There’s no point even trying. I’ll only embarrass myself further.
My father always said I was a silly girl.
“Dammit, Kitten, wait.” He grabs my arm, but I jerk away.
“Don’t.” I lock eyes with him and swallow around the lump in my throat. “I get it.” My glare must be sufficient as he steps back flashing his palms in surrender.
“You don’t.” He licks his bottom lip, and I just want to sink into him and find out what that lip tastes like—what he tastes like. Are his lips soft? Would he kiss me back? Would his kiss be hard and demanding or soft and giving? Would he be turned off by my inexperience?
Shit. Not the time, Reese. Get a grip.
My tormentor glances behind me, murmuring, “But this is not the place.”
Whatever is going on with us will have to wait. I’ve got bigger demons to filet. I sigh and face our audience, finding all eyes on me, except for Gabriel, glaring plague on poor Rowdy.
Cap gets everyone’s attention as I drop my purse at my feet and join the loose circle of fighters. A flash of panic sets in. I should have thought this through, figured out what I want to say before standing in front of them. I take a deep breath and blow it out. “I wanted to meet with you all to apologize—”
“You don’t owe anyone an apology,” Gabriel interrupts, his sullen scowl deep enough to cause permanent lines.
I ignore him. “—for freaking any of you out. Sometimes my crazy—”
“No one freaked,” Gabriel hisses as Rowdy growls, “You’re not crazy.”
“Oh my God, you two! Can you let me talk? This is fucking hard enough without you negating each and every word out of my mouth. Chill or leave.” I stink-eye them both, ignoring the snickers around the room. I’m sure the guys think of me as the meek girl they see slipping through the halls, trying not to be noticed. But here I am, front and center, demanding two guys who could stomp me to dust shut the fuck up.
“As I was saying, I’m sorry you had to witness my very unprofessional meltdown. I’d like to say it won’t happen again, but honestly…” I shake my head, study my shoes for a beat. “It probably will.” I meet their gazes. “It’s like PTSD—”
“It is PTSD,” Gabriel interrupts.
I merely glare at him, continuing, “I thought it might be good to open up a dialogue, give you a heads up, tell you what my triggers are and how to deal with me when I’m deep in an episode.”
“PTSD from what?”
“What happened?”
“Who hurt you?”
“We all got issues.”
The rapid-fire questions and comments catch me off guard as I try to figure out who said what.
Cap steps forward. “Why don’t you tell us what your triggers are?”
Thank you. I smile my appreciation. “Right. Triggers. Loud noises, like fireworks, gun shots, any kind of loud bang.”
“A weight rack falling over?” Jonah asks.
I nod, giving him the best smile I can muster. He tried to help me last time, and if I could have, I would have bitten his hand off when he was simply trying to comfort me. He doesn’t hold it against me.
But I do. “Yeah, a weight rack falling over would definitely do it, especially if I don’t see it coming.”
“That’s what triggered you the other day?” Cowboy asks. He’s one of the new guys who came onboard the same time as Rowdy, according to Frankie. He’s cute and also from Texas.
Maybe I have a Texas thing.
“Yeah.” I blush my response and catch Rowdy glaring daggers at Landry, a.k.a. Cowboy.
“Okay. We got loud noises,” Cap interjects. “What else?”
“Dark.” I focus on Gabriel as my throat seizes, and I try to catch my breath.
He’s in front of me in seconds. “Hey. It’s okay. Look around, it’s bright as fuck in here. Breathe, Ree.”
“Shit. You’re scared of the dark?” Sloan’s surprise matches most of their responses.
“Not crazy about the dark myself,” Jess offers up his own phobia.
I’m sure he’s not really scared of the dark like I am. He’s just being nice, taking the heat off me. I appreciate it, and it gives me the strength to take a breath.
“Yeah.” I touch Gabriel’s arm, letting him know I’m alright. “I’m not good in dark places. When I can’t see what’s coming.”
He was always there in the dark.
“Anything else?” Rowdy asks, moving the discussion along.
Of course, it would be him who asks me this one.
“Touch.” The backs of my eyes sting when he winces. I look away, not wanting to see his or any of their worried, sorrowful expressions.
“No touching Reese, guys,” Cap states what’s caught in my throat.
“Damn, okay.” I think that was Walker, but I’m too far down the rabbit hole to be sure.
Warmth envelops me. “It’s okay, Kitten. You did good.” Rowdy kisses my head as I sink into the safety of his chest.
“Hey, what the fuck? Don’t touch her!” Cowboy steps forward as if to intervene.
Gabriel stops him cold with a hand to his chest, growling, “Only he and I can touch her.”
“Well, fuck. Okay then.” Cowboy steps back.
“Reese?” Cap garners my attention.
I pull away from Rowdy and swipe at a stray tear. “Yeah, Cap.”
“If an attack happens, what do you want us to do?”
“Don’t touch her,” Gabriel and Rowdy bark in unison.
“Damn, it’s Gabriel and his Mini-me.” Jess laughs.
It is kinda funny how in sync these two are.
“Fuck off before I sic my Mini-me on you,” Gabriel taunts.
“Hey. I’m no fucking Mini-anything. I’m Rowdy, also known as Darkboy, and I’ll sic my darkness on you so fast you’ll wish I was only the devil himself,” Rowdy growls.
Gabriel holds him back.
“Whoa, calm down, there, Ponyboy.” Jess is asking for trouble.
“Darkboy,” Jonah corrects.
“Who the fuck named you Darkboy?” Landry laughs.
“Frankie.” “My Angel,” Gabriel and Rowdy answer in chorus. They’re good at that.
“Enough!” Cap, ever the ringmaster, steps into the fray. “Reese, please tell us what to do or what not to do if you have an episode.”
“There’s not much you can do.” I shrug and work on meeting each of their gazes. “If it’s dark, power outage or whatever, turn the lights on as soon as possible. Get a flashlight. If it’s a loud noise, try to stop it from happening again. But don’t, whatever you do, touch me. You can sit with me. Talk to me. Tell me it’s going to be okay. Tell me whatever set me off is over, is gone. Just talk to me, softly. Help me focus on where I am. Try to keep me in the now instead of getting lost in my head. Music sometimes helps.” The worry in Rowdy’s eyes has me glancing back to Gabriel. It pains me to say the next words, “Tell me he’s not here. He’s not coming. That I’m safe.”
“Fuck,” Gabriel sighs and runs his hand through his hair.
“Who is he?”