There’s so much to unpack and process, but first, I need to take care of my situation with Saint before it escalates further.
Taking a deep breath, I raise my fist and knock sharply on his door.
It only takes him a few moments to answer.
“Mal,” he breaths my name, looking almost relieved to see me. Then, like night and day, his expression goes cold. “Where were you last night?
I maintain my composure, but I’m holding onto it by the tips of my fingers.
“I really can’t do this with you right now—”
“Do what exactly?” he snaps. “Answer a simple question?”
“I can’t do this with you anymore,” I snap. “At all.”
He rolls his eyes. “You’ve said that before, and we both know it’s a load of bullshit. You always come back, Ellis. That’s what you do.”
“I’m done. It’s over. For real this time, all right?”
He reaches out and grabs my hand, yanking me into his bedroom. It’s a dangerous place for me to be, but I remain cool and collected as the door slams shut behind me.
“Go ahead, Ellis, tell me all about how you want normal. Tell me how fucked up I am and how you never want to see me again. Let’s get this week’s session out of the way so we can—”
“I just can’t take it anymore, alright? The ups and downs. The torments. The mind games. It’s all too much.”
“Is that why you destroyed the dress I bought you?” he growls. “You could have just said no.”
I don’t even bother to lay into him for breaking into my room again.
It doesn’t matter at this point.
“I didn’t do that.”
He scoffs as if he doesn’t believe me. I want to defend myself, but I have to shake my head and remember why I’m here. There are a few things I need to know from him, and then I need to end this once and for all. Not just for my sake, but for his.
“I’m not here because of the dress,” I say. “There’s something I need to ask you before we end.”
“What is it?” he snarls.
I gulp before saying, “You said you knew why your father had it out for me. I want to know what your theory is. What have you come up with?”
“Why should I tell you anything?”
I curl my hands into fists at my sides. “Because you’ve made my life a living hell and it’s literally the least you can do.”
I can tell he doesn’t like that. Yet, to my surprise, he runs his fingers through his hair and lets out a deep grumble.
“Fine, you want to know what I figured out? I’ll tell you. You’re Benjamin’s kid, your crackhead mother is my dad’s ex-girlfriend, and my dad’s afraid that once you figure this out for yourself, you’ll come begging him for money.”
I stare up at him a long moment and try not to laugh.
“Is that all?”
“What more do you want?”
With a sigh, I close my eyes and rub my fingertips over my eyelids. I’m so tired. I’m so tired of all this bullshit and the manipulations.
“You’ve no idea how much more there is to the story,” I murmur. “How twisted and fucked up things really are. You’ve barely scratched the surface, Saint, and I don’t have time to try to explain everything to you either. We’re done here, I think. I just want to finish this in one piece so I can go home.”
I try to move to the door, but he wraps his fingers around my arm and forces me back so my back is pressed to his chest.
“We’re not done here,” he growls, wrapping his arms around me and pressing his mouth to my ear. “We’re not done here until you tell me everything.”
“Saint, don’t—”
“I mean it, Mallory.”
“Why?” Heat springs to my eyes. “So you can use it against me? So you can keep ruining my life?”
“No!” he snaps, grabbing my shoulders and spinning me around to face him. “Fuck you if you haven’t figured it out yet.”
“Then say it,” I shout.
“It’s because I fucking love you, okay?” he roars back. “I want to know because I actually give a fuck. I want to keep you safe, but I can’t if I don’t actually know what the hell is going on.”
I stare at him, stunned. I can’t believe he just said those words to me. He loves me, and he actually admitted to his feelings. There’s a part of me that wants to say it back, to believe that we can dig our way out of this shithole together, but I don’t think feelings will fix anything.
In fact, they’ll just make everything one thousand times worse.
Though I hate doing so with every fiber of my being, I tilt my chin back and coldly meet his eye.
“Well, it doesn’t matter now,” I say, but my voice is wobbly. “It’s too little, too late. Whatever this toxic thing that exists between us is, it’s destroying me from the inside and I just want to collect my money from your dad and move on with my life.” I push out of his arms and move for the door.
I’ve shocked him so much that I’m able to stumble out into the hallway before I hear him start to follow me. Fuck. Why does he have to be so stubborn? Why can’t he just let things be for once in his damn life?
I don’t look back as I navigate my way out of the building and across campus. As I walk, I keep thinking about my encounter with Nora today, and I feel like I’m being ripped apart from the inside out.
“If you would stop yelling at me for five goddamn minutes, I’ll tell you why you’re here,” she’d said, losing patience with me as I went on and on about Jenn blackmailing Dylan.
“You can’t just use people like this,” I’d shouted, ignoring her. “He already hated me enough, and you’ve made it a million times worse.”
Nora had leveled me with a glare. “Has this teacher ever done anything to you worth reporting to the police?”
My mind had blanked, until I’d remembered that she already knew the answer.
“You already know he has. Why are you bringing this up again now?”
Nora had leaned closer to me, her vivid blue eyes narrowed and cold.
“Because you shouldn’t give a shit what happens to that man. He’s scum and deserves to be treated as such. I’m happy to make him collateral damage in the grander scheme of things. Your bleeding heart is going to get you hurt someday, Eden. I suggest you shut that down now if you want to survive.”
“Survive what?” I’d demanded to know.
Nora had looked at me with this terrible expression. It had been frightening and bloodthirsty. The face of someone who wasn’t just seeking revenge, but the complete and utter destruction of her enemies.
“Do you want to know everything that Jameson Angelle did to me?” she’d asked in an ominous voice.
Even now, thinking about what she told me makes me sick to my stomach. I stumble across campus, thinking I might actually throw up.
“Mallory!” Saint’s angry shouts make me speed up my steps. I have to get away from him. If he catches me, he’ll touch me. If he touches me, I’ll melt and give him whatever he wants.
I can’t let that happen.