“Channing!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING! PUT ME DOWN!” It was Angel spoiling time. My favorite time of the day. Kissing her shoulder, I hoist her up and walk her to the bathroom standing her up near the bath. After stripping her I pick her up and set her down in the warm bath.
“You are so perfect Angel.” She looked up at me then lifts her legs up in the water.
“Oh, I’m perfect huh but you’re making me bathe all by me lonesome?” Growling I strip off my shirt, placing the fruit and champagne on a chair and rolling it over to the jetted tub. Once everything is in place, I watch her watch me strip off my sweats and underwear. Her eyes widened and her she bit her lip and it made me feel like the sexiest man to ever exist. Sitting down in the tub behind her I pull her to me and I feel as if I’ve struck gold, diamonds and jewels.
“Mmm this feels good!” I was about to say something until she threw her head back and started laughing.
“What’s so funny?” She skimmed her hand over the bubbles and giggled. But then tears start streaming down her face. “ANGEL! What’s the matter?” She bit her lip and looked back at me.
“Nothing is the matter. I’m actually…” She brings her hands up to her face, bubbles and all, putting her head in them. “I just never thought I could be this happy. For all my doubts about us, I’m still happy. I feel so immature when I think about this relationship. My heart beats fast when you hold me. I feel good about myself when you hold me and your arms wrap around me. I feel special when you pick me up easily and carry me places. These are things I’ve never felt before due to size differences in the men I’d previously dated.
As a plus sized woman I’ve always felt some insecurities but as a black plus sized woman I felt I couldn’t show them. At one point in my life I felt something was wrong with me because always attracted the wrong men. Men who would say they love my personality but were iffy about my size. I’ve always felt I have to be strong and take those punches-” I stiffen and could feel my anger physically boil into my chest.
“Who hit you?!” She turned around fully to me heavy breast swinging in my face. She kisses my neck sucking on it just where my pulse was beating, and as turned on as I am that she’s taking initiative, the fact that some fuckwad laid his hands on this precious gem keeps me from fully enjoying the moment. I try to pull her off me, but she clung to me for what felt like dear life, shaking.
“No one hit me, not physically at least. To put it simply, whomever said words will never hurt you is wrong. They do hurt and a whole hell of a lot at that. Even you. I hate to keep going back to it, but you contributed to that pain as well. Telling me what clothes not to wear as if my body disgusted you. Prohibiting me from wearing high heels implying a girl my size should not even bother being sexy. That hurt.” I sink against the tub, deflated and ashamed.
“It might be annoying to you to have this brought up every conversation, but these are my feelings… or they were my feelings. It’s weird to me being this close to you feeling this good and confident.” I thought she would say more but instead she quiets herself and we just sit there in silence.
As we lay there, I allow her words to sink in. I know I was mean, but I didn’t know I was that mean. I didn’t know I’d made her feel so insecure. My selfishness is unforgivable. I thought I was unworthy of her before but now it’s inconceivable that she’d even be laying here with me.
How do I tell her I’m sorry from the depths of my soul? How do I make things right and tell her she’s the epitome of perfection? How?! I need her to know my obsessive love for her is real, but I don’t want to scare her off.
I want her to know how I sat back, admired and adored her…but for any woman, knowing how much a man stalked her is creepy. Plus, I’m sure she’s bound to lose her mind if she knew about my actions led to her eviction. My financial advisor told me not to do it but to me it was technically an investment for my future. She’s here, she’s mine, I'd never let her leave me…so again how do I express that? Even the Bible says He who finds a wife finds a good thing and I couldn’t agree more.
Stumped, I let out a sigh, grab a washcloth and gently start washing her. I take my time making sure to kiss each part of her body it’s so absolutely perfect. When I’m done, I drain the water, take her to the shower and wash the soapy suds from her. After I dry her and pick her up, I carry her to the bed then go grab the thankfully still chilled champagne and sliced fruits. Setting the platter down, I take the champagne and sit next to her.
“I want to start off by saying never once have I thought of your body as disgusting. Your body drives me wild Angel, and I don’t think anything on you is fat… aside from this ass and pussy that is.” I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her to me kissing her lips. “Do you know I hated when you went on a diet?”
“What? That’s ridiculous.”
“It’s not ridiculous at all. You starved yourself and for a long time too. You looked sick and it broke my heart. It was so bad that there were days I had no choice but to step in and buy lunch for the building just so you would eat, do you remember that?” She moaned and nodded as I trailed kisses down her body.
“You’d come into work looking so tired to the point I had to cancel meetings so you could go home early to get rest. There were days when you’d sneak off to the restroom and cry because you were fed up with me. You thought nobody noticed but I did and for me those days where the worst. Those were the times I couldn't do anything for you due to my own stupidity.
Those were the times I wanted to hold you and tell you I lo- like you and care about you. I have ALWAYS cared about you Angel I just tried to push you away and I’m sorry for that. I didn’t mean to add to your pain baby. I tell you this because I want you to know this there isn’t a woman skinny, tall, small or thick that can make me find you lacking.” She opened her eyes.
“You're just saying that.”
“Bullshit. Every woman I’ve been with since I've met you comes out lacking.” Her lip quivered and tears welled up in her eyes.
“So when you used to criticize my outfits at work you were-” I drop my shoulders full of shame.
“Jealousy or distractions. I don’t like how the men at work look at you and you looked good enough to eat so I could never concentrate while I was at work.” She smiled through her tears and it warmed my heart.
“And when you’d yell at me for being in the break room to long? What about that?”
“I might have heard on occasion that men were flirting with you.” I kissed her belly and suck right above her navel.
“So basically, you’re saying you stalked me years then only just made your move now?” She raised a brow. Heart pounding, I stop breathing.
“Angel I-”
“How cute, you were low key my secret admirer. You weren’t paying my rent secretly huh?” She looked at me then laughed shaking her head. “Just kidding I know that wasn’t you.”
“Admirer…right. But no I have never paid your rent. I have you here with me now and that’s all I care about.” I chuckle, but deep down I feel like a complete jackass for lying to her. How shocked would she be if she knew how much I spent on getting her? She’s cost me millions of dollars and every cent was worth it. I even grew out my hair because I found out she liked men with longer hair. I’d heard that while I was stalking her… I mean when I was casually listening to her conversation in the break room...on multiple occasions.