“You know I’m not asking you to abandon what you believe in or change who you are, right? We’re just talking about you and me, about what we could be like if given the chance.”
“I know, I know. I’m just not sure if I can be in a relationship with an expiration date.”
“How do we know that there will be an expiration date?” I ask.
“This whole thing between us started out on a farce. We were drunk, we got married to help one another out. We didn’t marry for love, we’re based on a lie, why would that become anything more than a convenient relationship? I don’t know—if we even tried—if it would be for the right reasons.”
“What if—” I start.
“Devin, I think that this is an endless battle and we can agree to disagree. I’m not sure that you and I would be something lasting, in the way that we started.”
“The other night?”
“The other night was a drunken moment, nothing more.”
“Okay.” I say, “where do we stand with other people?”
“What if word got out that you were dating someone else? Or me for that matter? Wouldn’t that be the opposite of what you wanted when we apparently made this agreement?”
Chapter Nineteen
Connie
The conversation seemed to have gone on forever. I told him that I was not wanting to take our relationship to the next level and that I was completely fine with him doing whatever he does, as long as he was discreet.
But all of that was a lie.
I’ve enjoyed his company and I did feel a twinge of jealousy when I came home and saw him with another man.
Why? Am I already that invested in him? In whatever this thing is that we’re doing?
I lied to his face and said that our relationship couldn’t possibly be anything more than what it was, a friendship. As those words were leaving my mouth, I felt something inside of me die, just a little. I was lying to him, to myself, and nothing was making sense anymore.
We’ve attended some events together, and during those events we were very affectionate with one another as part of the plan. Could that be why I’m feeling these things?
And the dinner tonight is no different from any of the very public events that we’ve attended together. We’re going to a dinner at Devin’s parents’ house where they will have a whole lot of influential people from all around the Bay Area attending.
A whistle interrupts my internal thinking and I turn from my mirror to see Devin, wearing a suit - or rather the suit is wearing him as he leans casually against the door frame and my thoughts go from clean to dirty in an instant.
I can feel my skin flush as I take him in. I bite my lower lip and feel my heart beat rapidly as he comes closer.
He lifts his thumb and pulls my lip away from my teeth.
“You look beautiful,” he whispers, “are you ready to get this night over with?”
I nod and swallow the lump in my throat.
How am I going to get through tonight? My feelings are getting in the way of the plan. The more time that I spend with him, the more I like him and that could become an issue when this relationship ends.
The car ride over to his parent’s house was nerve-racking. I wanted to take back what I said earlier. I don’t want to be just friends. I don’t want to pretend anymore. I wanted to see what could happen. But deep in my gut, I know that separating myself is the right thing. This faux relationship will be over in less than a year anyways. I take a deep breath and feel Devin’s gaze on me.
The car pulls up to the front gates, Devin gets out first, then reaches back for my hand. I place my hand in his and smile up at him adoringly.
“Are you okay?” he asks as I stand in front of him.
“Of course, why wouldn’t I be” I ask him, leaning into him while we walk up the massive stairs to the front door of his parents’ house.
“Something felt off on the way here. You seemed faraway, or something.” He replies as the front door opens.
“Ah, you two are here!” Devin’s mom gushes stepping forward and holding out her arms to me.
We embrace and then she turns her attention to her son.
“Everything alright?” She asks looking between us
“Of course, just a little bit on the hungry side. What’s for dinner?” he responds patting his stomach.
“Something divine, I’m sure. Come. The party is in the back of the house.” She motions her arm in the direction of the back doors and we make our way to the event.
Much of the evening is walking around and shaking hands. Smiling, nodding, and polite conversation is also part of the night. Along with a constant connection with Devin. Something that I wasn’t bothered with until now.
Although, I’m not exactly bothered, I’m conflicted.
We have just taken our seats at the table, as soon as dinner was announced when someone approaches our table.
“You two must be bored of all these political events, not much of a honeymoon,” a man asks taking a seat beside him.
Devin fixes his napkin on his lap and smiles before turning toward the voice.
He doesn’t respond, instead it looks as if he’s in shock. I look around Devin and see a young man, about our age and he looks quizzingly between us.
“Pete, how nice to see you. What are you doing here?” Devin finally asks.
“Oh, I got the invite from one of your father’s intern friends. You know, how I usually always get my invites to these things. Now, I guess congratulations should be in order?” He quirks his eyebrow.
“Ah, yes. Um, thank you.” Devin responds quietly, looking nervous.
“It’s been a bit since I’ve seen you. I was wondering what you were up to, and I guess now I can see that you’ve been busy, the rumors must be true. Hello, I’m Pete, and you must be the wifey?” He throws his hand past Devin and I place mine in his.
“Nice to meet you, Constance Richards.” I say with a smile.
“Ah, you’re taking his last name, how very 1950’s of you. How well do you know this guy?”
“I, um, would say that I know him pretty well. After all, I did marry him. I mean, who would marry a complete stranger?” I laugh awkwardly.
“Oh honey, you’d be surprised. But maybe you should ask your hubby here about his past relationships, you might learn a little something that you weren’t expecting.” Pete looks between the two of us awaiting my answer.
“Oh, I know all about his past relationships,” I smile. Realizing that this conversation has taken a jealous turn.
“Yeah, there are no secrets between the two of us.” Devin states taking my hand in his.
“Oh, so all of a sudden you’ve decided that you’re going to put on a mask and hide who you really are?” Pete asks nastily.
“That’s not at all what I’m doing, but this isn’t the place or time to have any sort of conversation about this. Please stop, or I will have security escort you out.”
“Tell me that you aren’t in love with this woman.” Pete asks.
“I can’t do that.” Devin shakes his head.
“You don’t love her. You told me that you could never love a woman,” Pete stares at him.