Me: You want to talk about it? And I mean for real, where we have a two-sided conversation and you don’t hang up on me?
Blaine: That sounds nice. How about tomorrow? I think I’m too drunk right now to have that conversation.
Me: Sure. Let’s meet up after school.
Blaine: Thanks, Lexi. You really are a good friend.
He must be super drunk since he called me Lexi and hardly anyone ever does.
Me: You know it.
I put my phone down and wait a few more minutes for West to message me back, telling myself that I don’t need to feel guilty about spending time with Blaine tomorrow. We’re just friends. Nothing more. And I plan on telling West I’m meeting up with him.
However, guilt churns in my stomach, which is so freakin’ annoying.
I lie down in bed and turn off my lamp, keeping my phone beside my head, watching the screen, waiting for it to light up with a message from West.
It never does.
I ended up falling asleep with a bad feeling churning in the pit of my stomach.
12
West
I messed up.
I screwed up.
I’m so screwed.
These thoughts keep streaming through my head as I sit at the table with Holden, Ellis, and a group of the most sketchiest guys I’ve ever seen. One of them has arms bulkier than my body while another one is sporting brass knuckles. And don’t even get me started on the guy Holden is chatting with. He’s the scariest-looking one of all with a knife laying on the table in front of him.
But the conversation they’re having is what’s unsettling me the most.
“Yeah, we can push that,” Holden tells him as he thrums his fingers against the table.
We’re in a kitchen of a home that looks a little nicer than the one I’m currently living in, but not by much. The air smells stale and muggy, and I don’t even want to know why. On top of that, I don’t really think anyone lives here, since the table is basically the only piece of furniture around, which makes me question what this house is. A place to set up drug trafficking deals? From the conversation going on between Holden and the guys, it probably is.
My phone is turned off due to Holden telling me I had to, and it’s making me unsettled. What if something happens to Lex while I’m here and she can’t get ahold of me? Would it even matter anyway? Because I feel like, if I try to walk out of here, that knife might end up in my back.
“Good, good,” the guy says, his gaze sweeping across Ellis and me. “You guys good with that, too?” he directs his question to Holden.
I want to interrupt. I want to shout “No!” Want to say I don’t even want to be here. But Holden stressed that neither Ellis nor I should talk while we’re here unless directly spoken to, and considering the guys are armed …
“Yeah, they’re good,” Holden assures him with his arms crossed.
The guy nods, picks up his knife, and then smooths the pad of his thumb along the blade. “How about we cut a line and seal the deal then?”
Awesome. Now, on top of dealing, I have to do a line? It’s not like I haven’t done drugs before, but I’ve been trying to cut back, trying to keep a clear head. For myself. For Lex.
She needs me to be able to keep my shit together.
As everyone does a line, I try to sit back and pretend I’m not here. Eventually, though, the guys start to notice.
“You gotta a problem with my drugs?” the guy who’s been doing all the talking asks me.
I want to say yes, but again, my lips remain sealed.
Holden discreetly elbows me hard in the side, and I wince. He gives me the hardest look, warning me that if I mess this up, he’ll mess me up.
So, with my jaw ticking, I lower my head and snort a line. And in that moment, I hate myself. I hate my fake parents. I hate that I got into this mess to begin with …
Then that drip trickles down my throat and all that hate sort of blends away.
Everything does. Except regret.
Lots and lots of fucking regret.
13
Alexis
I wake up the next morning to my phone buzzing and buzzing and buzzing. At first, I ignore it, but as the sleepiness evaporates from my brain, I realize it might be West.
Nope, just Masie messaging me relentlessly.
Masie: I need to talk to you.
Masie: Please answer
Masie: This is bigger than our fight.
Masie: Lex, please.
Masie: Blaine is gone.
I quickly sit up in bed. “What the hell is she talking about?”
My phone rings then, a call from Masie. Normally, I wouldn’t answer it, but something about the way she’s texting me has me …
“Hello?” I answer.
“Oh my God, Lex. He’s gone! He’s just gone!” she shouts into the phone, sobbing and veering toward hysterical.
“Calm down,” I say, trying to calm down myself. “What do you mean, he’s gone? Blaine? What happened?”
“I don’t know what happened exactly,” she whispers shakily. “Stella, she called me this morning … She saw on the news …” She starts crying again. “Blaine’s car was found in the lake this morning. He wasn’t in it, but the police are searching the lake for him, because they think he’s dead.”
Blaine is dead?
“No … There’s no way …” My mind drifts back to the call and messages I received from his last night.
He seemed off and sounded strange—
A messages buzzes through.
“Hold on just a sec,” I tell Masie then glance at the message.
It’s from Unknown.
Dread pinches the pit of my stomach. “Masie … I have to call you back.”
I hang up before she can respond and, with trembling fingers, I open the text.
That dread builds as I see a video attachment, and even though I don’t want to, I press play.
The video starts with Blaine and West fighting.
This must have been recorded yesterday.
Then the video shifts to Blaine getting into West’s car. Then it changes over to them parked in the woods and sitting in the car.
All of this West told me happened yesterday, but the video isn’t done yet. It contains one more scene of Blaine’s car driving into the lake. Someone is standing on the shore, watching it happen, but it’s at night and too dark to see their face.
A message pops through.
Unknown: Look at what West did.
Me: West didn’t do that.
Unknown: You sure about that?
Another clip pops through of West sitting in a house and talking to some sketchy-looking men, along with Holden and Ellis.
The person taking the video is clearly peeking in the window, and there’s no sound, but I get the gist of what’s going on as I watch the men put cocaine on the table. Then everyone snorts lines, including West. At the end, Holden, Ellis, and West carry out bags that I’m guessing have drugs in them.
What is this?
Why is West dealing drugs?
Me: This doesn’t prove West put Blaine’s car in the lake. He doesn’t even have a reason to. You’re the one who’s blackmailing Blaine and me and taking all these videos.