“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”
- 2 Corinthians 3:17
HE LOVED THE WAY the sunlight danced off of her golden curls, mimicking the gleam that lit her eyes when she smiled at him. He was perfectly content to sit and watch her for hours, wriggling his toes through the coarse sand as she fled from the cascading waves, but that would never be enough for Sarah. She was always trying to draw him out of his shell, convincing him that he needed to be part of the action. With a bright grin and saltwater in her hair, she sprinted up the beach, grabbing his hands and pulling him to his feet. Happily placating her, he followed behind as she dragged him toward the ocean.
He watched her play her little game, running from the water as it crashed in, barely letting the froth touch the tips of her toes. As a particularly large wave rolled toward the shore, he intertwined his fingers with hers and, with a devilish grin, pulled her into a tight hug. He laughed as she shrieked in fearful anticipation, trapped in place by his strong arms. As the sea crashed violently upon them, she turned to hide her face in his shirt, laughing when the frigid water soaked them both from head to toe.
Jogging back to their spot in the sand, fingers still tangled together, they lay back on the warmth and gazed out at the sun setting beyond the distant waters. Sarah propped herself up on her elbow, turning toward him with a playful grin. Leaning up on his arms, ignoring the sand sticking uncomfortably to his wet skin, he reached out to stroke her cheek. A hint of a smirk touched his lips as he gazed into her vibrant eyes.
“I love you,” he whispered.
It was the first time he had said the words aloud, and Sarah let out a small gasp, followed by a surprised chuckle. Rather than reciprocating with words, she simply smiled, closing her teary eyes and leaning toward him slowly. Just as their lips met, Jacob heard his name being called in the distance. He tried to ignore the call, relishing in the kiss. It was a feeling he had enjoyed even in the midst of his discomfort with physical touch, but after years of therapy had nearly extinguished his haphephobia, kissing Sarah was an even more enjoyable sensation. The beckoning voice was getting louder, closer, ruining the moment and provoking Jacob’s irritation. He didn’t want to end their embrace, but the disruption demanded his attention. As their lips broke apart, he turned toward the source of the sound.
Jacob’s eyes fluttered open, and he stared at the stark white ceiling, befuddled for a long moment. The mysterious voice still called his name, this time louder and followed by a rap on a nearby door. Sitting up in his small bed, he recognized his surroundings. The blank walls of the windowless room, the massive, steel door across from him, his still-snoring roommate, huddled under the thin blanket of his tiny bed. He was in his room at Bellevue Hospital.
With a deep sigh, he realized he had been dreaming. Placing his head in his hands and rubbing the sleep from his tired eyes, the beckoning voice continued its call, increasing in frustration with each minute that it remained unanswered.
“Jacob?” the nurse called again, knocking loudly on the door.
“Yeah?” he finally answered after taking a moment to bring himself back to reality.
“Oh,” she said, surprised to hear a response. “You’re late for your final session with Doctor Yang. He’s waiting for you in his office.”
Glancing at the clock on his bedside table, he realized he forgot to set his alarm the previous night.
“Oh, sorry,” he called through the door, stepping out of his bed. “Could you tell him I’ll be there in a minute?”
“Alright,” the nurse grumbled, walking away from his door to deliver the message.
Retrieving some sweat pants and a t-shirt from his dresser, Jacob tried to clear his mind from his dream and remember the exciting events the day held. After eight years at Bellevue, he was being released.
It had been a long journey, though his sentence was intended to be much longer. Given his quick progress with therapy and his genuine desire to stick to the program and take his medications, Doctor Yang had put in a glowing recommendation that Jacob be released early on parole. That recommendation was followed by lots of meetings, discussions, court hearings, and seemingly endless amounts of waiting, but the day had finally arrived. For what felt like the first time in his life, Jacob was about to be a free man.
He dressed quickly and headed for the doctor’s office, pausing by the nurse’s station to give a quick apology for his delayed response that morning. He knocked softly on the office door before turning the knob and peeking through.
“Jacob,” Doctor Yang greeted from his desk with a friendly smile. “Please, come on in and have a seat.”
“Thanks,” Jacob said, closing the door behind him and making himself comfortable in the large, leather chair across from the doctor. “Sorry I was late. I forgot to set my alarm last night.”
“That’s quite alright. I was still getting some things together,” Doctor Yang appeased. With an expectant smile, he continued, “So... how are you feeling about today?”
Jacob returned his grin. “Good.”
“Just good?”
“Well, I mean, I’m excited, of course,” Jacob answered, fidgeting with the tie on his pants. “But... also kind of nervous, I guess.”
“Hm, and why is that?” Doctor Yang asked, slipping on his small, rectangular glasses and grabbing a pen from the cup on his desktop.
Jacob took a breath, dissecting his feelings to form an answer. After years of therapy sessions, he was becoming apt at understanding his emotions and explaining them to others. The task used to seem daunting, but it had become a regular, comfortable occurrence over the years, especially in his sessions with Doctor Yang.
“I guess it’s just gonna be a little strange, being on my own,” he explained. “I mean, I’ve never really done that before.”
He thought back over his life, searching for a time when he was living in solitude, and he realized that despite how lonely he had always felt, he had never been truly alone.
“Growing up, I had my parents and Maggie. And after they were gone, I found Rodney, and then...,” he paused, glancing up at the doctor before continuing, “and then Sarah. So, I don’t know. It’s just gonna be a little weird, I guess, living alone.”
“Hm,” Doctor Yang nodded intently, jotting down a quick note on his pad. “So... speaking of Sarah,” he began.
Jacob let out a small sigh, mentally kicking himself for having mentioned her. He was generally more cautious to avoid that subject.
“We haven’t talked about her in a while. Have you been thinking about her more lately?”
“Yeah, I guess,” Jacob shrugged.
“What have you been thinking about exactly?” Doctor Yang prodded.
“I, um,” he stuttered, blushing under the scrutiny of the doctor’s gaze as he remembered how he was awoken that morning. “I had a dream about her last night,” he admitted.
With a nod, Doctor Yang asked, “What happened in your dream?”
“Nothing, really,” Jacob shrugged again. “We were just hanging out on a beach somewhere. Messing around in the water, stuff like that.”
“Hm. Anything else?”
Meeting the doctor’s unconvinced gaze, Jacob surrendered with a sigh. “I told her I loved her,” he confessed. “And... she kissed me. And then I woke up.”