“Really? I love dogs.”
“Yeah. It’s brown. You have to be nice when you pet him.”
Zep was having a great time. “What’s your dog’s name?”
“Todd.”
Lily burst in. “Todd licks my face.”
Frost smiled. “Probably because your face is always dirty.”
The air left Zep’s lungs. Frost looked and sounded like a stranger. This was the real him. Zep had never wanted anyone more in his life. Unfortunately, there was a gaping pit in Zep’s stomach, waiting to swallow him whole. Frost had twin daughters at home. Was there a husband hiding there too? Zep’s face must have looked exactly how he felt because Frost shifted to his feet.
“Let me take these rugrats back to the childcare center and we’ll talk.”
Zep didn’t really want to give up holding Millie. “Would you like some help?”
Frost shook his head. “It’s fine. They love the girls who work here. It’s never a battle to get them to stay while I work.” He shifted Lily on to one hip and held out his arm for Millie. Millie didn’t hesitate to climb from Zep’s lap to cling to her dad. “Tell Zep bye.” Both girls waved wildly over Frost’s shoulders as he carried them from the room.
Zep stared at nothing as he waited for Frost to return. He had no concept of time. There were too many thoughts in his head. Frost hadn’t lied to him, per se. Unless there was a husband he didn’t know about, then Frost had only omitted a significant portion of his life. Damn. Zep was already making excuses for him. Frost had him fucked up. He didn’t know where to go from here.
The walk back to his office from the childcare center felt like going to his judgment day. Zep’s face. Goddamn. He had looked completely torn—like he wanted to demand an explanation, but he didn’t want to fight in front of Frost’s kids. Frost didn’t know if Zep would still be waiting for him. He didn’t know what he would say if he was. Frost had tried hard not to tell any actual lies, but he didn’t bring men around his kids. He wouldn’t be that parent, introducing every guy he met to his babies. No one would be breaking his babies’ hearts by disappearing from their lives. Frost would give them a steady life, even if it killed him.
Still, as he headed back inside his office and spotted Zep waiting, Frost felt the guilt creep back in. Somehow, he was always the bad guy. It never mattered how hard he tried. The moment his gaze collided with Zep’s, Frost saw the hurt and fear in Zep’s eyes. The truth spilled out.
“A year before I retired from hockey, I started secretly dating the goaltending coach.” Frost shut his office door and reclaimed his earlier seat. “I decided to retire early so there wouldn’t be any drama after we quietly moved in together. We settled into life together. I started this gym and we started planning a family. After lots of back and forth on the matter, we decided to use donor eggs and my sperm. My sister agreed to carry the baby. Everything was perfect. Until it wasn’t.” Frost didn’t meet Zep’s eyes as he spoke. He couldn’t see any of Zep’s reactions. His own feelings were already too much. “As soon as the pregnancy took, everything slowly changed. It seemed like Scott was never home. Then we found out we were having twins, and Scott pulled even further away. When the due date crept closer, Scott came clean. He had been seeing another of his players and they enjoyed an open relationship I wasn’t willing to indulge. The freedom of sleeping with whoever he wanted plus whoever they had together made him a million times happier than being tied to only me and our soon to be kids. Since, technically, the kids weren’t his and we weren’t married, he was free to skip away guilt free. One month later, I found myself bringing home two tiny preemie babies with little to no help.” Frost finally met Zep’s stare. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about them, but I...” There was too much. Frost didn’t even know how to finish that thought.
“You’re protecting your daughters,” Zep said, somewhat finishing Frost’s thoughts.
“And myself.” Frost couldn’t let Zep think he was being completely unselfish. “This wasn’t the life I planned, but it’s the one I got. I’m not good at... Fuck. I like you, but...” Frost ran his hands through his hair in frustration. He dropped his arms and met Zep’s stare. “I don’t lounge around on the floor, holding men’s hands.”
A sweet smile touched Zep’s lips. “You did today.”
Frost nodded. “That’s my point. I like you, but I don’t know how to make you believe that after Damon and after this, and I don’t have the energy to...” Frustration kept stealing his words.
Zep took Frost’s hand in his, while visibly trying to avoid hurting Frost’s knuckles. “I like you too. A lot. That’s not the problem. I’ve always been a super good judge of character, and my sixth sense was screaming at me that you were hiding something. I just couldn’t figure out what.” Damn. Frost really wanted more of Zep. Unfortunately, Zep wasn’t finished. “You have two precious little girls. I get that you don’t want me around them. I’m rough around the edges. The beard and the tattoos. I get that I’m not for everyone. Even with clients sometimes, they take one look at me and pass on using my services. Having a happy past clientele is what’s saved me over the years, so I can keep being me. But you don’t know me that well, so I get it.”
For a moment, Frost blinked in confusion. “What in the hell are you talking about? I just introduced you to my daughters. You get that I didn’t have to do that, right? I didn’t have to let you stay. Goddamn. You’re a great fucking catch. Why can’t you just accept that I’m trying to be with you?”
For a moment, Zep stared at Frost in silence before an adorable blush touched his cheeks. “Oh.”
Zep’s reaction surprised a chuckle from Frost. “You’re adorable. I’ve never met anyone else who’s such a crazy mixture of confidence and complete blindness to their worth. Jesus.”
Zep shrugged. “I’m complicated.” His expression immediately shifted to defeat. “I’m really not. The truth is that I like you a lot more than I have anyone in a long time. You’re messing with my head. I know my worth, but you’re so amazing that I don’t know if I’m quite that worthy. Does that make sense? Probably not. I mean, after all, you’re you and—”
Frost kissed him. He couldn’t resist Zep’s special brand of insanity. “My bear looks soft too,” Frost whispered between kisses. He felt Zep smile against his lips, driving him to be more ridiculous. He stroked Zep’s beard. “Oooh, he is soft.”
“You’re ridiculous.”
Frost stole another kiss. “Keep seeing me.”
Zep snagged the back of Frost’s head, holding him in place so he could deepen their kiss. By the time Zep pulled away, Frost was breathless. Zep held on to Frost’s face. “Only a fool would walk away from this.”
That wasn’t the least bit true. He had been walked away from before, but Frost would take it. As long as Zep kept giving him a chance, Frost would keep taking them. He needed to give this a shot. For the first time in a long time, Frost wanted to start something new. He was completely terrified.