I half expected Jackson to stop us from driving away the last time I saw him, or that he would have tracked me down at some point; he’s a man of means, so it wouldn’t have been hard. But for the six years we spent in the Corps, all I got was radio silence.
It upset me a lot in the beginning; knowing that I hurt him so deeply and that he was so angry he didn’t want to talk or see me. I can’t describe how painful the ache in my chest was…is…still.
He was right; hurting him meant hurting me…and it really fucking hurt.
Dee was close to calling my parents, or Tristan at the very least, a couple of times until I figured out how to deal with it and move on.
And as far as the outside world is concerned, Jackson Smoak is just a painful memory I’m over. There are only two people who know otherwise.
Dee and Alex saw me at my lowest and the fact that I still dream about Jackson is nothing compared to that, so, for the most part, they aren’t too concerned about my emotional wellbeing.
They live in hope that eventually I’ll meet someone I like enough to not dump within a month. It’s not that I don’t like any of them, it’s just I know by that point whether or not I’m going to fall for them. The answer is always not. Jackson has ruined me for all other men and I hate admitting that, because where does that leave me? Pining after a man who doesn’t acknowledge my existence anymore?
No thanks.
I kept telling myself my obsession is purely the result of him being the one that got away, but I’m increasingly concerned I’m not even convincing myself anymore.
I lay in bed until dawn breaks over the horizon, the pale light filtering into my room. Giving up on the idea of sleep, I wander down the hall to the open plan living area of our Upper East Side apartment.
Therapy worked out well for my parents and we now have a happier, more relaxed relationship. It took time and a lot of work to rebuild the trust, but we made it, and to the point my mom felt brave enough to insist on buying this apartment for Dee, Alex and me when we made the decision to leave the Corps.
I didn’t love the idea, but my parents are lucky to have more money than they know how to spend, plus Dee and Alex love it here, so I was quickly outnumbered.
I’m genuinely grateful for their generosity - even if it is wildly excessive for three former Corps Operatives who are used to roughing it and can spot all of the ‘covert’ security measures hidden around the building.
I flop down on our large, L-shape sofa facing one of the floor-to-ceiling windows and watch the sun creep higher into the dawn sky. I’m not alone for long as Alex practically sleepwalks towards me wearing a crumpled t-shirt and boxers and collapses onto a cushion next to me, his dark hair skewed where he’s slept on it.
“Did I wake you?”
“Nah,” he yawns, “I was going to go for a run.”
“Dee still asleep?”
“Of course. You know it takes a nuclear explosion to wake her.”
I think back to all the times Alex and I had to practically shoot her to wake her while on night duties and smile; some things are always reassuringly the same.
Dee and I met Alex in San Francisco. He was in our intake squad and we took to him instantly – thanks in large part to the attraction between him and Dee. It took them a couple of years to do anything about it, but now they’re a couple and thankfully, it hasn’t altered the dynamic of our friendships; they simply added sex to their equation.
Alex is an easy-going soul; tall, strong and with a wickedly inappropriate sense of humor that makes my sides hurt with laughter. I’ve always felt comfortable around him, even with bed-head, un-brushed teeth and wearing nothing but my underwear – and that was before all the time we spent in the field. Hell, by the end of our first week of training we had all seen each other naked. With the jobs we had, there weren’t many boundaries left between any of us.
Alex and I have always been completely platonic – it’s what I love most about our relationship; I can look at him and appreciate his hotness but honestly not feel an ounce of attraction toward him. We have zero sexual chemistry and it’s fucking awesome; he’s the brother I never had.
“We have that charity gala tonight,” I remind him. My parents are looking forward to showing the three of us off, now that we’ve moved back to New York...sadly, I don’t have the same enthusiasm; I anticipate it will be deathly dull.
“Does that mean you and Dee are heading off to a spa for ‘girl time’?”
I groan internally.
“Sadly so. My mom is insisting on it.”
It’s not that Dee and I don’t like getting dressed up, but we’ve just spent six years being the Guardian trio of choice for some of the most intense operations, which didn’t really leave us a lot of time for mani-pedis and massages.
Alex has an enhanced ability like Dee and me; he can teleport himself and whatever he’s touching to wherever he wants to go. If he’s only transporting himself, he can ‘jump’ clear across several states, if he’s holding onto Dee and me then it’s only a couple of blocks.
There was one particularly frightening situation that required him to jump us both across an entire city to safety, but that was a one-off and took a lot out of him. Jumping is a last resort as it’s a serious energy deprecator.
Given Alex’s talent, Dee’s ability to conceal us with her invisibility trick and my telekinesis, we made a formidable unit, especially as Dee mastered how to maintain her invisibility bubble for extended periods of time.
My telekinesis developed to the level that I can knock my adversaries over with short shockwaves and move large objects. Being able to truly levitate, however, hovers just out of reach.
“You have another dream?” Dee asks as she emerges from the hallway in a sleep-disheveled state.
There are only two reasons I’m ever awake before the sun; either I’ve been ordered to, or I’ve dreamt about Jackson. Dee knows this and because we’re no longer in the Corps, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out why I’m up. Alex knows this as well, but he’s too diplomatic to bring up my obsession with my ex-lover unless he has backup from Dee.
“That obvious, huh?”
“Well, you are wearing his sweater again,” she retorts.
I arch a brow at her, “Well it was a damn good dream.”
“I don’t doubt it; it’s been a while since you’ve had any, after all. You know, I did hear that Tristan is single again and he’s only getting finer with age…”
Dee forgot about her crush on Tristan almost the moment she laid eyes on Alex and instead focuses on trying to hook me up with him…or any guy that looks at me if we’re being honest.
Philips retired not long after our move to San Francisco and Tristan became the head of security for my parents so everywhere they went, he followed. It had been easier than I thought it would be to get over my issues with him, especially after he kept his word to have my back and even went as far as to fight my cause on the few occasions he thought my parents were being unreasonable.
It didn’t mean I was attracted to him.
Well, that was sort of a lie. Now he’s not my bodyguard, I can look at him objectively and see what Dee had seen all along; Tristan is hot, in an unassuming, surprising way. Now that his overbearing protectiveness is directed at my parents, his quiet, self-assured, lethal strength is pretty damn sexy. A fact I was stupid enough to let slip once, which green-lit Dee’s compulsive cupid disorder.