Chapter Fifteen
“I like her.”
Sawyer pulled his attention from the dance floor to see Lauren standing at the table. She looked as perfect as always. Even after hours of dancing, cake cutting, and toasts, there wasn’t a hair out of place or a smudge of makeup beneath her blue eyes. He had hoped to avoid talking to her, but he realized that was an impossibility. She was his brother’s wife now. He would have to talk to her eventually. He waited for the pain of loss to hit him, but all he felt was a slight pang of nostalgia for what they’d once had.
“Hello, Lauren.” He glanced back at the dance floor where Maisy was two-stepping with Mattie. Because Mattie couldn’t hear the music, Maisy was leading. Sawyer was sure that suited her just fine. A warm, contented feeling settled in his stomach. One he hadn’t felt for a long time. He smiled. “Everyone likes Maisy. She’s completely won over my parents.”
Lauren pulled a chair out and sat down. “Is she the one who got you to come here?”
He thought about it for a moment before he nodded. If Maisy hadn’t gotten after him for not answering his brother’s texts, he wouldn’t be there. As much as he had dreaded it, he was glad he’d come.
“Mattie has never looked happier,” he said.
“He makes me happy too.” She lowered her gaze to her lap. “I didn’t mean to fall in love with him, Sawyer. Neither one of us planned it. It just happened.” She looked up. “But it made me realize that what you and I had wasn’t love. We were just two people playing at love. We didn’t even know each other. You swept in between rodeos and said all the things a woman wants to hear and then you swept right back out again. Mattie doesn’t tell me what I want to hear. He tells what I need to hear. Even if I don’t particularly like it.”
She was right. Mattie had always been a straight shooter who never minced words, even if those words were spoken with his hands. Sawyer, on the other hand, kept all his feelings tucked deep inside. He had done that with Lauren too. He’d expected her to love him without showing her who he really was. Not the golden boy. Not the bad boy. Just the scared boy who had lost himself. And if he didn’t know who he was, how could he have expected Lauren to know? Or any woman, for that matter?
“I’m sorry,” he said. “You’re right. I wasn’t honest with you. I led you to believe that some day I’d be ready for marriage when I don’t know if I’ll ever be.”
She leaned closer and took his hand. “You will be one day when you find the right person. I wasn’t that person. And I think deep down you knew that.” Her eyes turned sad. “I’m just sorry the right person for me was your brother. He loves you so much, Sawyer. It killed him to think he’d lost you. And I know no matter how much he loves me, if he can’t have his brother’s love too, our marriage will never work.”
Sawyer knew it too. And maybe that’s what he’d been hoping for by ignoring Mattie’s texts. He’d been hoping it would stop his brother from marrying Lauren. But after seeing how happy Mattie was tonight, he realized his brother would never be happy without Lauren either.
“You know he snores, right?” he said.
Lauren looked surprised for a moment before she laughed. “Extremely loudly.”
“He also double-dips.”
She nodded. “And he gets away with it because most people excuse his bad manners because of his disability.”
“He got out of all kinds of trouble when we were kids by just pointing to his ears and looking all innocent.”
Lauren glanced over his shoulder at the dance floor and smiled. “You always said he was the good twin, but I’ve discovered that he has more than a little bad boy in him.” She looked back at Sawyer and tears welled in her eyes. “Thank you, Sawyer. Thank you for watching out for him all these years and making him believe he could do anything he wanted to. Thank you for helping him grow into the man I love.”
He started to deny it, but then he nodded. “You’re welcome.”
She got up and gave him a tight hug before leaving. When she was gone, his mother and father came back to the table as if they’d been waiting in the wings for Lauren to finish talking with him. During dinner, Maisy had kept up the conversation. Now that he was alone with his parents, he wasn’t sure what to say. The tears in his mother’s eyes made it even more difficult.
“Oh, Sawyer,” she said. “I’m so glad you came.”
He got to his feet and pulled her in for a quick hug. “Don’t cry, Mom. You’ll mess your makeup.”
She fanned at her eyes. “You’re right. I’m just so glad you’re here.” She brushed at the shoulders of his jacket. “And in appropriate clothing. I thought for sure you’d arrive in jeans.”
“Nothing wrong with jeans.” His father surprised him by pulling him in for a hug. His father had never been much of a hugger, but now he held on tight like he didn’t ever want to let go. “We’ve missed you. And we know you didn’t just stay away because of Mattie and Lauren.” He drew back and there were tears in his eyes. “We’re sorry, son. We made a lot of mistakes with you and Mattie. We wish we could go back and have a do-over. Unfortunately, that’s not how life works. Thankfully, our poor parenting skills didn’t screw you and Mattie up too badly. You’ve both become men to be proud of.”
Sawyer could’ve argued. He was definitely screwed up. And he certainly hadn’t done anything to be proud of. But looking into his father’s sad eyes, he couldn’t bring himself to point that out. His dad was right. The past was the past. You couldn’t go back and change it—no matter how much you wanted to. All you could do was put it behind you and move on.
“Thanks, Dad.” He gave him another hug before he pulled his mother over and hugged her too. “I love you both.”
It was the truth. Regardless of their mistakes, he loved his parents. It was time to forgive and forget. In the last few weeks, he’d discovered how stressful parenthood—or just the thought of parenthood—could be. If Maisy turned out to be pregnant, he figured he’d make his fair share of mistakes too.
When they finished hugging it out, they sat down at the table and caught up on what had been happening in their lives. He could tell his parents weren’t thrilled he was still riding broncs, but they didn’t say so. And that was something.
Mattie and Maisy returned to the table and Maisy pulled his parents into a conversation about what Sawyer had been like as a little kid. As they talked, Mattie signed to Sawyer.
You found a tough one. I stepped on her toes repeatedly and she never once complained. Although she is a little bossy.
A little? Sawyer signed back.
Mattie grinned before his smile faded and he signed. I saw you talking to Lauren. Everything okay?
Sawyer nodded as he signed. Yeah. Everything is okay. I tried to tell her she made a bad choice and I’m the best brother, but she refused to listen.
Matt didn’t laugh. You are the best brother.
Sawyer signed back. No, you are. He pulled Mattie in for a hug. It had been a while so he held on a little tighter and longer. When he drew back there were tears in both their eyes.