When I thought I had my shit under control again, I shoved my feet back into my shoes, squared my shoulders and adopted a lazy stride as I reentered our room. I came to a grinding halt when I walked in and found Noah standing by the closet, bent over his luggage, wearing nothing but a white towel tied around his waist.
At the sound of the door, Noah jolted upright, straightening his back. His cheeks were flushed, and I wondered if it had more to do with me than it did the heat of the shower. Maybe both.
"Why am I not surprised you’ve found the fitness center?" His gaze dropped to my sweaty outfit, hopefully missing the outline of my semi that just wouldn’t quit.
Avoiding his eyes, I headed for my own suitcase. "I may have a week off from practice, but Coach would have my ass if he found out I’d sat around the whole time."
"You sound weird. Everything okay? Did you push too hard?"
When I finally glanced at him, finding concern etched in his features, guilt rushed through me. "I'm good. I just need to shower before I get ready."
"Good. You smell." He wrinkled his nose and bent back over, rifling through his clothes.
Any other time, I would have come back with a smart-ass response. But with hints of his toned ass on display through the towel, my tongue was glued to the roof of my mouth. It was going to take a lot more than the freezing snow to cool the fire burning in my veins.
"Mom messaged," he continued, oblivious to my stare. "We meet for breakfast in thirty minutes."
"I'll be quick." I finally tore my gaze away and grabbed a clean pair of jeans, long-sleeved thermal shirt and boxers before locking myself in the bathroom.
Disbelief still spiraled in my thoughts. While it made sense that he'd keep any attraction he felt toward me under wraps, because as far as he knew I'd never had a single dirty thought about him, I couldn’t help but wonder again what would have happened if either of us would have made a move to take things further four years ago when I’d kissed him. If it would have been me sinking inside him for the first time, instead of another man. A rush of jealousy poured into my bloodstream. He should have been mine. All this time.
I turned the water on and stepped beneath the spray, sagging against the tiled wall and rubbed my eyes.
But maybe that's all I would’ve been—best friends with benefits—and that ugly thought settled into my gut like a boulder that made me nauseated. I wasn’t ready to face what I’d felt back then. Hell, I was just now realizing what that kiss had meant. I was so stupid.
Maybe it was for the best he'd never told me. All of these thoughts confirmed what I'd already suspected at times but had repeatedly forced away. I wasn’t straight. I wanted Noah. Bad. But I wasn't sure it was worth it if I was just a body he’d use to get off.
Fuck. Pain ricocheted in my chest, and my cock had softened while I’d considered the possibilities and ramifications of telling Noah the truth. So, I did what I always had. I ignored it.
I rushed through the rest of my shower, scrubbing harder than necessary, needing the rough distraction.
When I came out Noah was dressed and sitting on the bed, scrolling through his phone. He glanced up when he heard me. "Quick my ass."
Sorry, Noah. You've thoroughly fucked with my head. Of course, I didn't say that out loud. "Quit whining. Let's go be miserable and hope we don't fall to our deaths."
“So dramatic.” His lips twitched. "The snow is thick. I’m sure we’d survive the fall."
“I hate you,” I growled, and his deep laugh settled my nerves. We’d be okay. He never needed to know what I’d heard.
Lies were stacking up, and now I was doing a lot more pretending than just dating Noah. I had to act like my world hadn’t been shaken to the core. If I wasn’t careful, the whole thing would blow up in our faces.
The lobby was full of wedding guests, dressed in snow pants and heavy jackets to battle the cold. Once we’d finished breakfast, Noah and I had changed into our own gear and the bulky material was already driving me crazy.
I swore his mom had a special radar for when Noah and I entered rooms. Decked out in a white puffy ensemble, she headed our way with a bright smile. As she approached, I remembered the part I was supposed to play and reached over to grab Noah’s hand, hooking our fingers together.
He noticeably stiffened at my side, and I grunted a warning. Noah relaxed, but not enough to convince me or anyone else who cared to pay attention that we were the real deal.
“You boys ready?” she asked, studying us and frowning at Noah.
“Super excited,” I replied, earning a reluctant laugh from my best friend slash boyfriend. Fake boyfriend. I repeated the phrase in my head a few more times for good measure.
“Good. We’ll be heading out in just a minute. I need to run upstairs and grab my camera, so I’ll see you guys out there.” She squeezed Noah’s shoulder as she passed by.
The minute I lost sight of her in the crowd, I dragged Noah out into the hall and pushed him into a small alcove, out of sight from anyone who wandered into the corridor.
“What the hell, Rook?” he whisper-shouted as he spun around to face me.
Crossing my arms, I hissed back, “Could you be any less convincing? You stiffened the second I grabbed your hand.”
Noah sighed as the fight drained out of him. “It was just a reaction.”
“One you need to control if you want to pull this off.”
"Suddenly you’re the relationship expert?" he bit out with a scowl.
Voices carried down the hall, so I lowered my voice and dipped closer to his ear. His breathing stuttered, and I fought the reaction it triggered. Was he affected by my closeness? Was I going to question his every move now, trying to find and decipher meaning in everything he said and did?
“That’s not what I said. You need to relax and take a deep breath before you hyperventilate." My lips kicked up on the side. I expected the shove, but I didn’t anticipate losing my balance. Not thinking, I reached out and grabbed onto his thick sleeve. My back slammed against the opposite wall, and the force sent Noah crashing into my chest.
Pressed against each other, our lips were close enough that his breath mingled with mine. I glanced down, staring at his mouth.
Noah licked his lips, and his voice shook. “Rook?”
Want, hot and desperate, drowned the whispered warning telling me to abort before it was too late. Lowering my head, I paused just before our lips touched. “Noah—”
Ice blue eyes locked on mine, he didn’t stop me as I closed the gap. Noah’s lips were perfect, and I nipped the lower one. When he gasped, a spike of need zapped down my spine. I groaned and licked the seam of his lips. On a quiet moan, his mouth parted, and I took the opening, slipping my tongue inside and brushing his with a leisurely stroke. Noah shook in my arms as his hands gripped my coat. Holding still, he let me explore his mouth. Just as he caved and took control of the kiss, someone cleared their throat.
Breaking the kiss, I jerked my head around, catching sight of Kendra. She grinned, but her cheeks were flushed. “Sorry to interrupt, guys. But your mom's looking for you, Noah. You two are riding with her and James, and they’re ready to go.”
“We’re on our way,” I answered, and she gave a quick nod. When I glanced back at Noah, he was staring at me with a question in his eyes. Clearing my throat, I loosened my grip, and he pulled away. “Noah, I’m sorry…”