“Yeah,” I squeaked. Little did she know that Layne wasn’t the worst of it, not even close. “I-I shouldn’t let him get to me like that.” But it wasn’t just him. It was the onslaught of memories from my last year in high school, including the fat slob of a foster father who felt it was his right to crawl into my bed every night. The memory of his slimy touch slithered over my skin, and I leaned forward, heaving again.
Avery rested her hand on my back. “I’m here. It’s okay.”
My hair hung over my face, hiding the tear that had escaped down my cheek. My mom had never helped me like Avery was. I placed my arm on the toilet seat and propped my head against it.
Avery’s phone vibrated, and she pulled it out of her navy Tory Burch bag. “Benji is warming up the car. He got our food to go. I’ll just text him back that you’re sick and we’ll be out in a few.”
I nodded, too weak to give a shit, but I didn’t want to puke in his Lexus either. “Sorry,” I muttered.
“Girl, please. I’m just sorry you went through hell. Whatever happened, I hope you can find some peace. I know how crappy it is when something in your past haunts you. No one should ever be able to fuck you up like that. You’re one of the strongest people I know.”
I wished she were right. I wasn’t strong at all. I’d just lived a lot of life, and if I wanted to stay alive, I had to be smart about it. I had to slide under the radar and out of sight.
Taking a deep breath, I leaned back against the wall, and my stomach began to settle down. “Can you peek in the restaurant and see if Layne is around? If the coast is clear, I’ll wash my face and we can make a run for it.” I sounded like a coward. Maybe that was because I was a coward. My head hung in shame over the fact that some guy could shake me up to such a degree, but maybe it wasn’t just him.
The creak of the bathroom door broke my thoughts, and I stood slowly, willing my stomach to stop rebelling.
“It’s clear. I don’t see him anywhere.”
I hurried to the sink, washed my face, then joined Avery.
Avery looped her arm in mine and held my hand. “You’ve got this.”
I kept my focus trained on the exit as we briskly walked through the restaurant. The chilly night air greeted me, and we made a beeline for Benji’s Lexus.
“Victoria! Wait!”
A lump lodged itself in my throat, but I didn’t turn around. Goosebumps peppered my skin at the sound of Layne’s voice, but I kept going.
“Victoria?” Avery asked in a hushed tone. “Why in the hell is he calling you Victoria? Tensley, he must think you’re someone else.”
My only response was silence. Oh my fucking goodness, there was a God. And for one brief second, He smiled down on me. Relief washed through me as we reached Benji’s car, and I slid into the back seat. I lay down and let the soft leather cool my overheated cheek.
“Are you still sick to your stomach?” Avery asked.
“No,” I managed.
“Girl, I love you tons, but no puking in this bitch,” Benji warned. “If you gotta hurl, I’m happy to pull over and just slide you off the seat, out of the vehicle, and onto some grass.”
Although I felt like shit, I laughed. Leave it to Benji to make a bad situation funny. He was serious, though. I’d seen him move double time to get someone out of the Lexus before they vomited.
Avery peeked around the front seat at me, her eyes sympathizing with my predicament. “Tensley, he thinks you’re someone else, hon. It’s all right.”
I slowly released a pent-up breath and put both hands over my face in an attempt to still my spinning head, but it wasn’t because of the alcohol. It had been a long time since I’d heard my real name. Victoria Alison Benton. Not even Benji and Avery knew me by that name. I’d left that girl behind when I moved to Spokane from Little Rock. When Layne had called out to me, my heart had pounded against my chest like an angry buffalo stampede. What in the hell am I going to do? I wondered if he was just visiting or if he was there to stay and make my life miserable.
After I was placed in foster care, I’d quickly picked up a skill that still served me well—hiding. Fortunately, I had been a small kid at twelve and could squeeze into tight spaces. Before long, I’d learned to fold myself up in the back of a closet and cover up with shoes or dirty clothes.
Although I had privacy and my own room in the three-bedroom house I shared with Benji and Avery, when I was overwhelmed, I would curl into a fetal position and squish myself against the wall and into the corner of my queen bed.
Even though it was sparsely furnished with a secondhand, petite, light-green dresser and nightstand with chipped paint, the room was mine, and I preferred only a few things in my space.
I wished I could have told Avery and Benji everything, but I couldn’t. Instead, the mental images had come rushing up from the center of my being and landed noisily in the toilet. Seeing Layne and hearing my real name roll off his tongue had jarred me back into a darkness that still had its claws hooked deep inside my soul.
A small cry slipped from my lips as I rocked myself and struggled to block out the memories.
A light knock sounded at my door, and I immediately stilled.
“Tensley.” The hall light filtered through the crack as Benji peered into my room. “Babe?”
For whatever reason, Benji had referred to me as babe since we’d met. He wasn’t bisexual, and there had never been anything between us but a deep friendship. Although he was probably the most intimate relationship I’d had, I had never told him about much of my past, only the need-to-know items, like the fact that I’d spent several years in foster care.
“Yeah?” My voice faltered, revealing the vulnerability that had swelled up inside my chest.
“Are you all right?” The door quietly clicked closed behind him, and he moved toward me in the semidarkness. He’d already changed into plaid pajama bottoms and no shirt. The moonlight peered through my window, illuminating his silhouette. He almost appeared angelic … almost.
I uncurled my body and stretched my legs out in my bed. “Would you believe me if I told you I was?” Adjusting my sleep tank and shorts, I moved my oversized Minion pillow and patted the available space next to me.
“I don’t think so.” Benji crawled under the blanket while I remained on top. “I know you’re super quiet about your past, but babe, what happened tonight?” He took my hand in his. “Talk to me.”
I hesitated, and a long silence filled the room. “I’m not sure I can.” I blinked back tears as I peered into my bestie’s concerned eyes. If only he were straight. Benji would be the guy for me. Or maybe he was safe because I knew the intimacy between us could only go so far.
He plumped up the pillow on his side and got comfortable. “Did you move here from Arkansas for more reasons than just college?”
I internally cringed. “Yeah.” He would definitely want to know more.
“Why? Like, do people in Arkansas even know where Washington state is?” He snickered at his own joke.
“Apparently a few of us do.” I squeezed my eyes closed, hoping that I could wish the lousy situation away. “I have no idea why Layne is here, but I needed a fresh start. I mean, I’ve told you I was in foster homes until I graduated. After that, I was on my own, and all I knew was that I had to get out of there. I needed to be around people who hadn’t formed an inaccurate opinion of me. I no longer wanted to be that kid, the foster kid who smelled and showed up to school in the same set of clothes all week, with tangled hair.”