I smile. “Deal.”
She hands me the bag of chocolates. I reach inside, searching for one of the remaining pieces, when my fingertips feel something else—paper.
I look inside and see it: another paper heart.
Oh my God. How on earth did that get in there? I think, but Ashley doesn’t seem to notice. Suddenly, there’s a loud chime from the doorbell.
“That’s been ringing a lot lately.” Ashley smiles.
“Yeah, well, it’s not for me this time,” I say confidently. Neither Pete nor Andy would want to see me after that fiasco.
“I’ll get it since you’re in your robe,” she says, getting up and leaving me alone on her bed. As she heads downstairs, I debate opening the paper heart while she’s gone, until I hear Ashley shout.
“Ella, it’s for you!”
“Coming!” I yell back right away, but I’m startled. Who could it possibly be?
I rush to my room and throw on the first yoga pants and T-shirt I can find. When I make my way down the stairs, I see Pete standing at the doorway. He’s not smiling like he was the times he greeted me for our past two dates. In fact, he looks like I think he would’ve looked if we’d lost that chocolate competition. This can’t be good.
“What’s up?” I ask. As I do, Ashley disappears into the other room.
Pete shifts uncomfortably. “I was going to text you, but you and I both know that you’re not the best responder.”
Ouch.
“That’s not fair—” I start, but I’m cut off.
“I didn’t come here to argue. I just came here to find out why.”
“Why what?”
He looks down at his sneakers for a second, then back up at me. “Why you never look at me like you looked at Andy today. I may use Sparknotes, but I’m not dumb, Ella. I…just…I just want to know why.”
I sigh. Of course he wants to know why. He’s Pete Yearling. He always gets what he wants. But now the one thing he wants is me, and even I don’t know why I don’t want him back. So that’s what I tell him.
“I don’t know,” I start to say. “It’s not you at all. It’s me and all the stupid thoughts that go in my head. When we’re together, all I can think about is why I’m not happier. You’re so sweet and so perfect, but I just…can’t bring myself to feel—”
“The same way that I feel about you.”
I pause. “How did you know I was going to say that?”
For a moment, there are tears shining in his eyes, but he brushes them away. “Because that’s exactly what you told me before the accident. Right before you told me your heart just wasn’t in it.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, because there’s nothing else I can say.
He shakes his head. “You don’t have to be….I should go. Sorry for bothering you.”
“You don’t have to be,” I say, repeating his words.
The tears in his eyes are back and I feel like I should hug him or something, but he quickly turns and heads out the door. As it shuts, Ashley returns to the room. I can’t tell if she’s been listening the whole time. Before I can ask, she looks at me. “Now there’s someone else you need to talk to.”
* * *
We drive to the library, my unopened paper heart tucked into my jean pocket. Whether it’s from Pete or someone else doesn’t seem to matter now. What matters is talking to Andy.
But what exactly am I going to say?
Obviously, that I enjoyed spending time with him, but what else? If he’s already talking to Sarah, it won’t matter. It’ll be too late. Andy and Sarah actually have stuff in common. They both work at the library, love books, and more than that, love being right. They wouldn’t exactly be a random couple. Maybe they’d even be a good one. I sigh.
Why was I even going to go talk to him, again?
“We should turn around,” I say to Ashley in the driver seat.
“Why?” she snaps.
“Because I want to. And you have to listen to me. I don’t question your decisions with Steve.”
“See, you always bring Steve into it,” Ashley says, rolling her eyes. “I’m not getting into it but if you don’t go to the library, you’re a big baby.”
“I’m fine with that,” I say automatically. “Besides, aren’t you supposed to fall in love, not chase it?”
“You’re not chasing him. You’re telling him that you enjoy spending time with him in case there was some sort of misunderstanding.”
I take in a deep breath. “Okay. I can do that.”
“Of course you can.”
“Of course I can,” I repeat, but I know I don’t believe it. “Maybe I can just ask him to go on my next paper heart hunt with me?” I ask as we’re pulling into the library parking lot.
“That’s not a bad idea,” Ashley says. “If he says no, you’ll have your answer.”
I gulp. She’s right. If Andy says no, it means he and Sarah are practically dating and he feels guilty. Or even worse, he has no real reason and just doesn’t want to.
It would hurt either way.
“You’ve got this,” Ashley says.
I’m not so sure. All I’ve got is some major things happening to my stomach…and it’s not butterflies. Why am I so nervous? I shake my head. I just have to play it cool. For all he knows, I’m still totally invested in these paper hearts.
“A hug for good luck,” Ashley says, grabbing me and pulling me into her big puffer jacket. It makes me smile. My mom used to do that on mornings when we missed our bus and had to get dropped off at school. Normally, it was because something stressful had happened to ruin the morning routine—one of us had forgotten to do our homework or spilled OJ all over our clothes, or some other equally chaotic mess-up. Mom always knew when I was already feeling frazzled to take a deep breath and give me a tight little hug. It lasted only a few seconds, but it always stopped time for me, and her squeezing me would squeeze out all my stress.
Now I realize that Ashley inherited that talent. When she releases me, I’m ready to take on the world, or at least walk into the library without crumbling.
I slide out of the car and make my way to the door quickly before I lose my confidence again.
But when I walk inside, I’m instantly deflated, because I forgot the one worst possible thing that could happen.