I also don’t really care.
“Like what you see?” The amusement in his raspy voice is unmistakable.
Glancing up, I catch him smiling at me. My cheeks are red, I can feel how hot they are, but I’m so tired of denying my attraction to him. “Yes,” I admit, surprised at my bold admission.
He parts his lips, ready to say something else, and I lean toward him in anticipation. But then a car on the road catches his attention and his eyes go wide. “Oh shit. Duck!”
Ash tugs my arm and we both go down, hovering below the dash, our breathing harsh. A car goes driving by—I can hear its overly loud motor—and then it’s gone.
“You get up first. He won’t know you.” Ash actually sounds…
Scared.
I lift my head and peek around, but there’s no cars on the road, no asshole coming for my car, shaking his fist. I push the button and start the engine, then pull away from the curb, desperate to create as much distance as possible from this place.
Ash settles into the seat and tugs the seatbelt on, which surprises me, even though I watched him put it on earlier when we drove over here. He seems the sort to ride without one defiantly, saying, “When my time comes, God will take me no matter what. What’s the point of wearing one of these?”
“Safety first,” he says when he catches me staring. He clicks the belt into place and smiles at me. “That was a close one.”
“Who was it?” His attitude is baffling. I can’t help but wonder if this is all some big game to him.
“Don. The asshole who beat me up.” He shakes his head. “I bet old Mrs. Conrad told him I was here.”
Then it definitely was a close one. Fear ripples in the pit of my stomach and I clutch the steering wheel, the reality of what just happened starting to dawn. “What we just did was so dangerous.”
“Yeah.” He shrugs. “But we didn’t get caught, so…”
“I don’t do dangerous things,” I tell him, my voice even, my thoughts in chaos. “Like…ever.”
“Hang around with me and you’ll find yourself doing something dangerous every single day,” he says with a grin.
There’s innuendo there. I’m not stupid. He’s referring to himself. I should tell him that won’t work, considering Rylie’s still in the picture. I might’ve kissed him when I was still with Ben, but I still haven’t forgiven myself for that. No way can anything happen between us while he’s with Rylie. I can’t do that to her.
I won’t do that to anyone ever again.
“I’m serious, Ash. That was freaking scary. What if he caught us? What if he caught me? And did something to me?” My hands are trembling, and I clutch the steering wheel as tight as I can.
“Your dad would’ve had my ass, and Don’s too,” he says conversationally, like no big deal. “He would’ve been so pissed.”
“I could’ve been hurt. Can’t you see that?” I sound near hysterics, and maybe I am. Maybe I shouldn’t be driving. I pull over to the side of the road so I can catch my breath, calm my pounding heart, still my racing mind.
“You weren’t, okay? Everything’s cool. We’re good. We’re safe,” he reassures me, his brows furrowed.
Like the wimp that I’ve suddenly become, I start to cry. And I feel so stupid, especially after hearing him tell Rylie earlier to stop crying. He must not like it when a girl cries, and I want him to like me. Despite everything, despite how mean and rude he’s been to me over the years, and how fucked up his life is, I like him. I care about him. I want him to feel the same way about me, but he probably won’t because I’m a crying, lame-ass wimp.
“Aw, Callahan, don’t cry. You’re breaking my fucking heart.” He rests a hand over his chest, rubbing it absently as I sit there and just bawl like a baby.
“You don’t like it when a girl cries, I get it.” I sniff, wipe at my eyes, but the tears keep coming.
And then he does the craziest thing.
He unbuckles his seatbelt and scoots closer, unbuckling mine as well. He hits the starter button, turning off the car but not the radio, and he leans over the center console, pulling me into an awkward embrace.
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs into my ear as he gently strokes my back. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
I press my face into his shoulder and breathe deep, desperate to get myself under control. He smells so good. Nothing like that disgusting apartment he lives in. He’s wearing an old football T-shirt, and it’s so soft. He feels so solid and warm. And he’s most likely still in pain from the beating he took only a couple of days ago.
Yet here he is, comforting me. Telling me it’s going to be okay. Apologizing.
“I’m sorry.” I pull away from him, our faces still so close. Kissing close. His breath wafts across my face, and it smells like mint. “I didn’t mean to fall apart.”
“Hey.” He curls his fingers around my chin and lifts so I have no choice but to gaze up at him. I must look a mess. “I would’ve protected you. If Don had showed up, I would’ve thrown myself in front of you before he could even look at you. No way would I let that asshole lay a hand on you.”
I blink, trying to push away the tears still clinging to my eyelashes. “Really?”
“You think I’m going to just stand there and watch that asshole put even a single finger on you? Hell no. I would’ve killed him.”
He says it with such conviction, I almost believe him.
“I scare you,” Ash says when I remain silent. He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear, his fingers lingering, playing with my earlobe, and I close my eyes, savoring the sweet touch. “I’m not good enough for you. I know that.”
My eyes pop open and I part my lips, ready to protest when he rests a single finger over my mouth, silencing me. “It’s true. You saw where I live. You know what I am.” He skims his finger across the seam of my lips, then traces my cheek, his touch featherlight, making me shiver. “If you just gave me a chance, I’d give you anything you want.”
My heart catches, along with my breath. What is he saying? What does he mean?
“Are you k-kidding?” My voice is so shaky I can barely get the words out.
He laughs, the sound dying as fast as it started. “Never. Not with you. I mean it. One hundred percent.”
This is it. Do or die time. I can tell him to stay away from me or I can give in.
“What can I do to make you believe me?” he asks.
“I can’t be with you if you’re with Rylie,” I tell him.
“I was never actually with her in the first place, so that’s not a problem. I’ll tell her we can’t hang out anymore,” he says without hesitation. He makes it sound so easy, but I don’t know...
My tears have all dried up now, and I can’t help the hope that’s rising in my chest, making me feel as light as air. Like I could possibly walk on clouds. “Really?”
“Really,” he says firmly.
I stare at him, shocked by how agreeable he’s being.
Shocked yet pleased.
“Meet me at the hot tub tonight. Eleven o’clock. I’ll prove it to you that we’re done,” he says, his voice, his eyes, his everything so utterly sincere.