My heart stopped beating. Was the conversation moving in the direction I thought it was, or would it take a sharp turn and send my emotions reeling backward?
“Well, we have been together a lot since Benji’s attack,” I offered, allowing him an opportunity to rephrase his words.
“We have, and I’ve loved every minute of it. But maybe this isn’t the time. You’ve just learned how messed up I really am.” His chest moved with his deep breath while he glanced out the kitchen window behind him.
“Don’t. Don’t shut me out. We both have a shitty past.” Although I didn’t want to push him to finish, I needed to know where we were going, or if there was a we at all. But more importantly, what do I want?
The timer on the dryer buzzed loudly. “I’ll get your clothes so you can get dressed.” I slipped off my barstool and opened the hallway closet doors. “They’re nice and warm.” My heart sank a little as I returned Layne’s shirt and jeans to him. He’d been about to say something important. “The bathroom is next to my bedroom, where you were sleeping.”
Layne nodded, and his hand grazed mine while he collected his clothes. He walked out of the kitchen.
My palm immediately smacked my forehead. Had Layne been serious about not regretting the kiss, or was he still drunk? I absentmindedly put the remaining pizza in the fridge and turned toward the dishes in the sink. I turned on the water and began to rinse the bowls and plates, then loaded them into the dishwasher.
Dammit, my mind was running rampant. I needed an explanation, but I wasn’t sure I would get it tonight. It was a shame I couldn’t mind-meld like Spock.
“Thanks for drying my clothes,” Layne said, returning to the kitchen a few minutes later, fully dressed.
“You’re welcome. I hope you’re not mad that I removed them. I just didn’t want you to get sick. And honestly, I thought you’d be passed out all night.”
He slid onto the barstool again. “You’d think.”
I dried my hands off on a rooster towel and faced him. “Is the devastation from the tornado the reason why you’re in Spokane?” I asked, not beating around the bush.
“Yeah. My parents figured it would be good to move me to a new environment. Everywhere I looked, I saw Nicole and Chloe. I couldn’t heal. I won't ever be able to fully let Nicole go, but at least here I can have a chance at a life again.”
I fought the urge to throw my arms around him and tell him it would be okay. I couldn’t promise him that, though.
A wistful expression flickered across his face. “I’m really sorry you had to deal with all of that tonight. I’m sure you have better things to do.”
I didn’t, but I would never admit that learning what was behind the moments of agony that materialized in his eyes had pushed me over the edge. I finally understood what was haunting him. And I was finding myself overwhelmed with my feelings for him. The harder I fought it, the faster they pulled me under.
“These last several weeks have meant a lot to me, Ten. You mean a lot to me. It’s the first time in three years I thought I might be able to be happy again, to move on.”
Shit. With me?
“I’m just putting it on the table because you know everything now.” He stood, closed the gap between us, and gently rubbed my arms. Goosebumps peppered my flesh. “I’m falling for you. Hard. This is my heart, Tensley. It’s fragile and a bit fucked up, but you’re in my head every second of the day. I count the minutes until I see your smile again or hear your voice. Every moment we’re together, I fight not to kiss you. Hopefully I didn’t screw my chances up tonight. It wasn’t on my radar for you to find me sloppy drunk and learn about my past. I’d planned on telling you at some point, but you’re still healing physically. Not to mention, your heart is hurting for your best friend.”
I blinked rapidly, trying to digest everything he’d said. I honest-to-God didn’t know what to say now that it was all out in the open. It was one thing to dream about being with a guy, but something totally different when he was standing close to you, spilling his guts. At least I didn’t have to guess any longer. I was clear on his feelings. But am I clear on mine? I’d never dated anyone. The only time I’d had sex was to get something I needed … or when I was raped. Attempting a normal relationship hadn’t been anywhere on my radar.
Layne’s thumb gently stroked my cheek. “Did I say too much?”
“No,” I croaked, my voice betraying my wobbly nerves.
His eyes dropped to my mouth, his tongue darting across his bottom lip. “Did I ruin any chance with you?”
Oh God. I wanted that tongue on my body. I wanted to kiss those beautiful lips, and my hormones were kicking into overdrive, cheering me on. I was a goner, and I knew it, but I was terrified at the same time. “No. I understand. I just don’t want you to blame yourself for Nicole and Chloe. It wasn’t your fault, Layne.” Tears pricked the backs of my eyes.
“Can I kiss you? I need one that I can remember. I need something good to hold on to after all the hell.”
I nodded, unable to form words. Layne tilted my chin up with his finger, and my legs trembled with anticipation. This was different than him kissing me earlier. He wasn’t drunk, and he knew who I was.
“I’ve thought about this so many times.” His lips grazed the corner of my mouth, and a small whimper escaped me. “You’re so beautiful.” He closed the gap between us, leaning his hips into mine as he pinned me against the kitchen counter. He feathered kisses on the sensitive spot of my neck. His lips brushed across mine, and a soft moan slipped from his throat.
I threaded my fingers through the belt loops on his jeans. I needed something to hold onto or my hands would roam all over him. He would be out of his clothes in no time.
His mouth parted slightly, and his tongue caressed mine. Desire flamed through me as he deepened our kiss.
Breaking away from him, I took his hand. “Let’s go,” I whispered, guiding him out of the kitchen and down the hall to my bedroom. I shut and locked the door behind us in case Avery came home.
Layne wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me to him. His mouth crashed down on mine, and my body turned to Jell-O. Jesus, can he kiss. No one had ever reduced me to a hormonal puddle like he was at that moment.
I backed him up to my bed and gave him a little push, then smiled as he toppled backward onto my mattress. I straddled him while his hands cupped my ass cheeks. In the back of my mind, I wondered if I would have been willing to sleep with him if I hadn’t seen him naked a few hours ago. But who cared? All I wanted was him inside me. For the first time, I wanted to have sex, to make someone feel good, to share an intimate experience on a different level because I cared about him.
Layne rolled over, flipping me onto my back. He sat on his heels and his gaze raked over me. My core throbbed with need. Any logical reasoning for not sleeping with him had flown out the window the minute he’d kissed me in the kitchen.
I sat up, tugged my T-shirt over my head, and tossed it on the floor. I’d nearly forgotten he’d seen me shirtless already.
“I want you so much I’m hurting.” He flipped open the button on his jeans and unzipped them just enough to allow himself some room. “But not tonight.”