The morning air was crisp, and Rook shivered next to me as we huddled beneath the bright red-and-black plaid wool blanket we shared. We both carried hot chocolate in large red thermoses with the Eagle’s Nest Lodge name and logo emblazoned on the side. The rich scent mingled with the steam that hit my nose.
This morning had been filled with tension as we'd readied to leave, and I was tired of the cold shoulder. I didn't understand why he was acting standoffish. Well, that wasn't true, but Rook had to know I'd made a good point last night.
Rook had kissed me. He'd touched me. And I’d bet my last breath, he’d wanted to fuck me. But then what?
Whatever was happening between us would end the moment we stepped out of the plane back home in two days. Maybe sooner when whatever curiosity he was entertaining was out of his system.
For me it would be different. If anything, it had been a brief fantasy come to life, and now I was going to have to live with the consequences of a broken heart no matter what happened. I'd gotten the slightest taste of what life might be like if he loved me back. Fuck. What had I been thinking?
Like I'd told him last night, he wasn't gay and maybe he'd regret it too. Maybe he already did, and that was why he was so damn moody. We needed to add more rules when we got back to our room.
The sleigh rocked, jerking me out of the emotional chaos weighing heavy on my heart.
"Hi, boys." My mom grinned as she and James climbed in and claimed the bench in front of us.
Not wanting to run the risk of raising her suspicion, I leaned against Rook who wasn't shaking as hard as he had been when we'd taken our seats. I smiled back. "Morning. You look excited."
She beamed. "Thrilled. I've been looking forward to this since Kendra told me about it. I know you two aren't fans of the snow, so thank you for coming."
"Wouldn't miss it," Rook answered while wrapping an arm covered by a thick puffy jacket over my shoulder. He tipped his steaming cup toward her. "This helps."
She held hers up, and they tapped them together. "Cheers. I hope we see deer, but bears, not so much."
"Agreed," I said and we all laughed, including James, which surprised me. I wasn't sure I'd ever heard him laugh before.
The driver boarded and took the reins.
"Here we go." My mom squealed.
When James wrapped an arm around her and looked at her with affection, I remained mute, afraid I'd ruin the moment when she looked so happy. It was the most emotion I'd ever seen from the man. To get an unguarded glimpse of how James must be when he wasn't uncomfortable was nice. My mom deserved the world after what she'd been through.
The sleigh lurched forward, and the wind immediately chilled my bones. Rook scooted closer until we were pressed together, sharing body heat to get through the experience.
The horses moved into a formation that seemed familiar to them with their hooves creating a rhythmic background for the slide of the rails the sleighs were mounted to. We all coasted single file along a path of powdery, undisturbed snow that had fallen overnight, taking in what were undoubtedly amazing views of the landscape and wildlife.
Rook's teeth chattered, and I glanced at him. Even through his bronzed skin, his cheeks were ruddy and lips pale. He was truly making himself uncomfortable for my family, who was in a way, his too.
My heart thumped heavily. Fuck, I wanted this to be real. I wanted to kiss those lips that found the hole in the lid as he tipped his head back, practically guzzling the creamy drink and likely burning his tongue.
Feeling bad for him, and selfishly stealing his warmth, I buried myself against his side, resting my head on his shoulder. He tensed briefly before his arm tightened around me.
"Cold?" he whispered.
I peered up at him. "Probably not suffering as much as you are."
"I'm fine," he lied, and we shared a grin. Hope lit my spirit until the smile on his face faded and his brow furrowed. He looked away, and I sighed as the spark fizzled.
The scenery was beautiful. Evergreens dotted the otherwise white landscape that framed a clear view of the mountain peaks. The distinctive smell of pine and spruce trees floated by as we slid past them.
Excited chatter came from my mom and those riding the sleighs closest to us. Meanwhile, I could barely pay attention to the highlights of the trip.
Even when my mom got the glimpse she'd wanted of the Mule Deer with comically large ears and impressive antlers it hadn’t yet shed for the year, I couldn't feign enthusiasm.
Rook didn't say another word. And when we slowed to a stop once the ride was over, he simply climbed down and silently waited for me.
We'd made a mistake, and I wasn't sure we could recover from it. Maybe I'd lost my best friend.
All of the insecurities I'd suffered in middle school roared back, feeding my misery. As we climbed out and headed inside to get ready for the rehearsal, I sucked in deep breaths, willing away the doomed ache in my chest.
ROOK
While Noah had joined the wedding party for a practice run-through, I'd headed for the fitness center to make up for the workout I'd missed this morning.
I pushed myself harder than I normally would. When I was lifting weights, I grasped the smooth metal bars and lost myself in the curl and lift. Then the treadmill hummed as I ran faster and farther until my body said enough. But the burn in my muscles, and the mental energy it took to accomplish the added work, provided a much-needed distraction.
The reprieve hadn’t lasted long, and as I stepped out of the shower, grabbing a white towel and closing the glass door, he was all I could think about. I wiped the steam away from the mirror and peered at my reflection. How was it possible to look completely normal and be so twisted up inside?
Noah would be done soon, and I honestly wasn't ready to face him. Not until I could convince myself he'd been right in stopping what had happened in that sauna. Not until I believed the words he'd spoken.
A mistake. It hadn't felt like a fucking mistake. Which led me to believe I was part of a one-sided, rapidly evolving shift in our friendship. Everything had changed so fast. But at the same time, nothing had changed. I wasn't sure what label to slap on the tightening of my chest when I thought of Noah. What I did know was that I was an idiot.
How long had I refused to believe what we had ran deeper than friendship? And how the fuck did I go back to pretending he was nothing more than my best friend?
Fake boyfriends.
Real unrequited love?
As I dried off with the towel, I shook my head. Was that what this god-awful torture was?
Either way it was a fucking disaster waiting to happen.
If I was going to get through the rest of the evening, I needed a beer. So, I quickly dressed in a pair of faded jeans and a white thermal shirt. After I slipped on my shoes, I grabbed my keycard, phone and wallet before I made my way down to the bar.
As I slid onto a bar stool right at the bar, a girl I hadn't seen working there before sidled over. Her red hair was short and angled, following her gentle jawline. Her nose was small and she had brown doe eyes surrounded by thick, dark eyelashes.
Berry pink lips split into a smile I was too familiar with. I was not in the mood to be hit on. Unless she somehow became Noah.
"What can I get you?" She leaned forward, crossing her arms on the smooth wood top, attempting to give me a view of her cleavage. Big tits or small—I wouldn't know because I had zero interest in finding out.