“You’re…,” she paused, squinting in concentration, “thirty-four?”
He chuckled at her expression. “Yes,” he answered with a smirk.
She nodded for a moment, taking in that news. “Oh,” she muttered, her blush returning. “You… don’t look thirty-four.”
Jacob laughed again. “Yeah, so I’ve been told.”
He appraised her for a moment, taking note of her embarrassment.
“It’s okay,” he encouraged with a smile.
She giggled a bit at the uncomfortable situation. “So,” she began again, changing the subject, “how did she die?”
His smile faded as the memory returned, and he wasn’t sure if he was close enough with Callie to share such an intimate detail.
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” she added, sensing his hesitance.
Jacob thought about that for a moment. Discussing his past was a slippery slope, as one question could easily lead to another. While talking about his sister may not be a bad thing, he couldn’t help but think of the many other questions he wasn’t willing to answer.
With an apologetic look, he admitted, “I’d rather not.”
“That’s okay,” she assured him with an understanding smile.
After a few minutes of silence in the car, Callie paused her incessant chewing on her lip to interject with another inquiry.
“Jacob, can I ask you something?” she began. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but I’m just… curious.”
“Sure,” he hesitantly agreed.
Peering at him from the side of her vision, she asked, “Are you and Jenna... together? I mean, I realize you might not want to tell me if you were, but I’m not judging or anything. Just wondering.”
Damn. Jenna was spot on.
“Oh, um,” Jacob stuttered, momentarily distracted wondering what she meant by I’m not judging. “No, we’re not together. Just friends.”
Callie nodded and turned her eyes back to the road.
“To be honest, I kind of just got out of a pretty… complicated situation,” he vaguely explained. “So, I’m not really looking for anything like that right now.”
“Oh,” she replied more enthusiastically, her interest peaked by his elaboration.
He wasn’t sure why he felt the need to use his past as an excuse for his lack of romance with Jenna, but for some reason it didn’t seem plausible enough to simply say that he wasn’t interested in her. He hoped Callie wouldn’t ask any questions about his “complicated situation,” as that was another slippery slope he wasn’t sure he wanted to go down. But if she did have any thoughts, she kept them to herself, and they arrived on campus a few minutes later, bidding farewell with a warm hug at the car before parting ways to their respective buildings.
Jacob bypassed his room on the first floor, heading to the stairs instead to report his conversation with Callie back to Jenna. He would have been eager to tell her how it all went down, but after his conversation with Callie in the car, he couldn’t keep Maggie off of his mind. No matter how much time had passed since her death, the memory always brought sadness in its wake, and a wave of loneliness usually followed, since he didn’t have anyone to discuss his feelings with. Though his therapist had given him her cell phone number for emergencies, this certainly wasn’t one, and he still had nearly a week until his next session.
Reaching the second floor of their building, he knocked on Jenna’s door several times without response. Slowly, he twisted the knob and stepped inside, knocking again on his way in. She was sitting on her bed with her computer in her lap and headphones covering her ears. She glanced up at his entrance and removed the headphones, pausing the movie on her laptop screen and shoving it to the side.
“Hey,” she greeted with surprise, checking the clock on the desk beside her bed. “That was fast,” she commented. “How did it go?”
Jacob sighed as he sat sideways at the foot of her bed and kicked off his shoes, leaning his back against the wall. He noted with gratitude that Jenna’s roommate must have been staying with her boyfriend that night, as her bed was empty.
“I think it went well,” he answered. “She was a little embarrassed at first, but I think she’s okay now.”
“Good,” Jenna nodded with a smile, patting him on the leg. “You did good, kid.”
He snorted a half-hearted snicker. “Yeah, I know,” he said. “Thanks for telling me. I don’t think I ever would have noticed that on my own.”
“Yeah, probably not,” she chuckled. “So, what did you say?”
Peeking at her from the corner of his eye, he cringed and said, “I told her she reminds me of my sister.”
Jenna laughed. “Oh? And how did she take that news?”
“Not very well,” he chuckled, smirking as she gave him her best “I told you so” look. His tone turned more serious as he sighed. “She, um,” he started, feigning casualty, “she seemed to understand more, though, once I told her that my sister died a long time ago.”
“Oh,” Jenna said, her laughter fading as she thought about that statement. “You never told me that.”
Jacob briefly met her gaze. “Yeah, well,” he said, turning his eyes to his hands. “It’s not exactly something I love talking about.”
Nodding in understanding, Jenna appraised his sadness. “How old were you?” she asked.
“Almost eighteen.”
She nodded. “How old was she?”
With another deep sigh, he replied, “Fifteen.”
“Hm,” Jenna muttered with an empathetic wince. “What happened?” she asked, watching him carefully with sad eyes.
Returning her pensive gaze, he answered without hesitance, “She was murdered.”
She took in a breath of surprise. “Oh, Jacob,” she whispered, shaking her head in disbelief and setting her hand on his leg in consolation.
He turned his now watery eyes back to his hands. He was surprised with himself for answering that question with honesty so quickly. When she asked, he just responded, not stopping to think about whether or not he was comfortable sharing that information with her. He frowned at his lap, wondering why that response had been so different from when Callie had asked him the same question.
Now that the words were out, though, his nerves began to rise. Despite the admission, he didn’t actually want to talk about his sister and her death. He just wanted someone to know. He wanted to be sad without question, for someone to see the emotion in his eyes and simply accept it, without another word, because they understand where it came from and that it was always going to be there.
Breaking Jacob from his contemplation, Jenna asked, “Do you want some ice cream?”
Jacob narrowed his eyes in confusion as he met her patient, questioning gaze. “Um,” he began, chuckling a bit at her superficial question in such a serious moment. “Yeah, sure.”
She gave him a warm smile, patting his leg as she got up from the bed to fix him a bowl. Jenna was one of those people who never seemed fully comfortable with confronting emotion, whether it be her own emotions or those of someone else, but Jacob smiled at her effort as she rifled her miniature freezer for the ice cream. After a moment, she returned to the bed with a bowl and spoon, handing it to him with a grin.