“Now I’m intrigued.” Robin slowed Apple Jax so they were riding side by side along the trail. He tossed Levi a curious look. “Hit me.”
“Dad’s retiring at the end of the season.”
Robin’s entire body jerked with shock. “He’s what? Why?”
“A promise he made to Mom before she died.” His chest squeezed with old grief. “They were supposed to spend their retirement traveling the world. Now he plans on traveling alone in her honor.”
“But...what about Lucky’s?”
“That’s the thing.” He reined Figuro to a stop and it took Robin a few steps to pull Apple Jax back. “He asked me to take over the rodeo when he retires.”
Robin’s lips parted, his eyes going comically wide for an instant. “I mean... I knew he always intended for you and Xander to take over Lucky’s one day, but this soon? What did you say?”
“I told him I couldn’t make a decision, and I can’t. I walked away from Lucky’s for a reason, just like you did. I never intended to go back. I love working at Bentley, and I love being here. I’ve got George. But sometimes...”
Robin backed Apple Jax up until they were next to each other, his expression intense. “Sometimes what?”
“Sometimes I miss traveling.” A bit of weight left Levi’s chest with the admission. “Sometimes I miss the road. To be honest, if I hadn’t met George, I probably would have driven down to Santa Fe during this break to see Dad. I don’t know if I’m the kind of guy who will ever have permanent roots, like you and Shawn are gonna have with your house. It’s why I hitch mine to the back of my truck.”
“So you’re considering it?”
“I don’t know. I’m not dismissin’ it outright. Dad said he’s considering selling to Willard, but that’s his number two choice.”
Robin scowled. “Sounds like emotional—”
“Please don’t say emotional blackmail, because you know that isn’t Dad. He was laying out his options, and selling is an option. He’ll be done and can move on, do something new with his life. He’s happy knowing you and I are safe and enjoying our lives, he really is. I didn’t get any sense of pressure from him to take over. I hate the idea of someone else who isn’t a Peletier running the rodeo, but... I don’t know if I can do it. Or if I even want to.”
His best friend and brother studied him for a long time. “But you also aren’t sure if you don’t want to.”
“Pretty much.” Levi let out a long, slow breath that did nothing to focus him. “A part of me wants to say yes, to go back to that life. But the rest of me chafes at the idea of going back to such a stressful lifestyle. Always on the move, always trying to make the next gig. Praying for good weather and a good crowd so we can break even.”
“Sounds like the part that chafes isn’t stronger than the part that wants to say yes.”
“I wish it was.” And Levi meant it. He wanted to settle down and have roots, but what if that wasn’t him? Or his future? Maybe his future was traveling across the country. But what about George? This was why he needed to talk to his brother. “I honestly don’t know what I want.”
“Have you talked to George about this?”
“No. Dad just brought it up yesterday, and this thing I have with George is still so fresh. I don’t want to pressure him, and Dad said I have a few months to decide. I wanted to talk to you, because you’re the most likely to get it.”
Robin quirked an eyebrow. “George might surprise you.”
“Maybe, but he’s still young and figuring himself out.”
“You know, if Shawn found out I was withholding something this big because I didn’t think he was mature enough to handle it, he’d probably deck me.”
The mental image of the much slimmer Shawn decking Robin made Levi snort. “I don’t think George is immature. Far from it. It’s just...” Levi struggled to find the words to describe his feelings. “I don’t want him to make a decision based on what he thinks I might want.”
“Do you trust George to know his own mind?”
“Of course.”
“Then talk to him about this. I had a similar problem last year with Shawn. When I flew out to New Mexico to drive back with Lucky’s for opening day? I made the decision and travel plans before I told Shawn about it, and he had real, genuine fear that I was going to decide I wanted to go back to the rodeo. It didn’t exactly drive a wedge between us, but we did have a few tense days where he thought I was leaving him.”
“But you weren’t and you didn’t.”
“I know that, and he knows that now.” Robin reached out to rub Apple Jax’s neck. “Sometimes fear is not rational, especially when it comes to relationships. If you can’t say no straight out to Dad, then you need to talk to George about it.”
“I will. Soon. I want us to get through the rest of the holidays first. And maybe see how things go once I’m back to work full time. Neither of us has ever done a long-distance relationship, and when Bentley opens again, I’ll be a lot busier than I’ve been since I met George.”
“Yeah, you will. And even busier if you go on tour with Lucky’s.”
“Unlikely.”
“But not impossible?”
Levi shrugged, annoyed at himself for being unable to turn Dad down flat. He loved the life he had right now; he also loved the life he used to live with the rodeo. And he couldn’t make himself turn Dad down flat, once and done. He hadn’t been this turned around and confused since before rehab.
“I want to sit with this for a while,” Levi finally said. “Just allow the information to exist in my head and do its own thing. One of the things I learned about myself in therapy is that I can’t force a decision. Reacting impulsively is why I left Lucky’s and ended up in jail, Robin.”
“Shit, man, I’m not trying to push you. Just...be thoughtful.”
“That’s what I’m trying to do. I’ll talk to George about it when it feels right. Now is just too soon for us and for how new and fragile everything is.”
“You’re right, and I have one more question, and then I promise I’ll drop it.”
“Ask.”
“How will George react when he finds out you got the rodeo offer on Christmas, but he doesn’t hear about it until weeks after the fact?”
Levi tilted his face to the sky. “I don’t know, brother. I truly do not know.”