Chapter 1
It fucking hurts. Everything—my head, my heart, my very soul. I’ve shoved down my pain, wept until there should be nothing left inside of me. Yet, here I am. I still live. I eat, sleep, try not to cry, and continue on.
Without her.
My whole world came crashing down on me with my mother’s cancer diagnosis two years ago. Inside of those years, I’d lived a nightmare day after day, week after week, wondering when she’d be taken from me. Knowing the time we had left was slipping through our fingers like water through a sieve.
But I’d hidden my pain from her. Hidden my worry. I’d kept a bright smile on my face, showed her all the love I had in me, and cared for her needs before my own. I’d given her everything, only to have her taken from me in the end. There was never going to be a different outcome, but I’d hoped for a miracle all the same.
It’d been a foolish thing to do.
I miss her. She’s been the one constant in my life and to have her ripped away from me like this?
It sucks.
There’s no other way to put it.
And now I have to figure out how to move on without her.
Aunt Liz, my mother’s younger sister, and her husband, David, immediately agreed to take me in, as per my mother’s wishes, but I’m well aware of what a burden I will be to them. My aunt had her seventeen-year-old niece thrust upon her because her sister is dead. I can’t even imagine. My aunt and uncle aren’t yet thirty, and I feel awful for the spot they’ve been put in.
Hell, I don’t know how my own mother dealt with raising a child; she’d barely been more than a child herself when she had me.
The athletic scholarship I’ve been awarded from Rosehaven Academy, the school my mother had attended, has been a shining beacon within this storm.
Aunt Liz and Uncle David continue to talk as I shovel buttery mashed potatoes into my mouth without really tasting them. Eating is just a process these days. There’s nothing I really enjoy, because it’s hard to enjoy anything right now.
I finally tune in when I realize they are talking to me.
“Are you absolutely sure this is what you want to do, Scarlett? Rosehaven is … different.” Aunt Liz clears her throat. “I never went there, but I know from your mom’s experience the academic pressure is pretty intense, especially for scholarship students who need to maintain a certain GPA to stay.”
Uncle David snorts, stabbing at the roast beef on his plate. “Not to mention the social pressure and cliques, the bullying, the hazing ...”
I frown at him. “Be more specific.”
Aunt Liz shoots daggers from her eyes at her husband. With a sigh, she levels her gaze on me. “He’s just basing that on rumors. It’s a typical academy atmosphere, only with a wider-than-normal gap between the haves and have-nots. Super-rich kids versus scholarship kids. Roses versus Thorns.”
“Seriously? Roses and Thorns?”
“Dead serious.” She rolls her eyes. “At least that’s how it was when your mother was there. I remember her talking about how tough it was sometimes and how she was made to feel like she wasn’t good enough.”
Exasperated, my fork clatters as I drop it to my plate. “But don’t you see? The academic pressure is why I want to accept the scholarship. It’ll give me a reason to focus. A purpose.” I bite my lip hard, feeling the sting of tears gathering behind my eyes. “I want to feel closer to Mom. Rosehaven was important to her.”
My aunt takes a measured breath, and my uncle just shakes his head with his eyes closed.
“I have concerns with you attending a school like that … but if that’s what you—”
“It is,” I interrupt. “If you’re giving me the choice of River Rock High School or Rosehaven Academy, I want to take the scholarship to Rosehaven.” I shrug. “It’ll help keep my mind off of things for a while. I know my mom had some troubles there, but my plan is to blend in and just do my thing, you know?”
“You’re sure?”
“Liz, Scarlett knows her mind. She’s almost eighteen. It’ll be fine,” my uncle grunts out.
I throw an appreciative glance at him. “It’s what I want.”
I note the tightness of Aunt Liz’s features. I hope she’ll come around and support me in this, because right now it feels like she thinks I’m making the wrong decision.
“Okay, then …” She wipes her mouth and settles her gaze on her husband. “David, when do you want to show her what you brought home from work?”
My head whips to my aunt’s face, and my mouth drops open in surprise. From work? My uncle owns a car garage. He’s a mechanic.
“Come on outside with me for a minute.” He pushes his chair back from the table and stands, as does Aunt Liz.
My eyes widen. “Really? Outside?” Tell me they didn’t.
He nods and guides my aunt out the door ahead of me, his hand on the small of her back. With his head close to her ear, I can’t quite hear what he whispers to her, but I hope it’s something encouraging.
I’m sensitive to the fact that I shouldn’t be her problem. I wish I wasn’t her problem, but I see it weighing heavily on her. I hope she doesn’t break under the strain. Because for God’s sake, she lost her sister, too. The pressure to take care of me in a way her sister would approve of must be intense.
The wave of guilt that hits as I walk out the door and see a shitty old silver truck in the driveway is powerful. Damn, they are trying so hard to help me.
Uncle David runs a hand over his stubbled jawline. “I know she’s old, but she’ll still run for you. She’s got a lot of miles left on her yet.” He knocks on the hood as if to demonstrate the truck won’t fall apart on me. I’m not so sure about that. It looks like it’s older than I am. “Her name’s Ruth.”
Momentarily stunned, I say nothing. A breath finally passes from between my lips, my gaze shifting first to my aunt and then to my uncle. “You didn’t have to do this.”
“You’ve needed this a while. It’s not that we aren’t happy to drive you places, but I’m sure you’d prefer a way to get around on your own. To and from school. Out with friends. To a job, if you want one—no pressure there.” Aunt Liz grits her teeth.
I give them a smile, the biggest one I’ve mustered since Mom died. “It sure will beat riding the bus.” And really, it’s better than nothing. I’m grateful. I’ll have transportation, which is something off my aunt and uncle’s plate. “Thank you.”
Aunt Liz wraps an arm around my shoulders giving me a squeeze. “Anything for you, kid.”
I nod as I look into her eyes and see all of her worries there, plain as day. Sometimes it’s like a punch to the gut how much she looks like my mom—strawberry blonde hair, stunning pale-green eyes, a curvy figure. I have to wonder how I didn’t get those genes, too. I’m built like a stick with boobs.
I can’t say for sure if it would be harder for me or a relief to see her features reflected back at me in a mirror. My red hair, blue eyes, and thin build clearly came from my sperm donor, the ass who got my mom pregnant and then abandoned her.