I didn’t have the energy to play dumb. “Not yet. Trying to decide what to tell him.”
“Guess it’s a surprise, huh?”
“In a way.”
Magnolia hummed. “Even though it’s unexpected, it’s still a really great thing. Babies are always good news, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.”
The giggle bubbled up from somewhere strange inside of me—a clear, pristine, genuine laugh like I hadn’t heard for months.
“Sure. It’s good news. Great news.” Was I laughing or crying now? “It’s just…you have no idea how bad the timing is.”
“How long have you been dating?”
Another giggle, this time accompanied with an undignified snort. “We’re not dating.”
“Oh.” Magnolia nodded with a smirk. “A night of passion gone awry?”
“Many nights of passion. We were trying.”
The cappuccino lowered. “Trying?”
“To have a baby.”
“But you…aren’t dating?”
It sounded even stupider when voiced aloud. “Nope.”
“And you aren’t together?”
“That’s right.”
Magnolia peeked into her mug. “I need some whiskey in this drink to understand all this.”
So did I, but that wasn’t on the menu for a good nine months.
“It’s simple, really.” I grinned at her. “See, I’m the biggest idiot in the world, and Adrian enables me to do stupidest, most ridiculous bullshit because he’s in love with me but too afraid to make a move.”
Magnolia hummed. “Okay. Then you’ve figured it out.”
I could see it all clearly—every mistake and regrettable decision. “My problem was that I lived a completely hedonistic life for my own selfish desires.”
“And Adrian supported it?”
Boy, did he ever. “Oh, it worked for us. Because while I was off adventuring to strange lands—climbing pyramids, visiting the Great Wall of China, spending every last frequent flyer point and airline discount I could to escape—he did the opposite. He burrowed into himself, keeping the rest of the world out.”
Magnolia frowned. “Is this a metaphor…?”
“No. It’s literal. Ever since I was a little girl, I only wanted to travel. It’s why I became a flight attendant.”
“And here I thought it was for the free peanuts.”
“That’s not a perk I can stomach right now.”
“So…why get pregnant?”
“That’s the funny part. I never wanted to get pregnant. At least, not at first. My life’s goal was to travel. I’ve been to forty-two countries out of the one hundred on my list. The world seemed too big, and feared I’d never see it all if I went to college, married a nice guy, and popped out a couple kids. I was too busy looking for…”
“For?” Magnolia asked.
None of it made sense now, but I gave it my best shot. “Everything. I visited so many places in the world, but it never made me happy. Once I got to a new place, I only worried that I wouldn’t have enough time to experience it all. So, I started going faster. Quicker visits. More flights. More cities added to the lists.” I lowered my gaze, trailing my finger over the crystal cuts in my water glass. “Only problem is…the faster you go, and the more you think you need to see, the more you miss.”
“And you missed him.”
Like a lovesick fool. “Yeah. I didn’t understand it at first. I’ve never connected like that with anyone before.”
“Judging by the baby, you made a really good connection.”
“Yeah.”
“And it got complicated?”
I picked at my cloth napkin with a fingernail, stopping but before I unthreaded the pristine embroidery. “Having a baby with Adrian was one of the easiest decisions I ever made. Much easier than deciding between Aruba and Maui.”
“And why is that?”
Like she couldn’t tell. I sighed. “Because I fell in love.”
“And how did that happen?”
Good God. Was I really talking about this? I never opened up to anyone besides Adrian, and even he had to bribe the truth out of me with promises of chocolate ice cream or freshly popped popcorn.
But now that the truth was out, now that I had to carry more than just the sweet burden of this damned secret, revealing everything to Magnolia did lessen the nausea.
“I’ve always been in love with him,” I said. “And he was in love with me.”
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” she asked.
“And ruin our friendship?”
“Even if it meant falling in love?”
“What if it meant losing him forever?”
Like I might’ve lost him now. I heaved a breath.
“We had an easy, uncomplicated, perfect friendship. I ran all over the world trying to hide from my feelings, and he obsessed about his career to the point he practically slept in his damned locker. And it worked.”
Magnolia glanced down with a frown, fiddling with the diamond ring on her finger. “But how long can things just work?”
“Until his injury.”
“Especially an injury to that region?”
One day, I’d stop replaying the scene in my mind.
“It was the first time I ever watched him go down like that,” I said. “It terrified me. I remember sitting in the hospital, waiting for him after surgery. And all these ridiculous, inappropriate feelings kept…” I sighed. “And then when I saw him—all doped up from the anesthetic and pain meds—and he confessed to me…”
Magnolia tipped her chair back and dipped a piece of bread into her soup, far enough away that the scent didn’t bother me.
She gestured with her spoon. “And instead of embracing it, you ran?”
“I tried to ignore the possibilities, but everything he’d promised sounded so right. And no rainforest adventure or African elephant sanctuary compared to the thought of coming home to him one day and cuddling on the couch with our baby.”
Magnolia smirked. “You know, in my job, I’m only allowed to ask the questions. But since this is all off-the-record, and there are no cameras rolling or pictures waiting…I think I might just say it.”
“I’m all ears.”
“I might have a solution for you.”
I wasn’t getting my hopes up. “There’s no easy answer to this.”
“Of course there is. You’ve gotta tell Adrian that you love him.”
What good would it do? “He knows.”
“Then tell him again. And again. And again. These hockey guys have thick skulls. They’re used to ignoring pain, stuffing it deep, deep down and playing hurt. They don’t know what it’s like for someone to offer them comfort and peace. You have to convince him that you love him.”
“We’ve already ruined our friendship.” I bit my lip. “What if this gets even messier?”
Magnolia dismissed my fears. “Some of the most amazing things in this life are dangerous. Isn’t that why you traveled? You wanted to explore the world and find out what it could offer. Well, now you’ve found the best it gets. Right here. A man looking for love, and a baby on the way.” Magnolia took my hand and squeezed. “Sometimes you don’t have to travel to find adventure. Sometimes, the most exciting place in the whole world is right beside someone you love.”