My anger feels good. It’s hot and scalds my blood. I know it’s not just Jenn I’m pissed at, though. I’m furious with myself for what I just did with Saint. I’m so stupid. So weak.
As much as Saint bullshits and toys with me, my own bullshit is far worse. Telling myself I’ll get over him. That I’ll never let him touch me again.
Yet, at the first opportunity, I spread my legs and moan his name with hardly any fight.
God, there’s something broken inside of me.
There has to be.
And whatever that is, it revels in Saint and his depravity.
The memory of his harsh, growled words makes me shiver. I give my head a little shake, as though that can dislodge his presence in my mind, and aggressively focus all my attention on Ghost.
“I want to see Jenn again,” I mutter.
“Weird request, given how pissed off you seem about her abandoning you.” His dark eyes flash with amusement, and I grit my teeth as I fight to rein in my fury.
“I still have questions for her.” So, maybe I do buy her story that that photo was doctored up to freak me out, but that still doesn’t explain why the fuck she’s in California. She’s obviously here harassing me for a reason, and I want to know what it is.
Ghost just shakes his head with a grin. “Not going to happen, little girl.”
I step forward and get in his face, my anger either giving me courage or making me stupid. “Make it happen,” I hiss.
His expression darkens, and he doesn’t look so entertained now. He towers over me, his gaze flashing with irritation. “We went over this already. I don’t take orders from you, bitch,” he snarls. “So watch your fucking mouth.”
I decide to go with stupid. My anger is definitely making me stupid, but I keep rolling with it. What the hell do I really have to lose at this point anyway?
“You don’t scare me, Ghost,” I lie. “As far as I can tell, you’re just my mom’s errand-boy bitch, and I’m guessing she’s told you that you can’t lay a finger on me.”
I expect him to explode on me, but to my surprise, he laughs. As if I’ve just said something hilarious. “Fuck, you’re nearly as crazy as Jenn,” he says.
I don’t like being compared to Jenn, but in this case, it might be to my benefit.
“Why did you abandon me that night?” I ask. “You left me with no way home, in a place where I was definitely in danger. That was pretty shitty of you.”
He arches a brow and shrugs. “It was a test to see if you could be trusted.”
What kind of fucking test was that? Why is it that everyone I interact with lately seems to want to play mind games with me? Can no one just be straight with me?
“Did I pass at least?” I growl.
He releases another bark of laughter. “Do I need to remind you who showed up in a 400 G car to your rescue that night?”
Holy shit. I’d almost say Saint was compensating for something with that pretentious Lamborghini, but the ache between my legs would immediately call my bluff.
“I didn’t ask him to do that,” I point out, but I’m a little stunned that Ghost knows about Saint picking me up. “I’m not a damsel in distress. I don’t need rescuing.”
“Whether you asked him to come or not doesn’t matter,” he says. “He showed up, which means he’s keeping tabs on you, which means, no, you didn’t pass shit.”
Lovely. Now Saint’s screwing up my life without even trying to.
“Well, then what do I do now?”
Ghost scratches at the tattoo on his neck and levels me with a long, almost bored look. “Now, you just sit your pretty ass down and wait. I’ll let Jenn know you want to see her again, though I make no promises she wants to see you.”
“Story of my fucking life.”
He smirks again and begins moving past me toward the door. I whirl after him.
“That’s it? You just drop in without warning, stay five minutes, tell me nothing about my mom, then just leave again?”
“Pretty much.” When he reaches the door, he opens it, then pauses. “You should really spray something in here. Fucking reeks of sex and bad decisions.”
He has no idea.
Ghost leaves with an infuriating wink, and I’m left sore, confused, and furious. At Jenn. At Ghost. At Saint.
But especially at myself.
The next couple of weeks are a mindless blur as I wait to hear from Jenn. I’m so desperate to talk to her, to figure out just what in the hell she’s up to, I even call Carley to see if she’s heard anything from my mom. She hasn’t, though, which shouldn’t surprise me. It becomes painfully clear that Jenn’s gone back to have zero contact with me. The realization hurts more than I want it to because I really should be used to it by now.
But still … it does suck.
Thankfully, other aspects of my life have calmed, somewhat. Saint’s back to ignoring me, which is just fine with me. Admittedly, the bullying I’ve endured has eased up a bit since he told everyone to back off, so I’m begrudgingly grateful to him for that.
Still, that doesn’t mean I’m eager to make peace with him. Him ignoring me simply means I don’t have to think about how he fucked me into oblivion. Anytime memories from that night pop into my head, my cheeks heat with equal parts shame and arousal, and I just end up hating myself and him all over again.
With Jon Eric gone, I’ve gotten more comfortable roaming campus by myself again. It’s easier to hide from people when I don’t constantly need an escort, though I’m grateful Loni and Henry were so willing to take on that role for me for as long as they did. It’s nice, though, to be able to tuck myself away in the library again without fear of being attacked by that crazy asshole.
I’m in the library one day, working on a paper for my English class, my earbuds in and the world blocked out, when a hand suddenly drops on my shoulder.
I let out a shriek and jerk around in my chair, my mind instantly seizing on the idea that Jon Eric’s back and has caught me with my guard down.
To my utter relief, it’s just Loni. I yank my earbuds out as I release a heavy sigh.
“Holy shit, Loni. You scared me.”
Her brows rise nearly to her emerald green headband, and her brown eyes pop wide. “Um … sorry?”
I wave her apology away with a flap of my hand. “It’s fine. Sorry. Just … jumpy.”
She nods, black curls bouncing around her face, and takes a seat in the chair next to me. “Let me guess? You’re freaked out about the whole Jon Eric thing still?”
“Something like that.” Though I didn’t tell her the full extent of Jon Eric’s assault on me, she’s fully aware that he was harassing me and threatening me. She also knows his disappearance has left me shaken.
“Well, I’ve got news on that front,” she declares. “Not sure if it’s really good or bad, but I’ll let you be the judge of that.”
She’s claimed my full attention, and I turn in my chair to face her fully.
“What is it?”
“So, I’ve heard that Jon Eric’s been in touch with his parents,” Loni explains. “He’s texted them a couple of times about finding Jesus, then ditched his phone, so the running theory is he doesn’t want to come back.”