“Jesus Christ.” His face reflected the horror she had felt back then. “I can’t imagine how terrible that must’ve been for you.”
“It was. I never returned to private practice. Just the idea of being responsible for someone else’s mental health, having all of that suppressed rage explode at me again . . . I couldn’t deal with it, so I ran. Back to school to become a physician’s assistant, and then my dad helped me get the plum assignment at the compound when it opened, just as you guessed.”
He flushed. “I apologize. I didn’t mean to imply you didn’t deserve your position or that you had it easy. I was just being a dick.”
“Yeah, you were. But I accept.” She gave him a small smile, letting him know he was off the hook. Almost. “So, why were you being mean?”
“It’s complicated,” he said, gaze dropping to the table.
Just then the waitress returned with their food and set down the plates, giving Kalen a thorough once-over as she did. “Anything else I can do for you?”
Mac’s blood pressure rose, anger simmering.
But he barely glanced at the woman, then shook his head and answered politely. “No, thanks.”
Taking her cue, the waitress left to see about other customers. The tension in Mac drained as quickly as it had come after seeing the girl devour him with her eyes. Maybe it was ridiculous to be jealous of a man who’d rejected her, but Mac couldn’t help how she felt. The way her hormones were starting to kick in, a certain Sorcerer was damned lucky he hadn’t responded to the bimbo.
“Mackenzie? Hey, where’d you go?”
“Hmm? Oh, sorry. Just thinking.”
“About?”
“You. Gonna let me in on why you’ve been such a jerk to me lately?”
“Ouch.” He winced. “I am sorry, for what it’s worth.”
“If the attitude is simply to keep me from stalking you or something, you can relax. I haven’t been following you around begging you to change your mind, and I won’t.” Not that she didn’t long to leave her pride in the dirt and do just that.
“I’m the one who should be begging for a second chance,” he said quietly. “Are you gonna make me do that? Should I get on my knees?”
She stopped twirling her spaghetti and her heart lurched. “What?”
“I got scared and I ran from you. I’ve fucked up in so many ways, you can’t imagine.” Setting down his fork, he rested both elbows on the table, clenching his hands.
“Why should I believe you?” she asked, barely managing to keep her voice steady. What she wanted to do was grab him, drag his body across the table, and kiss him until he passed out from lack of oxygen. Common sense told her to use a bit more restraint.
“You shouldn’t. I’m a horrible prospect, honey.”
“Because of your past? You know I would never hold that against you. That’s not who I am.” She touched his hand. “You did what you had to do in order to survive.”
“It’s not the past I’m worried about.” His expression was agonized. “I’ve done something I’m so afraid I can’t take back. I’m up against a force I don’t know if I can fight, much less win.”
“Tell me.”
“I . . .” His inner struggle waged war on his face, and his eyes were bleak. “I went—” Suddenly he grabbed his head, grimacing in pain.
“Kalen, what’s wrong?” she asked in a low voice, glancing around to make sure nobody else had noticed.
After a few quick, shallow breaths, he lowered his hands. His skin was pale and he looked shaken. “I can’t tell you. He won’t let me.”
Fear washed through her like ice water. “Who? Malik?”
With apparent reluctance, he nodded. “Yes.”
Beginning to connect the dots, she gripped the edge of the table. “This is the one who’s giving you meaningful counsel, helping you feel empowered?” she asked in a low voice. At his miserable nod, the dread intensified. “What’s this bullshit about him not letting you tell? What has he done to you?”
“I can’t explain right now. I wish I could.”
“Can’t or won’t?” Strained silence was her answer. “Is this the part where you ask me to trust you?”
“I can’t ask anything of you, honey. But I’m hoping you do.”
“Why should I?”
“Because without you—” With a sharp intake of breath, he stood abruptly, holding a hand under his nose. “Sorry. Be right back.”
Mac stared after him as he retreated, presumably in the direction of the men’s restroom. Slumping back in her seat, she let out a sigh and tried to calm her racing pulse. Malik was sinking his claws deeper into Kalen every day, and her Sorcerer was losing ground. This was bad. So very, very bad. Did Nick know how far the alliance had gotten between the two of them? He must have some idea. Would he follow through with his threat to execute Kalen? She couldn’t bear thinking about that.
What had Kalen been about to say about why she should trust him, give him another chance? Two things she was almost certain of—Malik had stopped him. And if he had, the Unseelie must’ve had a good reason. That meant there was something specific the creep didn’t want her to know.
Why not simply stop Kalen from being with her at all? Now that he had Kalen, perhaps Malik didn’t consider her to be a big enough threat to warrant denying his new apprentice a bit of pleasure.
“That’s just sick,” she muttered, tracing the beads of moisture on her water glass.
Recalling the night she’d spent with Kalen a few weeks ago, when the horrible Unseelie had come to her in a nightmare and attempted to sway her to his side, haunted her a lot these days. Because now she understood that it had been a ruse to get the Sorcerer to part with his amulet, to give it to Mac for her protection.
Leaving him vulnerable to Malik’s twisted desires.
Why Kalen? He couldn’t be the only powerful magic user in the universe. Why did he, in particular, matter so much to the Unseelie? Mac didn’t believe Malik’s choice was random.
She shouldn’t care about Kalen’s problems after the way he’d dropped her and walked away. But his problems were the whole team’s, and now hers as well.
Okay, if she was honest with herself, concern for the rest of the Pack wasn’t the only reason she cared. If she was a lesser person—or maybe a smarter person—she might walk away from him. Leave him to his fate.