1
Olivia
My life began the day I died. No, that’s not some thoughtless metaphor - I literally died. Some days I wish they would have just left me alone, letting me rot six feet under. But that’s not how life works, is it? When I close my eyes, I’m still haunted by my past and the day that brought me back.
I screamed, burning and freezing at the same time.
A nurse came in, putting a cool cloth on my forehead. “I know it hurts, honey. Just hang in there a few more days.”
Days? There was no way I could take any more of this! The monitors beeped as my heart rate spiked. My heart felt like it was going to beat right out of my freaking chest.
“Code blue, room 2.”
I get up, pacing my small dorm room. You’d never know that I died just by looking at me. That’s what six years of running and putting your past behind you will do, I guess. And I ran as far as I fucking could from my old life.
After that day, the state found some long-lost cousins for me to stay with until I turned eighteen. They were nice, but only took me in for the monthly checks they got for their troubles. But they didn’t physically hurt me. For that, I’m thankful. They did, however, manage to verbally abuse me every chance they got. I once overheard my cousin on the phone saying how I would never amount to anything because of my past. That I was trash and would always be trash, and she would know, since she was trash. Hell, I could barely read at the ripe old age of sixteen.
Guess I proved them all wrong, though. I caught up in my high school classes and managed to snag a scholarship to a state university. Sure, it’s for low-income students, but it’s still mine. And I get a chance to make something out of my life. Otherwise, my cousin might just be right.
I go back to my desk. I don’t have time to let my past screw with my future.
The door opens and my roommate, Lucy, pops her dark head in.
“You’re really not going to come?” She sighs. “It’s just a coffee shop. I’m not asking you to come to a rave.”
I glance up. “I have to finish this paper.”
Or, that’s the excuse I’m giving today. She doesn’t need to know where I’m really going. My phone buzzes on my desk, reminding me that I have somewhere to be soon. I wonder what Lucy would do if she knew this side of me? Would she still want me to have coffee with her then? My guess is no.
“You’ve said no every day for the past three years.”
I smile. “Why stop now?”
“I worry about you, Olivia. I really do.”
“Don’t. I’m fine.” I glance at the clock on the wall. “Better head out or you’ll be late.”
She rolls her eyes, but grabs her bag as she leaves. I lean back in my chair when she’s gone, thankful for the silence. Sometimes I hate it so fucking much that I’m not normal. That I don’t like being in crowds. That I won’t even drink more than two cups of coffee a day for fear of becoming addicted. It’s silly, as my therapist has told me repeatedly, but I can’t stop myself, especially since I know how easy it is to become addicted to something. It’s the what ifs that are going to kill me. And this time it just might be forever.
Turning back to my laptop, I look over my paper and hit send. There. That means I’m officially finished with classes until the fall. Two and a half months of freedom, which I’m trying not to stress over too much. I still haven’t found a place to live over the summer, and I have to be out of the dorms in a week.
But, after that, I’ll be a senior and then I’ll graduate with a degree in accounting. When I first enrolled, I had dreams of becoming a chef or even a teacher, like the ones who helped me so much when I needed it the most. But I’m not sure if I’m in a place to help kids going through shit. I mean, I’m not even over my own shit. So I took the safe route, even if it bores the hell out of me.
There’s a knock on the door and I open it, thinking Lucy’s forgotten her car keys again. Air solidifies in my throat when I see him standing there.
Agent Hill.
“Well, look at that. I barely recognized you.” He smiles. “May I come in?”
I don’t answer right away, but he wasn’t really waiting for me to. He walks in, looking around.
“This is nice. I hear you’re doing well in your classes.”
I’m a bit surprised he’s been keeping tabs on me.
I swallow and ask, “What are you doing here?”
“Guess you don’t believe I’m here checking up on you. No?” He lets out a laugh. “Do you remember that day in the hospital?”
How could I not?
I stared out the window as the days went by. I wasn’t craving the drugs as much anymore and, according to the doctors, I was totally clean now. I didn’t feel clean, though. And that was the worst part. I felt dirty. Tainted. No good.
There was a knock on the door and the agent who saved me came in. Agent Hill. He was an older guy, who looked like he’s seen a thing or two in his time. But, then again, haven’t we all?
“Feeling better?”
I nodded.
“Good. You had us worried for a while.”
I moistened my dry lips before asking, “Is he dead?”
“He’s gone.”
I fell back against the pillows and cried for the first time in longer than I could remember. I was finally safe. And free. Two things I never thought I’d live to see.
“We’re going to get you away from this mess, so you can have a fresh start, but you have to promise me something.”
“Anything.”
“Stay out of trouble.” He paused. “And one day maybe you can repay me by helping me out.”
I nodded, brushing away my tears. “I promise.”
“Olivia? Do you remember that day?”
I shove the thought away and nod when he raises an eyebrow in my direction. This is a man who’s used to people answering him right away, and I can see it annoys him that I haven’t. I think I like annoying him.
But I say, “I remember.”
“Good. I’m here to collect on that favor you owe me.”
“What kind of favor?”
He smiles, but it’s not warm this time. In fact, it makes me want to run from this place I so foolishly thought I was safe. I should have fucking known better than to trust him.
“Why don’t you come with me and I’ll explain everything.”
He takes me to the Panera Bread on campus and buys me my favorite salad without having to ask what I want. I know this isn’t coincidence. Glancing out the window, I see a black SUV parked across the street. The same SUV that’s been there for weeks now. I guess I was too naïve to realize what it meant.
When we sit, he’s silent as I eat. Finally, I put the fork down. I can’t handle this charade any longer.
“You mentioned a favor?” I swallow. “What did you have in mind?”
My stomach cramps as I wait for him to answer. What if it’s something I’m not prepared to give? What then?
“You can get that look off your face, Olivia. I’m not asking you to do anything like that.”