Pia set her glass down, leaning forward so her head was in her hands. "I don't know what to think," she said.
Zoey stood, maneuvering around the coffee table between them. She knelt between Pia's knees, as though she was begging.
"You know me," Zoey said, her eyes large and pleading.
Pia stiffened, leaning back, wary.
"I came here because I don't know what the whole sexuality thing is all about, but I do know that I want to be with you. I want to really try to make this work. I want an us. As far out of the spotlight as you need. And then, when we're ready, we can figure out all the premieres and parties," Zoey said, tears welling in her eyes. She stared up at Pia, her hands resting on Pia's knees.
Pia didn't know what to say. How could she say yes? And how could Zoey waltz in there and think things were going to just work out like some fairy tale?
Pia scrubbed her hands over her face.
How could Zoey not see that everything had changed? Because of her mistake, everything had changed.
Zoey tugged Pia's hands down, holding them in her own.
"Say something," Zoey said, her brow creasing in worry.
"What do you want me to say?" Pia whispered, unable to stop herself from lacing her fingers through Zoey's.
Zoey squeezed her eyes shut. "I want you to say you feel the same way," she said.
"It's not that simple," Pia said, her throat tight and thick as she felt the beginnings of her own tears sting behind her eyes.
"It is," Zoey said, her voice cracking as opening her glossy eyes again as tears began to trail over her cheeks.
"I don't know," Pia wavered. Her entire body hummed with the nearness of Zoey. Every single part of her wanted to lean forward, to wrap Zoey up, and to tell her yes.
But that was before.
And now, Pia didn't know what to believe.
Even if she had pursued Zoey — and she absolutely had — the woman could have found her own advantage in it.
"Why now?" Pia asked, her voice barely audible. "Yesterday, you were definitively claiming you weren't gay, and now you want to be with me?"
Zoey shook her head, pulling their hands to her chest. "I know it doesn't make sense, but I'm trying not to overanalyze it. I want what I want," she said.
"But how can I be sure you won't regret this?" Pia asked, sniffling and wiping at her eyes.
Zoey reached up, cupping Pia's hands in her face. "You used to trust me," she said.
"I want to, but..." Pia's voice trailed off.
But she was terrified.
Nothing compared to the feeling of having her heart ripped out before, after Elle's death. She had taken years and years to sew up the hole in her chest. And then she had already ripped open the stitches so readily for Zoey, but for weeks Zoey had left a gaping hole in her chest by asserting that they were just friends.
It was Pia's own damn fault.
Zoey moved on her knees, pressing her forehead to Pia's. "I can't lose you," she said, her voice strained.
Maybe it was the nearness. Maybe it was the wish that everything was different.
Maybe it was the hope that everything Zoey was saying would work out.
Maybe it was the acceptance that it wouldn't.
Whatever it was, when Zoey leaned in to brush her lips over Pia's, she couldn't fight the sheer need that consumed her.
They had incredible chemistry, and their kisses had always shown that. Possessive kisses, playful kisses, kisses that lasted for hours...
But this was an entirely different type of kiss.
And by Zoey's reaction, she felt it, too.
Yet...
Zoey wound her arms around Pia's neck, and Pia held Zoey as she leaned forward until they were both lying on the rug.
Zoey's hands on her, once a familiar and welcome feeling, were frantic as they pulled off Pia's shirt. Pia reached up Zoey's skirt, not even bothering to remove her underwear before touching her, desperate to get back what they once had, desperate to stave off the loss of it.
Zoey's hips rose to welcome her touch and Pia barely broke contact with her to remove her shirt.
She lay down beside her as Zoey tugged down her pants, and they were rapidly naked in a flurry of limbs and clothing.
"I need you," Zoey whispered, pulling Pia closer to her.
Pia entwined their legs, pushing her thigh between Zoey's. She needed that complete connection. She needed Zoey's entire body against hers, she needed to use Zoey's body for her own pleasure, and to have Zoey use hers, too.
It was fucked up, but in her urgent and desperate need, it was all she had.
Confusion, then recognition dawned on Zoey's face as their hips began to move against one another's thighs. Pia had both arms wrapped around Zoey, holding her tightly, their entire bodies together in contact.
"Pia, please," Zoey begged, her arm tightening around Pia as she pressed urgent, biting kisses over Pia's jaw and neck.
Pia found her release, and soon after, Zoey shattered around her, her cries and moans echoing through the house.
The moment Zoey came back to earth, Pia's chest clenched in regret.
What had she done?
What the hell was she thinking?
Was that the last time she’d hear Zoey’s moans of pleasure?
"I know what that was," Zoey whispered, sniffling again, her head tucked beneath Pia's chin as they both came back to earth.
Pia swallowed hard, not answering her.
Freya's warnings, Eva's threats, and Kelly's conspiracies came racing back into her mind.
Why in the world had she just complicated everything by having sex with Zoey one last time? What was it about Zoey that drove all logical thought right out the door in favor of a moment of pleasure?
Regret clawed at her throat from the inside and she pressed her lips into a thin line to avoid giving in to the sobs that threatened to rack her body.
"I can't be that for you," she said finally, her voice slicing the silence between them like a knife.
"You can, but you won't," Zoey said softly, pushing up onto her elbow.
"No, I won't. Not right now," Pia said.
"'Not right now?'" Zoey repeated, as though the words felt funny in her mouth. "What does that even mean?"
"It means I think it's best if we don't see each other again," Pia said, maintaining her voice clearly.
Zoey looked as though Pia had just slapped her across the face. "You fuck me on the floor and then tell me to leave and not call you again?"
She needed Zoey to leave. To leave her alone.
She needed space to figure it all out.
And what better way to ensure that than with one last hard, terrible push?
"Wasn't this always just about sex for us?" Pia said calmly, sitting up to pull her shirt over her head.
"No. Don't do that," Zoey said, her face darkening. "Don't say shit like that. I know you don't believe that. You're just scared."
Pia stared down at the rug between her feet, unapologetically silent.
"So, I'm going to leave. And you're going to regret saying that to me. And when you get the fuck over yourself, you know where to find me."
Zoey's tone made her very soul ache with the knowledge of how much damage she had done.
She watched Zoey get dressed and leave, the door shutting behind her.