“Damn.” He covered his face with his hand. “I am one screwed-up dude. Especially since I’m sitting here talking to a horse.” He got up from the turned-over feed bucket and picked it up. On his way out of the stall, he gave Angel a good pat on the withers. The horse didn’t flinch, which made him happy. Or as happy as a screwed-up guy could be. “Thanks for listening, buddy, but I wish you’d talk to me the way you talk to Maisy.”
He let himself out of the stall, and then stopped short when he saw Chester sitting on a bale of hay. Not nearly far enough away from the stalls that he hadn’t heard every single word Sawyer said.
“Is there a reason you didn’t tell me you were in the barn?” Sawyer asked.
Chester shrugged. “I didn’t want to interrupt your morning therapy session.”
Sawyer rolled his eyes and hooked the bucket on a nail. “Gee, thanks.”
“You’re welcome. So did that horse help you get things figured out?”
“No.” He sat down on a hay bale across from Chester. “And I’m sure you’re chomping at the bit to take a shot.”
Chester shook his head. “You’ll have to talk to Lucas about love. The one time I fell in love, I struck out. After that, I pretty much guarded my heart from the kind of love that makes your heart thump fast and you feel like your day got a whole lot better.”
“So you think it’s love?”
“Sounds a little like it. What makes it different from the first time?”
It took him a moment to find the words. “Maisy and I are good friends. Which is why I’m not sure if what I’m feeling is actually love or just a whole lot of like.”
“What is love if not a whole lot of like? I get so ticked at these shows on TV where people fall in love with people they don’t have anything in common with and they act like they live happily ever after. But how are you gonna live happily ever after with someone who doesn’t enjoy the same things you do? If love is some passionate emotion that sweeps you up in a whirlwind and sticks you with someone you don’t like, I’d rather not be in love. I’d rather be in a whole lot of like.”
Chester had a good point. When Sawyer and Lauren had first started dating, it had felt like being swept up in a whirlwind. But when the winds died down, it left two people who had no common interests. Lauren liked the big city life and Sawyer liked country life. Lauren liked fancy parties and Sawyer liked honky tonks. Lauren didn’t even care for dogs and Sawyer loved all animals. And whenever he talked about the rodeo, her eyes glazed over and she made some excuse for why she had to leave the room. He had felt the same way when she talked about some party she had attended or some new outfit she’d bought.
Why hadn’t he realized how different they were sooner? Probably because he had been traveling all the time. If he had stayed in Dallas, they would’ve broken up long before she and Mattie fell in love.
He and Maisy, on the other hand, had everything in common. They loved rodeos, small towns, animals, bacon, riding, and teasing each other mercilessly. And they also had passion. It wasn’t a whirlwind that swept you up and then dropped you back down. It was more like the slow burn of banked coals. His passion for Maisy was constant. All it took was a touch or a kiss for the flames to catch and burn as bright as a bonfire. The night of Mattie’s wedding had been amazing. At least, he had thought so. Maisy had woken up and left as if it had just been another night of sex with a rodeo bum. Of course, maybe she had just been feeling like he had: A little dazed and confused.
He still felt dazed and confused. “It could be I’m just getting my emotions all tangled up because she might be carrying my baby.”
“It could be,” Chester said.
“You’re absolutely no help. You know that, right?”
Chester spit a stream of tobacco into the old Folgers coffee can he used as a spittoon and nodded. “If you’re looking for help from an old bachelor cowboy and a horse, you are screwed up. Seems to me that the only way you’re going to figure out your emotions is by spending time with Maisy. Not avoiding her.”
“But what if I hurt her?”
“She’s a big girl. I think she can handle it.”
Sawyer paused. “What if she hurts me?”
“Then you’ll learn from it and move on. You won’t be a lonely old bachelor like me who didn’t take a chance on love.”
Sawyer got up. “Then I think I’ll go see Maisy.”
Chester grinned. “I think that’s a good idea.”
Sawyer thought about saddling up Doris and Cookie and riding over to Maisy’s trailer. But now that he had decided to see her, he didn’t want to take the time. He’d missed her. He’d missed her a lot. He discovered how much when he pulled up to the spot on his land where her trailer had been parked and it was gone.
Talk about heart thumping. Now his heart felt like it had stopped. He called Dixie. When she didn’t answer, he called Lincoln.
“Maisy moved her trailer to the Lucky Lane Trailer Park,” Lincoln said. “She said she was tired of dry camping and wanted hook-ups.” Sawyer felt like he could breath again as Lincoln continued. “And I’m glad she moved. We’re bringing in more tracking dogs tomorrow to search for the rest of Sam’s bones. I think it’s best she’s not around for that.” He paused. “I ran into Boone Murphy the other day and he mentioned that he’s making a wooden cross for Maisy. He thinks it’s for some pet she lost, but I’m pretty sure it’s for her daddy.”
Sawyer was pretty sure too. His heart ached at the thought of Maisy ordering the cross for her father.
“She’s taken Sam’s death hard,” he said. “I didn’t get at first, but now I do. She didn’t know him like we did. All she had was a fantasy about her daddy being this handsome cowboy her mama fell in love with. That, and she didn’t have any real proof until recently that he was gone. I think getting a grave marker for him is a good thing. Even if you don’t find the rest of Sam’s bones, I think we should plan a funeral for him. I think Maisy needs that to finally let go.”
“I agree.” Lincoln paused. “It sounds like things have changed between you and Maisy. Are you sure you don’t love her?”
“I don’t know if it’s love, Linc, but it sure feels like it.”
“And does she feel the same about you?”
“I hope so. I damn well hope so.”
There was a pause before Lincoln spoke. “I hope she does too, Sawyer. I didn’t see it before—I guess because I was so worried about Maisy getting hurt. But after seeing you together these last few weeks, I realize how perfect you two are for each other. Not just because you’re both bronc riders, but also because you complement one another. You need a strong woman who gives it to you straight. And Maisy needs a good man who won’t stifle her feisty nature, but at the same time will give her a shoulder to lean on when she needs it. You’re a good man, Sawyer. I’d be damn happy if the man I see as a brother and the woman I see as a sister ended up together.”
Relief filled Sawyer. Lincoln’s approval meant a lot to him. “Thanks, man. I’ll let you know how it goes.”