I thought she had stopped drawing and painting. Then I saw that drawing of me that captured the pain I was feeling so perfectly that it was alarming. I might have ended up feeling those emotions all over again just looking at that drawing, but the fact that she drew me had me so distracted.
Lex drew me. Me. Not Blaine.
“I guess it was just a power shortage,” Lex says, drawing me from my thoughts.
“I guess so.” Unable to help myself, I reach forward and rub at the spots of paint on her cheeks.
A crinkle forms between her brows. “What’re you doing?”
“You have paint on your cheeks,” I tell her with a smile. “It’s cute how it’s all splattered amongst your freckles.”
She crinkles her nose. “My freckles aren’t cute.”
“No, they’re fucking adorable.” I slowly back her up against the wall and cup her chin in my hand. “The power outrage ruined my kiss.”
She nervously wets her lips with her tongue. “I know.”
I skim my thumb along her jawline. “And I want to finish it so you know I’m being serious about this.”
“That you …? That you want to kiss me?”
“And date you.” I move my thumb to her bottom lip. “For reals. Not fake.”
“And … And what about what the blackmailer wants me to do?”
“That can be an added bonus to us dating. We can play the blackmailer with this. Make him think that you’re playing me, but it can be real.” I smile at her, waiting for her to agree, but when she doesn’t, my smile fades into apprehension. “Unless you don’t want to.”
“No … I think I do … I mean, I do … I just …” She grimaces. “I’m just a little bit nervous about this. I mean, everything is so new to me, and I don’t really know what I’m doing. And you do. And I …” She blows out a frustrated sigh. “I’m not Stella Mafelerton.”
“I know you’re not.” My brows knit. “Why are you pointing that out?”
She continues to grow more frustrated. “Stella Mafelerton is experienced and knows what she’s doing, like you do. And I just had my first kiss, like, a few days ago, which you know since you’re the one who kissed me.”
“Again, I know all of this,” I tell her, confused. “What I don’t get is why you’re saying all this stuff.”
“I just think …” Her gaze wanders up to the ceiling as she shakes her head and takes a deep breath. “You’re experienced, and I’m not. And if we dated, we’d have to go kind of slow since I’m still working on stuff. Plus, with everything going on, I don’t want to make things more complicated.”
I relax a smidgeon. “Lex, what did you think I meant earlier when I said I want to do this right?”
She shrugs, her gaze returning to mine, confusion filling her eyes. “I have no idea.”
I sweep a strand of her hair out of her face. “I meant that I want to do this right with you. I don’t want to just hook up. Trust me; I’ve waited a while for things to happen between us. I’m not going to risk screwing it up by rushing into anything.”
“So … So, you don’t want to have sex, then?” she asks, her cheeks flushing.
Jesus, that blush. Lex rarely blushes, but I really wish she would more, because it’s the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.
I nibble on my bottom lip, choosing my next words carefully. “No, that’s not what I’m saying. I do want to have sex with you. I’m just saying that we can take things slow.” As her cheeks turn even more pink, I can’t help smiling. “You’re blushing.”
“No, I’m not,” she scoffs.
“Yeah, you are.”
“Yeah, well … you’re saying you want to have sex with me, so I don’t know what you expect.”
“I don’t expect anything. That’s what I’m trying to say.” I swallow hard as I prepare to put a truth out there between us. “But I do want you, like, a lot. I’ve fucking fantasized about it for a while now.”
Her breathing starts to quicken. I think she is freaking out, but she’s looking me in the eye, not somewhere else like she would be if she was contemplating running.
“I’m going to kiss you now, okay?” My voice is a lot more wobbly than I want it to be.
She bobs her head up and down, quiet breaths rushing from her lips. “Okay.”
My own breathing starts to pick up as I lean in. With how worked up we both are, I know that, when we kiss, it’s going to be intense. But even knowing that doesn’t prepare me for the intensity that pulsates through me when my lips touch hers.
I groan as desire courses through me, and I let my hands drift to her waist, holding her up. Or maybe I’m trying to hold myself up. Who the hell knows and who the hell cares? All I know is that I want this. Want her.
“You okay with this?” I double-check, my lips hovering a sliver of an inch away from hers.
“Yeah,” she breathes out, moving her hands to the hem of my shirt.
As she clutches onto the fabric, her fingers graze across the skin of my waist. Desire ripples through me, and I kiss her deeply, our tongues tangling.
My hands unconsciously wander up and down her sides as I work to keep us both upright. I’m trying to go slow, to keep control of myself, but the longer we kiss, the quicker our movements become. And when she leans against the wall behind her and hitches her leg around my waist, I damn near lose it.
I grind my hips against hers, and she moans, digging her fingers into my sides. I just about pull back, not wanting to push her, when she rolls her hips against mine. We did this a little bit in my car in the school parking lot, but this feels different, maybe because I made it pretty clear we’re not pretending.
This is real, and Lex knows it. And she’s not pulling away.
But I also told her I’d take things slow, and this doesn’t feel slow. So, instead of rocking my hips against hers again, I focus on kissing her, focus on letting my hands travel up and down her sides, along her arms, the sides of her neck.
Her skin is so soft, and she tastes like cherries. I want to taste her everywhere. But I’m not going to yet. I’m not going to screw this up like I’ve done with everything else in my life. So, I keep kissing her, tasting her lips and feeling her skin. And nothing exists in that moment. Not my parents. Not those papers. Not the drug deals waiting for me when I leave. It’s just Lex and me here. And if I could, I would stay this way for a while. And maybe I would’ve if the house alarm didn’t go off, letting us know someone is here.
That we’re no longer alone.
11
Alexis
I think I might really be starting to like this whole kissing thing. Like a freakin’ ton. Although, I wonder if I’d like it as much if I wasn’t kissing West. I honestly don’t think so. Not with how easy falling into kissing him is.
Not that the kissing isn’t intense. It’s beyond tense. Blazing. Full of heat. I can’t believe I haven’t been doing this for longer.
I probably would’ve kissed him all night if the house alarm hadn’t gone off.