I wondered what they would think of me, their son’s new girlfriend.
I came to know Li’s parents over a few home-cooked dinners at his place – delicious dumplings and other traditional Chinese dishes. Li’s mother was small, had a bright personality and laughed a lot, and she was an excellent cook. His father was handsome and more reserved – a man of few words. I asked Li what I should call them and he explained it would be impolite to call them by their given names because they were elders. So we agreed it would be best to call them what Li called them: Niang and Dia. I was relieved and overjoyed when Li told me one day, ‘Mary, my parents like you.’
Niang and Dia were staying for two months. When Li had to go to Pittsburgh for a couple of weeks to guest-perform, he asked me to look after them. I would call in after work to see if they needed anything. One night when Li and I were chatting on the phone after I’d had dinner with his parents, he suddenly said, ‘Mary, I miss you. I want ask you something . . .’ I could hear him fumbling with words, which I thought was odd.
We had talked before about the fact that I didn’t want to move in with him. I had made a promise to myself that if I was to live with a man again, it would be in marriage or not at all. Li continued mumbling by saying something like I was the most beautiful person in the world and the most special person in his heart and I was a better person than him . . . By this stage I was getting impatient with him and just wanted him to get on and spill out what he really wanted to say. Then he muttered something about whether I would still love him when he was old and grey.
Where is this heading? I wondered. His English was even more halting than usual.
‘What are you trying to say, Li?’ I asked him. ‘Are you trying to tell me you want to spend the rest of your life with me?’
‘Yes! Mary, you think we can be happy together for rest of our lives?’
‘Li, you are the dearest person in my life. I will love you always, and I know we can be happy together for the rest of our lives,’ I replied.
‘Will you marry me?’ he finally asked.
I was so surprised. Oh my God! Where has this come from? I thought. But then, deep down I should have known Li would have the courage to actually ask me. That was the happiest moment of my life. We both started laughing deliriously. Such joy!
When Li returned from Pittsburgh, he told his parents. And the next time I saw them, they both gave me a tight hug and chatted in Chinese to me – particularly Niang, who was a great talker. In his reserved manner, Dia nodded to me approvingly. He was a decent and good man, and so kind to Niang. Their relationship was an inspiration. I felt they were slightly hesitant about our engagement, but I also sensed they liked me, even if I wasn’t able to understand them. Li assured me that they approved, so we were all very happy.
It was a tricky thing to tell Ben about our forthcoming marriage. He’d just got used to the fact that we were dating. Li wanted to make the announcement quickly so Ben wouldn’t hear it from any other source. He decided it was better to break the news in a social environment, so he organised a dinner party with close friends. Once everyone had had a few drinks and had eaten, Li stood up.
‘My wonderful friends, thank you for coming,’ he began. ‘I have an announcement to make. You all know that Mary and I are together, but what you don’t know is how much we love each other. We have made an important decision and we want you, our dearest friends, to know first. Mary and I are getting married!’
There was complete silence. Everyone was stunned. I had only been at the ballet for eighteen months and officially with Li for about eight months. On top of that, dancers in the same ballet company didn’t get married that often. I think Li’s friends were also worried because they had seen him through his failed marriage a few years earlier.
I was proud of the way Li handled himself under pressure. When things are difficult he just faces it and gets it done with integrity. His friend Richard stood quickly and proposed a toast, and Ben congratulated us along with everyone else. Li and I were just relieved it was over.
Coralie and Neil George were soon coming to see me perform La Sylphide, and I decided that would be the best opportunity to tell them about our engagement. I was very excited to be doing this ballet, especially as this was the first time I would be dancing the main sylph. But first I had to share our news with my parents. I wasn’t nervous, but I knew it would be an important conversation.
I met them off the plane and they were terrified to be riding in a car with me at the wheel, giving them the odd fright when I slammed on the brakes, but that’s just how I was. Best to get on with it, I thought to myself, so I said casually, ‘By the way, I’m getting married.’
‘Who to?’ they asked.
‘To Li,’ I replied, and that was all I said.
‘Li is Mary’s Chinese partner in the company. He’s a charming young man,’ Mum told Neil George.
‘Congratulations, beautiful!’ he said. ‘The Chinese are a marvellous race. I can’t wait to meet him.’ I caught his big smile in the rear-view mirror.
‘Have you decided on a date yet?’ Coralie asked.
‘No, not yet,’ I said.
They didn’t ask much more right then – let’s face it, I’m sure they were in shock.
They were very tired after their flight, so we had a cup of tea together. ‘Our friend Ava Jean is throwing a party tonight for their son Andy’s engagement,’ I told them, ‘and you’re invited, if you feel up to it. I have to go back to rehearsal, so Li and I will go to their place straight from work. Our friend Peggy will pick you up and we’ll meet you there,’ I added, knowing they’d be relieved I wasn’t driving.
‘That’s fine,’ said Mum. ‘But we might just have a rest this afternoon.’ I still only had my mattress on the floor, so they would sleep on it and I would have the sofa.
As Li and I drove to the party, Ava Jean called us on Li’s car phone. ‘Hello, Mary. Herb and I think it’d be extra special to have a double celebration of your and Andy’s engagement tonight. How do you feel about that?’ she asked.
‘Oh, Ava Jean. You’re so generous! But how will Andy and Kathy feel?’ I asked.
‘We’d all be delighted. We’ve spoken with Andy and Kathy and they’re thrilled for you to celebrate together,’ she replied.
What could you say to such generosity and enthusiasm? I looked at Li and he nodded. I said, ‘Yes, Ava Jean. We would be so honoured. Thank you!’
I turned to Li. ‘Well, I’ve told Mum and Dad about our engagement, but you’d better ask Dad for my hand in marriage before you get inside the party, because they’ll all be congratulating us.’
‘What should I say?’ asked Li nervously.
‘Just tell him that you love me and ask him if he will give you his blessing to marry me.’
We parked outside and waited for Coralie and Neil George beneath a tree in the front yard. As soon as they got out of the car, Li asked, ‘Mr McKendry, can I talk to you?’