And if I could survive it, I’d never feel the sting of a hockey stick or the crash of the boards again.
“I’m supposed to be the man who takes care of you.” The admission tasted foul. “But I’ll never be able to fix this.”
Clover held my gaze. “Maybe that’s because it’s not meant to be fixed. It’s meant to be lived. Without fear of the complications or repercussions. Not every problem needs a solution, Adrian. It only needs people who are willing to work it out together.”
Maybe I was a coward. Or maybe I was just selfish.
But I wouldn’t risk her any future pain.
“I don’t know what would happen if I lost you.” My whisper offered her no comfort. “You don’t know how valuable your friendship is to me. I would rather deny my feelings and live in total anguish than lose one moment as your friend.”
Clover quieted. “That’s the difference between us. I’m already in agony. And I can’t live another moment without you.”
She backed away from the truck, surrendering, permitting my escape if I took it.
I’d only ever wanted to protect Clover, even if it meant silently getting into my car, driving home, and leaving the woman I loved alone and heartbroken.
If I stayed, I’d ruin her.
If I left, I’d lose her.
But no matter what I decided, I would end up with nothing.
22
Clover
Yep.
I was pregnant.
But finding out in the bathroom of Ironfield International Airport wasn’t necessarily the way I wanted to welcome my child into the world.
To be fair, it was a nice bathroom—the clean one situated between the Burger King and Pizza Hut. Not a bad location.
So, after receiving the shock of my life, I filled up on as many greasy breadsticks as I could find…
Before throwing them all back up.
At least I could take solace in the fact that the crippling, gut-knotting nausea wasn’t guilt and misery eating away at me from the inside.
It was just a baby—with cosmically terrible timing.
Nothing like finally taking the test, seeing the word pregnant, and feeling that joy…all while knowing the father of my baby was adamantly opposed to pursuing a relationship with me even though I was desperately in love with him.
Fantastic.
Adrian was a terrible liar who would sacrifice his own happiness if he thought it was a noble pursuit. He loved me. That’s what made it so frustrating.
So frightening.
What was I supposed to tell Adrian now?
Hey, you knocked me up.
Hey, we finally have what we’ve both wanted.
Hey, can we stop being so damned miserable?
The baby wasn’t the hard part anymore. It was the rest of it that complicated everything—the parts most people sorted out before the kid.
The dating.
The I-love-yous.
The marriage and living together and figuring out where the new bundle of joy would sleep.
Maybe it was stupid to fall for him, but nobody ever said I was the most cautious and practical woman out there. No time to be hesitant when at any moment I might’ve hopped a flight to Peru or decided to check out the Venice Canals because I was bored.
But was I actually looking for adventure?
Or was I searching for the one thing I already had?
Adrian was probably right. Having a baby together would ruin our friendship. But maybe…
Maybe it was time that it got ruined?
Changed?
Forged into something meaningful, lasting, and wonderful?
It sounded great to me, but I had to convince him of that.
But if Adrian’s determination and relentless pursuit of perfection had taught me anything, it was that nothing good was ever handed to a person. It had to be crafted and practiced and made yours.
The baby was a blessing.
Our relationship was the curse.
But just because neither of us knew if it was right or wrong, easy or hard, a mistake or a miracle, didn’t mean we couldn’t figure it out together.
And so, I hauled my butt from the airport and parked it at a little bistro across the street from the rink. Unfortunately, I’d puked up the guts I’d need to go into the arena to confront Adrian. At least the pretty restaurant was a perfect place to muster the courage I’d need to meet him once the day’s practice had ended.
Maybe then I’d figure out what to say to the man. Because, in this case, the I love you wasn’t enough.
And so I sunk into a chair at an empty table and waited as my confidence and cowardice duked it out.
The Butterfly Bistro was the sort of restaurant that would’ve made Adrian grumble when I forced him to take me on my birthday. Salads littered the menu, and the tables were surrounded by all manner of ferns and succulents and pretty pixie lanterns. The garden style iron chairs fit a distinct clientele, not big hockey glutes.
I figured no one from the Forge would find me at the bistro. And I was right. It was Magnolia Mallory who plunked down at my table with a cheery grin while juggling her cappuccino, phone, laptop, and iPad.
She carved a space for herself between the bird-shaped salt and pepper shakers and the basket of bread with herbed butter that my queasy stomach refused to acknowledge.
“Mind if I join you?” Magnolia had already flagged down the confused waitress serving a bowl of cream of tomato soup to a now-empty table. “Today has been hell. I’m glad to have a friend for lunch.”
Friend?
Lunch?
Wow. That was a new one.
I never…ate with others, aside from Adrian. Not the flight attendants after our trips, strangers in a hotel’s restaurant, or even the locals in the exotic locations where I’d so often traveled.
Eating with someone else was what sane people did to stop feeling so damned lonely. Instead, I fought the isolation in my own way—by making a future lunch buddy.
No wonder Adrian thought I was crazy.
Magnolia dug into her soup only after adding an unconscionable amount of pepper to the bowl. The spicy, bitter scent invaded my side of the table. First it tickled my nose. Then it threatened the delicate equilibrium I’d forged between my gut and the proximity to the house-made garlic and herb infused butter. I attempted to push the little dish away, but I didn’t trust moving a hand that could potentially guard my tightly closed mouth.
“Uh-oh…” Magnolia dropped her spoon. “I know that look…”
Today she wore a pastel pink dress and jacket with gold, heart-shaped buttons—precisely the worst outfit one should’ve worn around a queasy woman primed to blow.
Fortunately, she sensed my discomfort and immediately shifted the food to a neighboring table. The laptop she sacrificed, but the phone and iPad she carefully tucked out of range.
“How far along are you?” Magnolia asked.
I could manage a smile but not a lie. I checked my watch. “I found out about thirty minutes ago.”
She grinned but kept it tactful. “And how are we handling it?”
“Better than a punch to the face.”
“Well, just you wait. My sister just had her second baby. Said it doesn’t get bad until it feels like you’ve been hit by a truck.”
“Something to look forward to.”
“Among other things…” Magnolia sipped her cappuccino, taking care to avoid dusting her nose with the foam. “Have you told Adrian?”